weekend

Again, completing an old draft.
This was started in the beginning of May.

SO!

My Italian teacher was here end of April-beginning of May and at the end of his teaching period we had 2 concerts.
In addition to individual lessons we had a bunch of rehearsals with the other singers who had flown to Tallinn from allsorts of places around the world.
Croatia
Serbia
Latvia
Lithuania
Japan
Italy
I think I've forgotten someone.
But anyway - a real mix.

And my spring has been truly the one of a hermit.
And it was the most wonderful weekend!
We had our first rehearsals on the 1st of May and the last concert on the 6th of May.
And I just cannot explain how inspired I was by this bunch!!


First of all, the levels of talent, and more importantly, hard work and focus and persistence and consistency these (young) people showed was incredible.
The voices were absolutely mind-blowing.
And secondly, how incredibly nice and generous they were as colleagues!
Just crazy.
And how much fun!
I mean, because a lot of them were from the sunnier sides of Europe their attitude was very different.
So fabulously open and sincere.
Singing on the streets in the Old Town at midnight, the rehearsal fun, and working together, the post-concert meals. All of it.
I am so pleased and grateful that I met this teacher and through him met this bunch of people and got to share that amount of time with them.
It just gives you such energy to focus and work and have fun!

It takes all the work out of work.

Incredible.

I really hope I will get to see at least some of them if not all of them again some time.

And we could all carry on where we most certainly left off.


Here's to inspirational people.
I often forget how much it means and matters, the people who surround you.
It's not just about having people you spend your free time with.
This is all the people, all the time.
People you discuss your passion with, people you work with, people who drive you further, and upwards, and onwards, and give you speed speed speed and fire and life, and make you vivacious and ambitious and joyous, and any other word ending in "-ous", frivolous even.

Just their generosity, blew my mind.

I mean, I have so much performance experience it's crazy, but technically I need to grow in confidence, in terms of opera.

And the attitude of other singers was just so supportive and amazing, again, blew my mind.

I was freaking out before concert number 2 and one of the singer guys just said, "why would you worry. Sing for yourself and god."

None of them added fear, none of them made me feel like I was doing or choosing wrong.

Just an abundance of love and care.

Spectacular.

That's what life is about.
I saw this quote today, that if you cannot find people who help you on your road, walk it alone. I believe Buddha said something along these lines. And I believe this so much.
But I would like to add, once you find the people who Do help you, like you, guard you and keep you, keep them too. Make sure they know you like having them around, share with them, and help them too.

It's cool.
A life-shared.
That's one of the few things I think I truly believe in.
So I think it's time for me to start living by this as well.


Pisces and I celebrated moving in with planting some herbs, and one of them is RISING!
I'm so excited I can't even describe.


Happy Sunday, and Happy Monday!

Yours truly.

As always.

With love.

M.

meaning

Making meaning.
Meaning into the meaningless.


I found some today.


I was talking to a friend of mine, about all this.
And all I did was come back to the same conclusion, again and again, that if I and we are VERY honest, none of this has any meaning.
Truly.
At all.


And this is fine, and I accept this.
This is not a matter of changing my mind about this - this is not what I'm after.
I see this as a fact and truth, and I am okay with this.

The challenge now becomes making meaning into the meaningless.

The point is, I accept that it does not have any true meaning, any wider purpose or whatever.
BUT.
The true meaning is doing what we enjoy.
And through this, as a result, exuding our love into the atmosphere.
That's it.
That's all.
The only meaning, in any of this, at all, ever, is just doing what makes our hearts happy.



And so I went to this concert tonight.
It was baroque.
And I felt a want, I felt that I wanted to sing, again, to get up and share and do.
And give.


So this was really something.
It was as if I found a piece of myself I had given away, or something that had got stuck somewhere, in the twigs and thorns, my hemline stuck on some roots, something pulling me back.
And it felt like I got it back.
Like a bit of me flew back into me.


