blog?

Bad kitty. 

I haven't blogged in a while.

And as we know, every day i don't blog, is a day of uncollected thoughts.

And this time is no different.

Christmas this year arrived with an unwanted friend.

Serious past and baggage time.

But this is just a matter of semiotics, I guess...

Label it different.

Not impossible.

There is no one and only.

With anything.

There's choices and options and paths.

We each have a different one.

And so we have different things that hurt.

No pain is the same.

Find the people who heal your pain.

It's the greatest gift anyone can give.

Things don't simply disappear, sadly.

Until we are ready to take them, head on, and always with love.

For that is the only thing ever to heal anything really.

So when you do find that which hurts, give it Love.

Give yourself (!!) love.

Whatever it is that has caused you this pain, it has done it long enough.

So out of pure love for yourself, forgive.

And release.

And where there was pain, is now Love.

I know all this founds fairly vague and lala-land, but it works.

I'm on my way to tour concert number 3.

It's 2 days before Christmas and my heart is somewhere else.

But it's good, all of this is good.

And last night as well, so many old friends.

So happy 4th Advent to you all.

Stick with your process, and as long as you have Hope in a universal abundance, you'll be just fine.

I think it's time for me to do some reading.

And painting.

And maybe even go to some work out class.

Or yoga with Pisces.

Mostly reading though.

As ever, yours truly.

M.

autumn

I thought of something today.

Autumn.
And why autumn suits this kind of thing.

Because everything is getting bare and cold, and sparse.

So it's easy to discuss, and think, and feel yourself at the core, find the core.
All the falling leaves, everything is skeleton.

Space.

And the skeleton provides a great base for this sort of thinking.

And so for the first time, I don't have a problem with autumn.
I'm rather enjoying it.
And I feel it helps the processes of psychological deduction.

So, autumn.
Here's to you.

Yours truly.
M.

(un)important

I love this.

I think this is how I see love.

Appreciating the things, "the unimportant things you find important".
I love that.

Yours truly.
M.

doing

Seriously, this.

In order to BE, you must DO.
I must do.

Doing is the key.

Ideas are "it". You need to have them.
But then?
Ideas themselves are not the thing.
They need the meat. Give your ideas the meat.
The "doing".

Yours truly.
Back in the business.
M.

space

Back to this question, of space, my own space.
I was thinking about this today, as I was walking home.
Thinking of the way the floor will feel, thinking of having a vinyl player, and playing records of Chopin, or whatever, that I will have bought from this second hand/ vintage shop.
And cups of tea, sat on the floor, in socks.
And drawing, and having more and more courage to dream so big that I could almost faint and feel that I can't fit my dreams in my head and my heart.
And maybe get some of my friends to paint something on the walls.
And just make it my space.

My
space

My
own
space

for
me

Space
just
for
me

With love.
M.

i am

What you say after "I AM" comes looking for you. And fast.
Elisabeth Fayt

I am  p e a c e. 
Please-thanks.
Come looking for me!

Peace.
M.


This was a while ago.

love

http://dani.metromode.se/

I've spoken about Dani's blog before.

This time she was talking about love. Not my usual topic, but it was just so simple.
Enough of the introduction, I'll just forward what she wrote.

‘’Love is what we were born with.  Fear is what we learned here.’’ Marianne Williamson.

LOVE BEGINS WITH YOU: Your inner voice is where your story of love begins: It is hard to feel worthy of love if someone is criticizing you all the time and especially if that someone is talking in your head.

True love isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated.

Love and kindness is a way of living.  Where there is love, there is no judgment.  Where there is judgment, there is no love.

Love is the great transformer,  the greatest medicine to heal the whole world.

Love is something you and I must have.  We must have it because our spirit feeds upon it.

Love is the greatest healing power of all.

Love fuels passion, hope and desire. It generates creativity giving us purpose and making us feel alive.

 All your love matters and makes a difference.

 Love is accepting others as they are, allow them to be themselves and stop trying to change them.

"Our life is a reflection of what we believe we deserve."

"

So what do you think you deserve?

Love.
M.

5 years of blog

Happy birthday, my blog!

