magnetic

I hope the thing that was here today and now has hopefully left was actually a magnetic storm.

Cause this day was not fun.

In other news.
- worked on the program for tomorrow
- sorted some music for a concert on the 30th so next Saturday
- did some awesome daydreaming/planning with the pretty one
- felt her babyNINJA'S HEART BEAT.
(let's just let this sink in)
- joined Instagram (I'm not yet taking pouty selfies, but knowing me, this will happen)
- watched many episodes of Hannibal (the new one with Mads Mikkelsen, LOVE)
- agreed to an interview on Monday
- and ate lasagne

So that was my day.
Tomorrow will be busy.
Wake-up, rehearsal, concert-ready, concert, rehearsal.

I really want to get all the social media things into a structure.
I mean, yeah, it's not usually my cup of tea.
And I always feel like I need to understand, visualise in my head, what role they have.
What part to play.

 So for now, I'll leave you to bedtime.

Yours truly.

M.

January 4, 2013

With the new year kick-starting, I seem to just forget to take a moment and breathe.
I won't do New Year's resolutions because they are not my style really - as in, I don't really like them.
So this year I will simply take time.
Take time to be. Cause there's such joy in being! And keep reminding myself. New habits are hard to start, but once we start a habit, the habit carries on and then forms us.
So, I will create a habit of taking time.
Taking time to make time.
I don't wish to live another year so that I get myself into ridiculous over-worked dead-ends. It's just an unpleasant waste of time, counter productive, so I am very much looking forward to saying, "yay! got rid of that".
So therefore, find an hour a day that is not tied to a laptop, or a phone, or a TV-set. 
I know I will. Just a little time to switch off.
And I am absolutely dead-certain it will make a huge difference.
I like being busy, but busy and busy are different. Once I'm so busy I would like to slice my eyeballs open - I mean, where's the fun in that. But with a little time for breathing, the busy becomes a nice busy. Like, waves. Being caught in it, buried under it, or riding it. The wave, after-all, is the same.

Ride your wave.
M.

aujourd'hui

Today will consist of or has consisted of:
7AM wake-up
Writing a to-do list
Going to the library/getting music
Radio interview
Rehearsal
Figuring out what I'm singing
TV-people filming at the scaff? (actually scaffolding in the church)
Drawing a plan of who is standing where on the scaff/sending it to the sound designer


Actually, now that I've written it out like this, it doesn't sound that bad!
Woo! This was a good shout!

Peace.
M.

Let's bitch on this day.
PS, that's still a lollipop.

gracefully

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."

HOW GRACEFULLY
YOU LET GO OF THINGS
NOT MEANT FOR YOU

Let's, PLEASE, just let this sink in. Please.
Because all truth and happiness is in that.

How gracefully you let go of things not. meant. for. you.

Measuring, and hearing, and understanding what is meant for us and what isn't and listening to our intuition.
Because your intuition is always right, always.
Your intuition already knows everything.

So let's just remember this, right.
Let go of things not meant for you.

And so. Every day start again.
Because nothing matters apart from what you do today and how you live today.

What we do today, matters most.
M.

today

Today is Wednesday.

Today I was sat at my computer in my home office (ha) writing work emails for 7 hours.
Not a joke.
Not a joke.
Also, in my PJs because I woke up and decided I had so much to do that getting changed would be a waste of time.
However, this means I got a whole big bunch of stuff done.

And now I'm going to town, to listen to some poetry by one of the guys who's singing at my Scaffolding gig.
And then the Spanish one and I will have our socks blown off by Samsara. (Google dat.)

Peace out, far and wide.
M.

PS: That's a lollipop. No joke.



PPS: We did a pretty excellent multi-media sex scene to this once. And it's also a SICK tune.

my day

I'm so pleased with myself right now.

With love.
LOLCATS.
M.

days

Every single day when I don't write anything on this very blog, is a day when I don't focus my thoughts.

So this was 4 days too many.

I really have to write, every day.
It just helps.

So, do it, Maria.
Thanks.

You are the priority.
I am the priority.

Write.
M.

day and night

What
happens
during
the
night?