FIND SOMETHING YOU LOVE.
FIND IT, FIGHT FOR IT.
AND DO IT.

It will be the thing that feeds you, and covers you, and protects you, and saves you from drowning.

Find it, look for it, love it.


So I count this as a good day.

Love, always.
Yours true-true-truly.
M.

“I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good, either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be.”

—	Roald Dahl

life

So.

Yesterday I had two concerts.

And filmed this tv interview.

And then right now, I'm on my way to gig number 1 of the day, and second one starts at 7pm.

The second one also marks the beginning of the Christmas Tour!

Woo!

Today will be finished, and then I'm becoming human once more.

A human who concentrates on eating.

And sleeping.

And a beauty regime.

And reading.

And eating again.

And maybe walking.

Et

Cetera.

We just need to remember that every deviation from the norm - the balanced, peaceful state - is "tension".

And there can be both negative and positive tension.

Everything that affects the middle line of our energy is tiring.

And this is exactly where I'm at.

This month so far has been crazy wonderful.

But I'm really tired.

Not of any one thing in particular, rather just the body wants time to process everything and let it sink in.

So give yourself time to rest even after the super hyper mega positive things in your life.

Your system needs time to take everything in.

And so I'm going to carry on driving towards gig number 1.

Yours truly.

M.

 

steady

The power of rocking steady.

I'm getting my bus at 10am tomorrow.

RIGA-TLN.

Next week is going to be so so interesting.

So many challenging things, so many new things. 

But I will tell you more once I reach my laptop.

For now, I'm watching Poirot in bed.

I sat in a rehearsal today, Wagner, which I don't usually like. 

I did today.

I'm mellow and relaxed and balanced, I think.

Have a really good evening.

Yours truly.

M.

Riia

So hello world, and goodbye world.

I'm on a bus to Riga.

Because that's what's going on right now.

And I'm listening to Peter Gabriel.

And I've sorted all my work things, and emails and some useful things.

And Riga is meant to be nice this time of year.

/ :)

And I sang my concert today. 

To school children.

Apparently, when the music teacher told the kids they were going to have a concert where I'm singing, this little one, a 7 year old girl, put her hand up, with a super troubled face:

"Are you joking with us, miss? Is she REALLY coming here?"

And yes I did.

And they were INCREDIBLE kids. 

So responsive.

And so inspired by the opera and the music.

So we agreed with the music teacher that me and the pianist would return to that school.

And it started snowing!!

Inconvenience today, but god almighty it's pretty. 

And so here I am.

Half way to Riga.

These are the days of miracle and wonder.

I have Love for all of you.

Yours truly.

Always.

M.

days

These are the days of miracle and wonder.

Human kindness is over-flowing, I think it's going to rain today.

These quotes mean only one thing, and one thing alone -

Peter Gabriel.

You are on and in my mind.

Today was a good nothing-day.

Tomorrow will be only a little bit useful.

It's incredible what you get when you face a fear, and let it go.

Just let it fade into nothing, and fill your holes, so nothing drains out in secret.

Absolutely spine-chillingly incredible.

The process is tiresome and wears you 

out and wears you down, but so what?

Challenge is good.

All of it is good.

And the sooner we realize that the better for our lives.

And also - doing the work with yourself and your life, means keeping doing the work.

That's why it's a process, because it doesn't stop.

I don't think you arrive at Bliss Station and call it a day.

The Bliss is the Process.

It's the continuing process of development.

And that's where the peace lives.

But it doesn't stop.

Flows as fluid as life.

Balanced, but super alive.

Universe and love.

Yours truly.

M.

wednesday

So, let's say you would be up at 3AM, on a Wednesday night, right.
What would you be doing?

I presume not singing along to a Medieval Christmas carol, on repeat.


Gaudete Christus est natus


I don't have the appropriate version, sadly.
I will soon.
And then I'll share it.

#sacredmusic


Yours truly.
M.

Today

Another crazy day.

Good singing things today.

