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AUGUST

And so with the Arrival of August, it's time for one of these.
(I started this last November, when I decided to pick a theme for each month, so I could monitor my progress in whatever field a little easier. I haven't done this in a long while, but I feel it's time. I want to have this month by its ovaries.)

And so, without further ado.
"A is for."

ARMASTUS. (love, in Estonian.)

Art. More time for the things that make me tick. My positive triggers. Creating something, sharing interesting ideas with people. More art. Watching or doing or whatever. Just, art.

Affairs. (...IN ORDER. I've postponed sorting a whole bunch of stuff, since I am still of course the self-proclaimed Queen of Procrastination Nation. However, since I'm increasingly getting fed up with this title it's really time to turn over a new page. And re-titled myself, something like, Crown Princess of Productivity? Anyway, you get the general idea.)

All-together.
Armour.
Alive.


Advice. I really have to learn how to understand when to ask for advice. I like to be a Know-it-all, but sadly, let's be honest, that's bullsh*t. No one knows everything. Besides, it's a lot more work figuring out something yourself, when I could simply ask. Why re-invent the wheel, eh?

Admit.

Assignment. I haven't challenged myself in a long while, so I think it's time for assignments. Whether it's fitness stuff, or just afore-mentioned getting my "affairs" in order, et cetera. Point being - I need goals, I need assignments.

Acceptance.
This one is important!
And goes out for everyone else as well as myself.
Plant alllll the seeds of acceptance, that you are worthy.
Of all the good stuff there is in the whole wide world.
We deprive ourselves of the chance of success and succeeding so often, saying "we can't do it anyway", even before we've made the first tiny step.
So please, you, and you, and me as well. Let's accept ourselves for exactly what we are and accept the fact that we are worthy, of all the good.

Absolute.
Admiration. (Admire stuff! The world, the weather, the clouds, pretty things, ugly things, interesting things, people, matchboxes, cool flowers, food, and rain, and yourselves, and your friends. Admire. The more admiration you plant into the world, the more you'll convince yourself that this is a Divine place to live in.)

Always.
Always.

Arrive.
Arrival.
Arrivals. Don't be scared to leave places and go explore. Arriving is awesome.

Animation. Same as admiration really. Live with animation. There's not much point in holding back. If you REALLY like something, say it, feel it and share it. Laugh too loud and jump too high.

Appreciation! Of yourself, of what you have. Appreciation and gratitude are too things most useful and most beauty-making.

Abundance.

Aloud.

Approval. (We seek for it, from our parents, our friends, the society, our employer, la la la, so on. What about yourself? Do YOU approve of the person you are? Do YOU approve of the things you do? So please, earn your own approval. And again, this goes straight to myself as well as for all of you who might need this.)

Aims. Aiming.

Alight. Set yourself alight.

Amazement.
AMAZEMENT.
Follow the amazement.

“Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive.”

—

Hafiz

So this is all I have to say about August.
This is the kind of month I want to have.

Most important thing is, that whatever you want to Accomplish (...just in case you missed the fact that this was an "A" word..), be mindful about what you are doing for it, and give yourself a clear structure of how to get to this.
This might be a state of living, a job, a state of a relationship, or a state of mind for you and you alone.
Point is, make sure you give yourself what you want.
If you won't, no one else will.
(I'll try to remember this.)

So, here's one to the beginning stage of a glorious month!

Happy August!
M.

my day

I'm so pleased with myself right now.

With love.
LOLCATS.
M.

2012

About time for a recap.
I've been putting this off for a while, but here goes.

A good work year. When I'm doing the projects and concerts I never consider that I'm working necessarily. I enjoy it so much, and in that sense I'm hugely privileged to have a "job" like that. That I get to sing. But then in retrospective I always call it working.
So here goes. A good work year. January kicked off with a double portion of Opera Holloway. Händel and "Samson" first, and then Massenet and "Cinderella" second. Then there was the April tour which was such an awesome, ambitious project. It was my baby. I had never conceived a concert tour idea on my own, beginning to end. So it meant a lot. Then in February I found Sue, and started working with her. Then in July I had the insane summer tour, 22 concerts, in 25 days. Which was the most amazing learning opportunity. It helped me grow in the right direction so so much, and I'm so grateful for it. Then August was for Abingdon, September had the birthday celebration concert of a renowned pianist, in Talllinn. And December, again tour time.
2012 was amazing for travels. Apart from the bi-country lifestyle, I went to Switzerland in May to see A. Then there was August and Hrvatska, via Finland. And then 2 mini-trips to Stockholm, for some Scandinavian chaos and mayhem.
2012 was a good year for friends. I gained some new ones that I'm really grateful for. And saw some old ones I hadn't for a while.