5 years ago on the 19th of February I wrote my first blog post on this address.
And it was so very different.

The first post was called "raindrops and moonlight", and back then I was writing in Estonian.
I was feeling unwell and reading some Estonian poetry.
Not very different, apart from just how melancholic the tone is. Just crazy, imagining thinking like this now.
I'm ecstatic to realise that some of the things I really yearned for back then, I've reached by now. Kudos, self.
And I was eating this chocolate. I think dad sent it from home.
And I was looking forward to the arrival of spring.

So some things never change.
M.

freedom

So, there's this blog.

http://abrahamalghanem.com/

His name is Abraham and he's from Saudi Arabia. His blog is like a mixture of photos, life-advice and both his poetry and prose.
I think he's written a few books as well.

The reason why we're currently talking about Abraham was something he said in a comment to one of the readers. It was something along the lines of "I would get arrested in my country just for having an opinion".

This got me thinking.
Whether this statement is true or false, or too grim, or just realistic enough, is not the point.
The reason why I found this fascinating is the fact that I have never had to consider this.

Freedom, you know?

The freedom to think, freedom to speak my mind, and the absolute freedom to choose.
Choice. My choice. The freedom to have my choice.
Freedom.
Something to be so thankful for, all day, every day.
And I hope I'll never have to feel what it's like not to have it.

Freedom.
M.

turn right, or turn wrong

i've been thinking about this wrong
i've been thinking about singing wrong
cause i've always thought that at the point where i would rather not breathe, singing is not gonna improve anything, that it will just highlight what i can't do, or what i should be doing better.
BUT.
it's wrong.
singing is just the thing i'll need to do then, because all i need to do is follow what's already been written down for me.
that's all.
so simple, so clear-cut, so straight, in every way. so comforting, so steady and stable.
so clean. so clear.
so transparent.
so sure. and unchanging.
feet on the ground, something to latch on to.

i've been thinking about this wrong, i think.
M.

core

"i have infinite amounts of energy running through me, and i will not restrain it
as i guide my friends, i will guide myself
i will never be alone, because we are all connected
i will not beg for love or attention, because i am worthy of both"

MIDDLE

I flew back 2 days ago, and so far I've only thought boring, middle-of-the-scale thoughts.
It is getting serious.
There's a reason I blog a lot in Estonia. Because I just think more there.
That of course includes the usual, the unusual and the everyday, but point is, I. just. think. more.

SO.
The question now is.

WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THIS?

Since thinking is one of my top 3 favourite things to do, this is more than a marginal problem.

"How to induce interesting thoughts?"

.....ummmmm..........

Seriously.

Seriously.
M.

ps. (Anyone with any guidance as to the question above, please go crazy.)

would you stay, just a little?

"what we think, we become."
so let's think good, kids



Today's been a busy one. And tomorrow will be nice.
I need to finish some stuff. But I'll plough.
It's boring to be nice. It's nice to be nice. And it's nice to be boring at the moment.

I think I should start saying goodbye to Tallinn. I'm flying on Sunday. That's 5 nights and 4 and a half days. (Who's keeping count.)
I think that's just short of the time I'll need to say goodbye.
This is going to be so hard, I'm quivering already.

Pizza tomorrow, at E's new place. Pizza and cold cans of Coke, from her fridge, in her place.
I'm so so happy for her, just so happy about all of this.

Of course, this has fuelled my own burning desire for a place. A box. Maria's box. Maria's little box. To be honest, this must be getting boring already - considering I whine about this quite often.
But not to fear, these cogs will start turning soon.
And I'll be writing about my fridge, and my place.

We celebrated today. With some champers and cake. I think most things in life, regardless of the tonality or particular shading, should really be celebrated with cake and champagne.

Back to London.
This is the first time in 7 YEARS (that's SEVEN YEARS) that I've been in Tallinn this far into autumn. 3rd of October. This hasn't happened in 7 years.
I don't really even know what to think about it.

I'm still working towards understanding why I don't think this one is the "ideal world" I keep talking about. I'll figure it out, and start doing all the things I say I'd do.
And it will be fun.


give in to me
M.