the self

So the thing is.
Most of us grow up and end up compensating for some unfulfilled need or desire throughout our adult life.

The majority of what's missing can be summed up, I think, as an unbalanced relationship with the understanding of our own value, or something that is also known as "self-love".
I've found that people very often have an almost defensive reaction when someone mentions the notion of loving ourselves.
As if it's wrong, or faulty.
As if we shouldn't.

The truth is we need it.
I mean, it's just the way it is.
If we don't respect ourselves, no one else will.
Without loving ourselves, the chances of finding someone who truly loves us are slim.
Truly slim.
I've yet to meet someone who would prove me wrong on this one.
(If you do know someone, please tell me the story. I would love-love to know.)

So.
For those who don't speak Estonian, I'm truly sorry for the lack of translating.

But the bottomline is.
Compare yourself to yourself, the rest is empty and meaningless.

Build yourself stronger, because if we're honest, it's the only place we will ever find refuge.

Yours truly.
M.


These are taken and edited from www.alkeemia.ee 

Piisavas enesearmastuses elav inimene:

•    adekvaatne enesehinnang
•    ennast väärtustav
•    on võtnud 100%vastutuse oma elu eest
•    usub enda võimetesse ja vajalikkusesse
•    langetab otsuseid armastuse, usalduse ja rahu pinnalt
•    maailma suhtes avatud meeltega
•    tunnetab oma tegevuse väärtust ise
•    vaimselt ja füüsiliselt terve, positiivsust kiirgav, energiat andev
•    tunnetab armastust endas ja kiirgab seda
•    on ennast kehtestav
•    on orienteeritud koostööle
•    tajub ressursside paljusust ja tõmbab enda ellu kõik vajaliku

Kui olete seda tüüpi, et teil on just raske asju lõpule viia, siis loobuge meelelahutusest seni, kuni teete asja lõpuni-esitate ära-annate üle ja teadvustage eneses see tunne, kui saite tehtu valmis enne tähtaega, õigeks ajaks või saite positiivse tagasiside osaliseks.

Hakake end võrdlema endaga mitte teistega.
Kas te olete täna armastavam, hellem, mõistvam kui olite aasta tagasi?
Kas mõistate oma sõnade, tegude, suhtumise tagajärgi endale ja teistele täna selgemalt kui aasta tagasi?

Kas teete iga päev midagi väikest, mis näitab, et oskate ennast hoida – leiate aega korralikuks lõunaks, sööte tervislikku toitu, kannate õiget rõivastenumbrit ja teile sobivat stiili, kas väljendate nii oma sõnas kui mõttes tänulikkust selle kõige eest, mis Teie elus täna võrreldes eilsega paremini on?

Kui hakkate tegelema teiste inimeste asemel endaga, võite märgata peatselt kolme olulist muutust –
- teie enesetunne hakkab tõusma
- teie tervis muutub paremaks
- teie suhete kvaliteet muutub rahuldustpakkuvamaks.

See kõik tekib hetkest, mil te otsustate, et Teie ise olete oma elu peaosas, võimeline selle kõiki aspekte soovi korral muutma ning õpite nautima oma elu ilusaks loomise vastutust, millega kaasenevad suurenenud vabaduse-, õnne- ja rahutunne.

Rachel

I mean, I don't really remember how many times I've posted about Rachel Brathen, but quite seriously, I find her so positive, and positively inspiring!

So therefore.
Just some shameless link-giving.
http://www.rachelbrathen.com/
http://instagram.com/yoga_girl
http://www.facebook.com/rachelsyoga?hc_location=stream

I just find her super awesome.
Simple as.
And promoting really healthy ideas, and images of women, men, people, dogs and whatever.
And courage.
Courage to more from Sweden to Aruba (??), in your early twenties, and do things your way.

Seriously.

This also goes hand-in-hand with my constant reminder at the back of my head: "Hey, Maria, do yoga. Why are you not doing yoga."
I love it, yet I'm not doing it.
Shall be fixed.

Thursday for Rachel.

Yours truly.
M.

Friday

Well this weekend brought lots of new ridiculousness!
I'll have to post this in several goes.

Friday was lots of scaffolding stuff, of course.
But the evening brought with it "Tour de Night" (Tour d'ÖÖ in Estonian) - one of the main events of Tallinn Bicycle week.
It was basically wayy over a 1000 cyclists cruising around Tallinn. The Spaniard and I went along as well.
AND IT WAS AWESOME!

The beginning was fairly slow, cause there were just so many cyclists.
But as we got going it was so much fun it was ridiculous!
And I was so happy Spaniard came with me so we got a chance to share all the fun.
Afterwards we went to McDo on our bikes, Drive-In, thank you very much.
And then into town - on our bikes.
Seriously - this Friday was so golden!
We biked back around 2am. We took hold of the bus lane because why not. We were singing our hearts out and seriously, it was one of the best Fridays I can remember.
Spanish one went to her friends and I went home.
GOLDEN, I tell you.