2012 was a great great year for me. Just on some new found personal level, 2012 was good for me. I feel like I started thinking, actually thinking about what I was doing, and that I took responsibility for my decisions. For once, I didn't just carry on going, and I didn't think of what someone else expected of me. I took my chances and grew from my setbacks.
I think in a few decades I'll look back on this year just gone and really understand just how significant it was. I feel better than I used to, more at peace, more balanced and more grounded.
And I feel like I'm really starting to enjoy being me.
2012 also marked the beginning of my transition towards a healthier life, physically, mentally, emotionally - in every possible way. I've worked through some of my crap and I feel like I'm truly finally moving in the right direction.
It's also the year when I realised I can stop justifying. If I'm happy with what I'm doing, or what I look like, or what I'm doing with my days, then so be it. And that is all the justifying I will ever need to do.

I'm grateful for a good year and for having the amazing people in my life, my lovely lovely friends, my family and my cat, of course. Thank you for being there for me through the more or less interesting times. Thank you for having good advice and being the best motivation/inspiration. Thank you for pushing me when I'm stuck, or guiding me when I'm lost.
Thank you for a great year.
And let's make this one even better.

Here's to tuning in.
Bye-bye, 2012.
M.

boring

I'm currently bored, by myself. As in, "I" am boring "me".
Hahahaa, such a ridiculous statement! But I mean, really. I can't even like, begin to describe. To be honest, you must have quite a good idea since you read this blog. But you know.
I haven't worn anything but my tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie for I don't even remember how long.

Tomorrow is a day off.
I will take one day, and I will refuse to think about moving.
I'm gonna meet H. in town, and we'll do something fun, exciting, and un-boring!

Current total is 8 boxes, and around 75kg.

Later on I think I need a good-long full-works bath, and to just sit, and watch TV or something like that. Keep up with some Kardashians, or watch the new Grey's anatomy. Or do my nails, some beautifying routines anyway. Something to remind me that there's more to life than dusty boxes, and trying to figure out whether I desperately need this one specific thing in my life or not.

I feel like a sock.
No, thanks.M.

♥

Fresh flowers, on someone's tumblr.
Days and nights.
M.

OH, and A. came out with some really interesting stuff today.
Internal-external.
Stuck, or weighed down.

turn a page

bi-polarbear

monday

Here's one for Monday.
Strictly Come Dancing is keeping me great company. Thankyou, Sky, and thankyou, BBC.
I miss dancing.
And I'm not even going to pretend that I don't want to be on the Estonian version of that, SO MUCH.
But it's there, simmering in my heart and soul and at some point I will attack that plan so hard.
Because that would make. my. life.

Today is for blogging.

Here's to Monday.
M.

oh and by the way

...We did the pizza+OFFICIAL+yay+day thing today. 

And it was divine.
M+E.



COOOOOKE. Cans of Coke in the fridge make. a. home.

midnight show

I know what you want
I'm gonna take you a midnight show tonight
If you can keep a secret
I got a blanket in the back seat of my mind
And a little place that sits beneath the sky
She turned her face to speak
But no-one heard her cry

Drive faster, boy

I know there's a hope
There's too many people trying to help me cope
You got a real short skirt
I want to look up, look up, look up, yeah yeah

We were just in time
Let me take a little more off your mind
There's something in my head
Somewhere in the back said
We were just a good thing
We were such a good thing

Make it go away without a word
But promise me you'll stay
Fix these things I've heard
Oh make it go away!

Drive faster, boy

A crashing tide can't hide a guilty girl
With jealous hearts that start with gloss and curls
I took my baby's breath beneath the chandelier
Of stars in atmosphere
And watch her disappear
Into the midnight show

Oh faster, faster, faster
Oh no no no no no
If you keep a secret
Well baby, I can keep a secret
If you keep a secret

The Killers,
with an absolute bang.M.