As in, I'm here now! In Tallinn. Or like, physically in Tallinn but honestly my head is all over the place at the moment.
I've been back for 4 days now and they've gone by very suddenly and with little or no awareness at all really, of anything.
Hey ho, I needed to sleep which I did.
But I'm getting a little restless.
So very soon I'm going to do..something.
I think I'm going to clean my space first. Make sure that the room I have in Tallinn for my use is airy and clean and ordered and mine.
I never used to enjoy a clean space because I think my head was so cluttered. But now that I've done quite a lot of work on what is what, and why and where and who, and there's so much more clarity, I really feel like I need to be in it, need to have it around me.
So I think that's number 1 on the list.
...I haven't got to number 2 yet.
However, here is something I do know.
I've said this to my friends before - why wait till much later on to go through with what is known as "the midlife crisis"?
(Yes, I know not everyone goes through this. And I'm happy for these people.)
What does this even mean?
What this usually implies is people going through some quite dramatic and highly emotional times which more often than not ends up in them re-evaluating and/or questioning their life, purpose, meaning, et cetera, add whatever else.
So my question is - why wait till then?
If you feel that something I just not right, or just not clicking, PLEASE, DO NOT WAIT.
Sort it now, look at this today.
The sooner you shift what's misplaced and mend what's broken or discover what's lost and so on the better. Because these things do not just vanish and go away, they usually get stronger, even when hidden, and therefore harder to change or let go of.
Think of weeds. I'd rather get them out today than wait till they've stuck their roots really deep under all the nice patio tiles, ya know.
So, whatever it is, please, please have the courage to look it in the eye and see it for what it is.
It could be something small and rather simple.
If it's not, don't be afraid to ask for help. (I really recommend good, loyal friends. Love my parents as I do, they are just too involved.)
Don't look away from what you could be at your free-est.
And close your eyes and imagine how good it would feel.
This is not about living on a beach or not having a job or eating chocolate cake every day, this is about you being the most you.
I don't yet know, I can but imagine, but it's about a thousand-fold better compared to where I was before, following a path, not knowing who's it is or why or what or where or HUH?
Where is the sense of waiting till I'm older if I can change this now, and take responsibility for my choices?
Makes
No
Sense
So.
Please, give yourself a chance to be the you-est you.
Some things end and their time runs out, so let them go.
Don't hang on if you know in the pit of your stomach or back of your mind it is really over and finished and outlived its natural life.
Spring is coming.
Have some serious courage, breathe deep and go be YOU - whatever that may mean, to you.
With love.
M.
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