And all of a sudden I've really fallen in love with this whole cycling thing. The city just shows a really different face when you're a cyclist, and it's a very very nice face.

Stay cycling, boys and girls.
M.

(I love the plastic bag. This was the very beginning of the night and I was on my way to dad's to pick up a bike lock and a backpack which is now my new friend.)

A pap from the Tour d'ÖÖ in May.

witches, unite

So, I went to this lecture a few days ago.
The speaker was a woman who was a proper nature-child growing up, then graduated as a med-student, but decided to go back to her roots. And live in the forests, and let her true being shine trough - being a witch.
She shared some really genuine and healthy ideas about living life as a woman, as a human being, as a being of Nature, as an organism, about love, children, choices, bravery, fears, decisions and doubt.

Since women are glorious creatures (with a vast expanse of potential life where our uterus is), we are all a little witch-y.
And apparently no woman can actually access her full (witchy-)potential without having her life sorted first (in terms of the job she has, the living surroundings, her home). There needs to be balance.

And then there's me.
Moaning, literally moaning, when I know exactly, I know with such painful crystal clarity what I need to do.
I need to get clarity in my life. The same clarity of understanding, I need to apply this to my life.
Now.
And then, and only then, will everything else unravel, and very quickly.
And in the right direction.
My path.
I need to transform this gelatinous mess (also known as my life currently), apply some balls, ruthless clarity and turn this mess into something clear and sharp.

And stop thinking of unnecessary things, when I know exactly what I should be thinking about.
Or rather not thinking about.
And doing.
Doing
doing
doing

Life is not a bunch of theory. Life is practice.
It's a practical thing.
All practice.

So let's cut the theory balls, and let's get practical.

Live
your
life
as
the You-est
You

With love.
M.

bla bla

There's been a load of "bla bla" in my head lately.
Which also coincides with no meditation.

So there's a big fat point in this.
At least for me.

Lesson to be learnt: sit and breathe, child. Sit and breathe.
Meditating isn't anything else or more complex.
Clarity of mind, sat or not, doesn't matter.
It's just I like sitting.



Even in recklessness, heal your hearts.


BLA BLA, go home.
M.

in your nature

Baby, it's in your nature
Just let me liberate you

Let's have fun, kids.
M.

prince rama

This is insane(-ly good).

New age glitter madness from Brooklyn.
I mean, just listen to this song.
This makes me want to dance on a meadow, naked and glittery.
With horses, at dawn.
And I don't know.
Flowers in my hair.

And I mean, really do that.
Really do that.

Prince Rama - "So Destroyed".

DANCE YOUR SOUL OUT.
M.

jenna

"This is just, something." (As described by A. But I really really agree.)

Jenna Marbles is known for her pretty brilliant Youtube channel, where she posts a video every Wednesday, about anything really, anything that she fancies.
She's always absolutely hilarious, and looks so positively full of life.
And this week her video was something very different.

Even if you don't follow her channel on Youtube, and you have 8 minutes, watch this.
I think it's worth a watch.
And a nice idea in itself.

Draw your life.
M.

lights off

And if you can, tonight, then please turn off your lights.
Get some candles.
Think some thoughts, or chat to your friends.
And turn off the lights.

http://www.earthhour.org/

Earth hour.
M.

taste

The taste that your lips allow.

What a funny life.
M.

return

I wonder how long it's going to take me to catch up with myself.

As in, I'm here now! In Tallinn. Or like, physically in Tallinn but honestly my head is all over the place at the moment.
I've been back for 4 days now and they've gone by very suddenly and with little or no awareness at all really, of anything.
Hey ho, I needed to sleep which I did.
But I'm getting a little restless.
So very soon I'm going to do..something.

I think I'm going to clean my space first. Make sure that the room I have in Tallinn for my use is airy and clean and ordered and mine.
I never used to enjoy a clean space because I think my head was so cluttered. But now that I've done quite a lot of work on what is what, and why and where and who, and there's so much more clarity, I really feel like I need to be in it, need to have it around me.
So I think that's number 1 on the list.

...I haven't got to number 2 yet.

However, here is something I do know.
I've said this to my friends before - why wait till much later on to go through with what is known as "the midlife crisis"?
(Yes, I know not everyone goes through this. And I'm happy for these people.)
What does this even mean?
What this usually implies is people going through some quite dramatic and highly emotional times which more often than not ends up in them re-evaluating and/or questioning their life, purpose, meaning, et cetera, add whatever else.

So my question is - why wait till then? 
If you feel that something I just not right, or just not clicking, PLEASE, DO NOT WAIT.
Sort it now, look at this today.
The sooner you shift what's misplaced and mend what's broken or discover what's lost and so on the better. Because these things do not just vanish and go away, they usually get stronger, even when hidden, and therefore harder to change or let go of.
Think of weeds. I'd rather get them out today than wait till they've stuck their roots really deep under all the nice patio tiles, ya know.

