would you stay, just a little?

"what we think, we become."
so let's think good, kids



Today's been a busy one. And tomorrow will be nice.
I need to finish some stuff. But I'll plough.
It's boring to be nice. It's nice to be nice. And it's nice to be boring at the moment.

I think I should start saying goodbye to Tallinn. I'm flying on Sunday. That's 5 nights and 4 and a half days. (Who's keeping count.)
I think that's just short of the time I'll need to say goodbye.
This is going to be so hard, I'm quivering already.

Pizza tomorrow, at E's new place. Pizza and cold cans of Coke, from her fridge, in her place.
I'm so so happy for her, just so happy about all of this.

Of course, this has fuelled my own burning desire for a place. A box. Maria's box. Maria's little box. To be honest, this must be getting boring already - considering I whine about this quite often.
But not to fear, these cogs will start turning soon.
And I'll be writing about my fridge, and my place.

We celebrated today. With some champers and cake. I think most things in life, regardless of the tonality or particular shading, should really be celebrated with cake and champagne.

Back to London.
This is the first time in 7 YEARS (that's SEVEN YEARS) that I've been in Tallinn this far into autumn. 3rd of October. This hasn't happened in 7 years.
I don't really even know what to think about it.

I'm still working towards understanding why I don't think this one is the "ideal world" I keep talking about. I'll figure it out, and start doing all the things I say I'd do.
And it will be fun.


give in to me
M.

remember

"remember,
you're in charge."


I always say, in an ideal world.
Why not though?
What does that even mean?
What does it mean, in an ideal world?

And why is this one any less than ideal?

M.

forced ent.

i miss this
i miss sitting through 6 hours of quizoola
and bloody mess
chaos
it really really appeals to the non-control part

beat 2

i just got so excited
about theatre (?)
but not, it as such, about doing it.

the feeling of doing it, came back. and excited me so much

weird that

is it realistic?
why not to be honest.
I am a massive chicken, and always have been.
but if i want something, why not stop being a chicken.
if i ask, and not get anywhere, why is that a bad thing?
at least i tried, you know.
maybe i should...just make a few inquiries.
thats all i can do really cause i dont even know what im asking

the prospect.
fuck.
so excited



WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE?
..okay, good.
so go for it.


with love
You


All naked and the dead should hold each other hands /S.Walker/

spring

http://arhiiv.err.ee/vaata/siin-me-oleme-maria-listra

From spring.
(and so wont work for non-estonian speakers.)
M.

beat

i
want
all
sorts
of
things
so
much



my heartrate indicates excitement.
i like it




RAISE
MY
PULSE

M.

1-2-3-4

crazy ass kids

I've genuinely had the month of a teenager. Or a very chilled out twenty-something.
Both things very not me.
New style, ya know?
And why not.

I told a friend a week or so ago that whenever I see him I feel as if he looks like he's on holiday. Or there is just something very holiday-y about him. A certain relaxed atmosphere, or maybe it's just being so at home in your own skin? Which almost counts as a constant holiday anyway..
Well, whatever it is, I like it a lot. And I admire it about him.
So why not snatch it?

let them in
let them in
let them in
HEEYYYY
M.

(ps, I WAS wearing trousers. just the jumper at 7am was no longer tucked in.)

(found this song on Dani's blog. http://dani.metromode.se/)