52 days left of 2012.
fifty
two
days
a lot of days that is
These past couple of years and this one included are turning out to be big ones. Not anything particular, just personal developments of all kinds.
I realised I hadn't challenged myself in so long
(so that's why I'm now supplying challenges left, right, and centre.)
(...not really that many. just enough to get some inertia going)
mistakes.
making mistakes
and learning from mistakes
...mistakes are good.
Also. Like, "am I proud of myself", is an interesting question. So often the pride-o-meter is applied by us from an outside angle. I used to be terribly concerned with whether person A is proud of me, or person B, and so forth. This is fine. But I mean, what about me? What about you? What about, "are we proud of ourselves"?
Pride. Pride is an interesting one. Taking pride in what you do. Pride is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. (This is somewhat beside the point, just an interesting digression.)
Measuring myself according to my own scales of pride, not someone else's.
Failing, as well. What is that about? This fear of failure b*llshit? It is so common, but also, such a massive load of crap. Failing at what? And why should anyone be scared? (Please note that I'm talking here more about myself than anyone else.) (And I'm also going to come back to this topic, soon.) There's a thing, a way of working out, apparently, called "Failing". So the point is, you do something until you physically "fail" - your body gives out. You don't count. You don't measure the distance. You go till you fail. You go till you go. I'm not going to go into the physical benefits of this or the lack of, that's for other people to discuss who know much more about this, but. The reason I find this interesting is that failing itself becomes a thing. A thing that is fine, all the time. Not THE thing you fear most.
You workout, till you fail. Only to workout again, to fail, again. It sets up quite a healthy relationship with the term.
So, let's fail. And then fail again.
so
Yoga Neil and Mermaid A. will rave through the universe, only drinking shots,
with REALLY great abs. drunk and fit. rowdy, a little slutty and
SO MUCH FUN.
you will eat msg noodles and be great at
tap and swimming and riding,
i will eat tubs upon tubs of icecream and i'll be good at yoga and
kickboxing.
we will create fear and chaos in the heart
of every swede and Adam Levine (RHYME HO) and it will be glorious.
So.
Nordic music is shifting the plains of my heart and soul right now.
Björk's "Bachelorette" is actually the first music video I remember seeing. Then I forgot about it for at least a decade, and then it made a comeback. I still can't put my finger on what was it about this video that literally burnt into my brain like acid. The colours and the cinematography, but something else. Maybe one day I'll figure it out. And Björk as a symbol, and Björk as a creative force. Or just a force of nature.
Sigur Ros just makes me really happy, and really sad (or maybe it's nostalgia?). And it makes me feel like snow. One of my friends once wrote somewhere that their favourite thing, or favourite music (can't remember) was listening to Sigur Ros on untouched snow. Actually it might have been some other band entirely. But that's beside the point. It makes me miss winter. Which is fairly rare, for the simple fact that if there's something I like less than autumn then it's a long, dreary winter. But Sigur Ros for some reason makes me miss all thing wintery.
Their music reminds me of a night when I was 15, going on 16 and it was I think the 20th of January, if I'm not mistaken, or something along those lines. That night I had attended my first rave ever, it was in a big warehouse and the blinded-by-the-first-love-of-my-lifetime-first-boyfriend was organising it with his friends. I was dropped home around 6am. And I walked home, with my mahoosive black winter coat that I still have and it makes me look like a bear-hunter. I was wearing some flamed DCs (?) and neon yellow gloves. And I had crimped hair. And so I walked home, across freshly-fallen icy, shiny snow. It was the clearest night I can remember in my life. The sky was so dark blue, like I was under a huge duvet. And the stars were all there. And my street looked like a Hollywood-set on a Sunday, so desolate, and peaceful. Like it was catching its breath. I used to live on the most beautiful street on earth. It was the smallest little street, so tiny that even taxi-drivers found it hard to locate. No one ever noticed it. A pedestrian and a car didn't fit at the same time. And that street looked good all through the year. I could probably cry human tears thinking of walking home from the bus stop, spring, summer, autumn or winter. It was just so sheltered and so beautiful in its small-small scale. And so I walked home that night, almost 8 years ago. It must have been around -25C, but I took my sweet time, because it was the most perfect walk home. And I was so - happy. There is no other word more fit to explain what I was feeling. Just steady peace and quiet happiness, at the fact that I was warm, I was calm, and I knew I was loved. And the snow. The streetlights were still working. And the air was just frozen in this serenity that only winter holds.
Sigur Ros remind me of this night. God knows why.
Sigur Ros remind me of home, and snow, and lots of space, and plains, just wide wide wide.
The sound of Lykke Li's voice does something very dramatic to my insides. It's hard to put a finger on or explain it, so I won't attempt either. But it does something. Literally shifts something. It moves me. Some things that do not usually move are moved, physically. Wounded Rhymes album is just another thing. That's all.
Homeboys. EWERT AND THE TWO DRAGONS. If you're not familiar with them (of course with the chance that you don't like this sort of music at all, but maybe you do), I really do recommend. The levels of musicianship are just crazy. CRAY-Z. I like EVERYTHING about this song. And I mean, EVERYTHING. Even the fact that the lead singer looks so much like one of my friends, which just makes the whole experience so much better.