So, whatever it is, please, please have the courage to look it in the eye and see it for what it is.
It could be something small and rather simple.
If it's not, don't be afraid to ask for help. (I really recommend good, loyal friends. Love my parents as I do, they are just too involved.)

Don't look away from what you could be at your free-est. 
And close your eyes and imagine how good it would feel.
This is not about living on a beach or not having a job or eating chocolate cake every day, this is about you being the most you.
I don't yet know, I can but imagine, but it's about a thousand-fold better compared to where I was before, following a path, not knowing who's it is or why or what or where or HUH?
Where is the sense of waiting till I'm older if I can change this now, and take responsibility for my choices?
Makes
No
Sense

So.
Please, give yourself a chance to be the you-est you.
Some things end and their time runs out, so let them go.
Don't hang on if you know in the pit of your stomach or back of your mind it is really over and finished and outlived its natural life.

Spring is coming.
Have some serious courage, breathe deep and go be YOU - whatever that may mean, to you.

With love.
M.

ink will flow

this tree

Under this tree everything would be solved. 

Find yourself a tree.
M.

advice

Okay, so, here's some advice that I will try and stick to till I die. Literally, die. End of my life.

Don't lose your balls. 

(I sincerely hope you understand that by "balls" I mean, character.)


No one is worth it.
No one.
Ever.
At times in our colourful lives we might think that some seemingly more wonderful individuals are worth us losing our balls and/or our spines, but truth is, they are not.
Like, really.
No, honestly. They are not.
Okay, you will for the time being misplace your balls, and pretend to be something else for someone else, but once you find your spine again, then what?

Cause the truth is, if someone won't like you, love you, respect you, or even give you their time with your balls attached, they won't like you later on once you reveal them. (I mean, "SURPRISE! I'm actually a very different kind of person." Really?)

So it is truly truly easier for everyone involved if me and you walk through life the way we are, balls, spines and all, using the language we like, being as gutsy as we like, head high and proud.
Because we can only hide and pretend for so long.

I'm not just talking theoretically, I've done this too many times. With previous relationships, and meeting random people, or just subtle changes to impress someone.
It's much better than it used to be, but still I will occasionally find myself literally, literally pretending to be like something else. Or like, acting like just, NOT ME. And I catch myself doing it and think - hang on, what in the name of sweet baby Jesus was that? This is not you. This is not your character. This is you shoving yourself into a tiny tiny box that you yourself have labelled "What I think other people want".
But here's a news flash - and this is very important - people will be interested in you. 
This is the scariest and the truest lesson.
(There isn't one universal Miss SuperFantastic out there that every one just faints at in trouser-dropping enthusiasm. People like different things. People differ. It's simple.)
And once we have the confidence to have faith in this one thing we will find the right people, who want to know us better, and let the wrong ones go and let them meet the people they want to meet.

Because if we don't value what we are, nobody on this sweet-ass planet ever will.

Hooray for the raw guts and character.
With love.
M.

short fuse

Well, well.
I got really pissed off today. Just because (STILL) so, so much is up in the air. (Through this packing process I've realised that I'm such a control freak with some weird things. Like I'm currently frustrated out of my eyeballs because I can't book my flight.)
And like, ugh, whatever.
So, I decided to apply a lot of make-up and do my hair just for the purposes of packing.
And for the purposes of not feeling like a forlorn sock (which, A. can vouch for this, is my all-time least favourite feeling).
Then I played some loud music (from the playlist GO) and burnt some lavender incense.
And calmed the f*ck down.

And I'm gonna carry on packing.

But before I do this I'm gonna give myself a little point an a pat on shoulder (can't reach my own back too well) for catching my friend, anger, by it's tiny little vicious tail and dealing with it.
So, there you go, self, I'm giving you a point!

Ride the wave.
M.

my world

I like this mug, a whole whole bunch.

Shape your world.
M.

anger management

So, let's say you find yourself in a situation, where you have 2 simple options.
A) you break a lot of things that you would not like to get rid of
or B) find a way to NOT do this.

I would personally recommend B.
I mean, yes, it can feel superb, but trust me, the annoyance at having broken your own belongings that arrives after is dull as dishwater. So, stick with B.

My form of anger management.

Obviously followed by the 2nd movement (which is enough to literally tear your heart out with the bittersweet sounds, turn it into and pie and eat it with some vanilla whipped cream), and then the 3rd.

And/or cut your hair.

Nothing that Shostakovich can't fix.
M.

strong

One word to describe your body.
"Strong."

Yes, thank you.

Strong.
M.

your head and your heart

live with peace in your heart

and fire in your eyes

With love.
M.

see it in your eyes

Rainy Monday morning.

What a cover, ladies and gentlemen.
M.