hole

I really need to drill a hole into my head so all this negativity and stuff can come out.

Seriously.
I'm so tired and so fed up with fighting this, this pressure, but I don't know how to release it, for good.
Just the same themes keep swimming up, and I feel like I'm drowning under them.
And every time this feeling gets stronger.
Hardly riding the wave.

I'm sad, and scared and unsure.
It feels like I've lost, at something, already.
It is like the score is 1-0 to someone else.
Best I can do to describe the feeling.
And then people go, oh but singing comes so easy to you.

I wish I didn't see the mountain I have to climb, but I do.
I'm ignoring starting the climb (..this might actually have a HUGE part in my current state of .....this), but I can see it in the background, constantly.
It's like the Alps.
Once you're there you cannot overlook the fact that they are THERE.

And meanwhile I'm crumbling, and crumbling.


Happy Friday.
I have love for all of you.
I hope you are doing what needs to be done, before it starts weighing heavy.

I hate making myself sad.


Yours truly.M.



And you know what.
Nothing external can cure these rips and tears in the system.
No love can work as glue, no gentle care and affection can melt it back together.
This is only a process for the Self and the Love from this Self.