Actually, excellent. 

Excellent singing things.

I've got super loads of lyrics to learn this week but I'm getting started tomorrow so that is all doable.

I've currently got something under 6 hours till my alarm goes off.

But all the excitement from the day is keeping my eyes open like an owl.

Tomorrow morning I'm gonna have some lovely breakfast, somewhere.

Then rehearsal 11am, and a proper home evening.

I really need to learn the switching off business. 

For now, I bid you all a superb night, from  the Spaniards bed.

Love and light.

Yours truly.

M.

grace and choice

This lyric from this song absolutely kills me.
I love it, beyond beyond.



And usually these lists of nice -insert something- don't work for me, but this is truly wonderful.
And I am inclined to agree with all of it.

songs

Whatever doors I have in my heart and soul, this song opens them, steps in and has a slow dance.
All by itself.
In the moonlight.
Enjoying and sensing the movement.
Surrendering to hope, and the faith, and the love.

Surrendering to its own rhythm and time.
And making love through seeing love, above and below.

Why is surrendering so hard?

This song belongs at a wedding, with candles in jars, and people who care.
And all the I-can't-even.

Yours truly.
M, and Neil Young.

like the old days

The Friday just gone was a glorious, glorious, glorious day.

Even the weather was nice.

So much good was sorted, and realised, both by me and her.
And then we decided to have some cake to celebrate.
Which we did.
And then we decided to go to the 100th season opening at the National Opera house.

Which we also did.

And it was great.


Just the atmosphere.
Black-tie and red carpet.
The people and the whole set-up.
And the gala concert itself was excellent standard.
And the whole thing just made me very happy.

And afterwards we took photos outside the opera house, and just, that's what I want.
I want to sing, and I want to learn how to use my own voice, so much better than I can at the moment.
And I want to be the dedicated student, I want to excel at studying.
And I want to learn all the parts, and sing to all the people.
And just ..make music.
I think that's the highest purpose I have.
I just need to not stand in my own way.
As do most of us.

And I want to just embrace all of it.
As me and for me and you know..
Not pretend or try to be something for someone else.
'Cause that never lasts.

I want to excel.


Then we had Vapiano pasta and prosecco (dressed as shown below).
And then I went and (roughly) doubledd the happy-ness.
So much so, that I couldn't sleep till 5.10AM.
Adrenaline-cat was at work.

Interesting times are ahead, my darlings.

As ever.
Yours truly.
M.

badass

I absolutely love this.

No seriously.
Aaabsolutely love this.

Don't assume you know how Retta rolls.
M.

START OF THE TOUR

Hello, awesome souls!
I hope you had a nice mid-week.

Today, it's official - I've started the summer tour.
We had our first gig, of 22.
It was outdoors, we had plenty of people, and it's a random Wednesday night.
It went so so well, the audience was absolutely a-mazing.



So currently I'm so grateful, at all of it.
Really, all of it.

And also, after I'd finished my first song, this super-lovely human being lady came to the stage, with this flower garland, and just put it on my head - with 100% consent, of course.

I would rate that as one of the best things to have happened to me during my singing/stage life, which is almost as long as my life on the whole, on this planet.
Just, the symbol of it.
Fertility, and abundance, and giving, and Mother Earth, and the fruitful season, and just OH MY GOD. So many things that are so important to me and so close to my heart.

It is the most perfect way to start the month and start this tour.
Start telling your stories and singing the songs.



And then there was a box of strawberries after the gig.
I don't usually like strawberries if I'm honest, but these ones were SO RIPE, and tasted just simple amazing, so I had about a thousand. Accompanied with the red/pink hands post-eating, with my garland.



I'm just getting some rest now and I plan to sleep completely alarm-free tonight.
Fresh peppermint tea, and Gordon Ramsay shouting at some people.

It's a good feeling, going to sleep, knowing that I have actually shared something tonight, and that other souls really received what we were doing tonight.
You can always tell.

