plug

Life is not Sunday on a park bench.

I need to stop watching my life go by.
I need to stop watching it all go by.


This is going to ramble-y.


I'm not a child, and the world is not them.
All those situations that made me feel unnecessary, unimportant, powerless.
Basically for all intensive purposes invisible.
So I duplicate this in my life.
Like a magnet, I pull from the Universe the situations, the people who make me feel like that.
Like a magnet, a really strong magnet.
Cause we are, super strong magnets.
Who pull, and pull, and pull, and pull, and pull, and PULL.
Relentlessly pulling, until we die, and the magnet stops.
Unless we become a different magnet.
No matter what, the only thing we cannot stop doing, is pulling.
And I have pulled the things that make me feel unnecessary, and powerless.
We duplicate.
And I have and am making my life a very long list of situations and environments where I feel powerless and unimportant.
And I do this to myself, unknowingly, again and again.
And feel this again, and again, and again.
Someone choosing someone else, me not measuring up, not being enough, feeling like leftovers.

And if the plug isn't in the drain, it will run empty, forever, until you just stick the plug in.
(Or the water runs out, of course..)

And the necessary anti-bodies for this, the plug in this instance is the understanding.
Understand the situation, deconstruct it, see it for what it is.
And understand that my worth is not equal to the situation.
Or maybe it's not even about the worth at all?
Maybe it's just a choice.
Choose different, want something different.
Make a decision.
Very powerful things, those.

And then give yourself the situations in which you feel necessary, important, and in control.
Opposite of powerless, and definitely opposite of invisible.
Make the opposite the mantra.

And fill it all up again.
Plug in, and everything.

this_is_where_i_come_to_think


Plug.
Yours truly.
M.