okay is not okay

Aka Let Me Entertain You.

31.12.2013

Last one.

The last day.

And the last evening.

And here I am.

Sat on the Spaniards sofa.

Sitting, and breathing, and waiting.

Waiting for some peace and calm to arrive.

Or rather, to settle.

The last day of the year.

Last day of 2013.

I guess all I'm really feeling is gratitude.

I'm grateful for the year I've had.

I'm grateful I've had the lessons I've had.

I want to accept that there are no bad things.

Everything is positive, all that is is a frame of mind.

If I'm very honest with you, 5 hours before we enter 2014, I'm really scared.

I feel fear and I don't really know why.

I guess I'm scared of understanding that This Is It.

The "rest of my life" I've been waiting for.

There's nothing left to do, but live the life I want.

And this fear is huge, honestly.

I'm scared of making wrong choices I think? Or saying the wrong thing?

Of ruining this feeling?

Or ruining this "golden path" that I can see somewhere in the close distance?

But.

Fear is fine.

Fear is human.

Fear is an emotion and without emotion we are no longer alive.

So it is all perfectly fine.

Fear is fine.

Everything is fine.

But at the end of it all, jump in.

Head first, feet first, heart first, spirit first.

And do it.

Impossible is nothing.

All that restricts you is the bounds of your heart and soul.

And once we accept that this actually is infinite, and infinity, there's nothing more to do but act.

Trust (!!!!) the Universe, trust life and trust in the endless capacity of love that drives this whole system, round and round.

And so here I am.

On the Spaniards sofa.

Soon I'll get changed, drink my tiny vodka, and my large champagne that I bought to celebrate the end of the tour.

All I want from this life currently at hand is to give and receive Love, give kindness in word and action.

Be gentle, and unassuming, and not judge.

I want to take everything exactly as it is, in reality, be present in the moment, not live my life 5 minutes in the past or 5 minutes in the future.

There is no fear in the present.

I want to entertain.

This first quarter century of my life that will soon be finished was under the headline of Songbird.

Next one is for the Prima Donna - it's time for me to work my actual butt off.

Actually actually work it off.

Crazy.

Let me entertain you.

Again and again.

And again.

I love you all.

Happy end of the year.

In Estonia, tonight is called Old Years Evening.

And it's always for contemplation.

So this is my conclusion of 2013.

"Okay" is NOT okay.

Being "fine" doesn't cut it anymore.

Follow your Soul and make your own stars shine.

2014 and the Stallion, bring it on.

I'll greet you with some fear, but so. frikkin. what.

It's time.

Be kind to yourselves, and be honest.

With love.

Yours truly, always.

M.