Sing songs.
M.

post-rehearsal

so
tired
but
it's
so
cool
to
sing
and
stuff

Peace.
M.

kesäaika

I'm super in the mood for blogging.
This is nice.

https://soundcloud.com/onlychillstep
First of all, this is my current beat.
100% current beat.
This was our Fin-dventure soundtrack as well.
I plan to walk in chillstep through this summer, and onwards.



I have quite the to-do list for today but currently I am concentrating on coffee, an elongated breakfast and 24.
Jack Bauer is not having a good day, as per usual.
Later on I think I'll go over the things I figured out in Finland, and make some coherent notes.

I start the tour in exactly a week.
This means it's get-your-thoughts-focused-o'clock.
And it's only 11.30AM.

Sometimes it's hard just be to okay. Scrap that - not okay, rather "awesome".
What I mean is - because there's this constant sense of "I have to do this", or "I have to do that", and all these thoughts about life and career and whatever, along with some problems, and "issues". Blah blah.
So, it becomes hard to just ride the wave. And genuinely say, yes, I'm doing really well, and not for a day or so, but for a longer period of time.
But this is what we all need to practice.

Kyllä tämä kesäaika kestää koko elämän.

I'm doing pretty super, thanks.
M.

eat my bassline

Yum-yum, nom-nom.
Just eating this bass beat.
As a snack.

Bass.
M.

sing your song

There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is counted not from when they were born, nor from when they are conceived but from the day that the child was a thought in its mother’s mind. And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come.
And after she’s heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child’s father, and teaches it to him. And then, when they make love to physically conceive the child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite it.

And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child’s song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old women and the people around her sing the child’s song to welcome it.
And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child’s song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks it up and sings its song to it. Or perhaps the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song.

In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them.

The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.

And it goes this way through their life.
In marriage, the songs are sung, together.
And finally, when this child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing—for the last time—the song to that person.

You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not.
When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well.
You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.

http://thegodmolecule.tumblr.com/

Sing your song.
M.

unexpected friend

Hello, sunshine!
You unexpected friend!

This situation of course presents an interesting change in things.
Sunshine just does this, y'know.

I just got home, and now I've devised the perfect - and I mean, the perfect - set up.
The best one I've discovered living here so far. And that's been 4 years.

I carried the rocking chair to my room, to face the window.
I have my cup of tea and the cat at arms length.
And I'm watching the Biggest Loser with the big speakers attached.
I mean.
Yes.

I haven't had a home day in so so so so so so so long.
I would like to do some laundry, and cut my hair.
And just listen to MY music, real loud.
Real loud.

So here I am.
In my black trakkies, in the rocking chair.
I need to do some work stuff, and I'll see E. later.

PS, judging by that photo I should clean the mirror as well.

Happy Saturday, guys.
M.

today

Always with dem boxes.

It's time to write up some concert programs, like a bad-ass.

Peace.
M.

Earth Day

Yesterday was Earth Day, and I walked my little balls off.
No, like, really.
I walked a crazy amount yesterday.

In town, with some pastry, for a while.
Then kind of, late afternoon, for a long time. I walked into town, from home, took like an hour and a bit.
And then more just before going to bed.
A lot of walking.

But it was super nice, and very therapeutic. Me and Peter Gabriel had a marvellous time.
I mean, really.
Next time I have anything to solve, at all, or release or just get over, that is what I need to do.
Have comfy footwear, have Peter Gabriel in my little earholes and walk, walk, walk.
Besides, the weather was divine.
And the sun was setting.

And I enjoy finding unexpected places or see something really beautiful, or just striking.
This photo does not do it justice, but this sunset was amazing.
Even though it's some crappy parking lot that I have never even properly looked at.

Perpetual quest for balance.
I've always said this, always, for yeeears. And that has always been the thing.
And now I was dealt a superb card to test everything that I think I know.

But spring is here.
And beauty is all over the place.

So go explore.
M.