I don't understand it.
I go to sleep feeling perfectly alright, having been hideously useful during the day, done some concert stuff and so forth. Watched some Brideshead Revisited. Dream of some cool theatre stuff.
And then I wake up.

And somewhere between sleeping, and becoming fully awake, something happens.
And I wake up ..not sad, or anything. Just empty I guess.

And I battle it.
I battle it with music, and melon and more Brideshead and good thoughts.
But I would like to wake up and not have to 'fight' something.

The reason I'm writing about this is because this has happen for a few days now.
And it's just getting very tiring to be honest.

These are the times.
M.

aujourd'hui

Today.

Oh, today.
What shall we do with you.

I mean, either I'm weird, or this is some sunshine disorder, or whatever.
Yesterday I was so full of everything, life and energy and desire to do stuff, mainly.
None of which is here today.
And neither is the sunshine.

Actually, the sun was so lush yesterday, I caught a bit of a face-tan.
I mean, mega.

But today is not yesterday.
Today is gray and real quiet, and a little somber.
A somber Friday.
I do have quite a lot to do, but somber-ness and me don't make for a very good working combo.
Besides, Place beyond the pines (yesterday) really put me in a little hole.
I think I'm partially still in it.

But no, today has potential to be very very excellent indeed.
So let's turn this around, very soon, and properly.

I think this is the biggest thing that has changed.
I used to think that I can't and therefore didn't want to change my "bad" days.
But that is so different now.
I don't enjoy this anymore, at all.

Which means I have a choice.

And today, I choose to have a "good" day. No, really, a good day.
And see the people who want to see me, and I want to see.
Do the things I need to do.
Do the things I can do, and want to do.
And live a little you know.

I choose.
M.

sun

There's just this super ghetto looking lot of nothing behind our apartment block.
But it gets real pretty sunsets and sunrises. 

So I'm super pleased they are yet to fill it with all-sorts of buildings, but for now, it just is.

Sunsets.
M.

hey guys

Today is Nanny-day!
My nephew is getting here soon and my desire to be an awesome auntie always kicks in.
I don't know what we're going to do yet, but I sure know he's gonna have fun!

Also, any day when it appears that I have a lot of hair on my head is automatically a good day.

And so, I'm gonna turn the Nanny wheel and see what I come up with.
And I started some interesting drafts late last night which I plan to finish today.

PS, had a very unexpected dream. You know when someone arrives in your dream and you wake up in the morning going "WHERE did you come from?" But it was a nice dream so no harm done.

With love.
M.

all the f*cks

Oh, look at all the f*cks i don't give!



So.
I used to think this kind of attitude was in some way negative, or not really advancing anything at all.

But.
After giving this fairly significant amounts of thought time, I have now come to the conclusion, that actually it is fine.
This does not mean I don't like people, or I don't care about people.
This doesn't imply arrogance in the slightest.
This only means I don't go crazy over what people necessarily "think" about me. My clothing, or my career, or my manner of speaking. Which is all matter of subjective opinion.
And once I managed to kind of start letting go of this I was so much freer just to enjoy people as they were, not be so hung up on what I thought other people thought of me.

"Caring" too much also leads down a really evil path - perpetual competing, with other people.
If you are constantly trying to please everyone and make sure you are to everyone's taste all you are really doing is ripping yourself apart, because let's be honest here - it's impossible to please everyone.

Look in the mirror.
That's your competition.

And I don't say this as a person who wants to achieve nothing or for whom being successful is not important - on the contrary. This kind of attitude - push yourself, not compete with others - will lead to success. (I am still really very much trying to make this attitude natural and easy, so I don't have to remind myself of where to place my pinpoint of emphasis. But so far, so good. And seriously, everything comes so much easier.)

If you really work at trying to become the very very best version of yourself you can possibly be, you won't have time to judge others, therefore good things will happen, you will go far and you will succeed in whatever field you are active in.

Change your mind, and you can change anything.

With love.
M.

an actual post

THEY ARRIVED!
My boxes, guys! They arrived!

Oh my heavens, this feeling of having my things in the same space, creates this incredible atmosphere.
It sounds pretty ridiculous, so simple, so shallow, but honestly, it's not.
It's not about the things, it's about the fact that my life and everything it entails is syncing. The halves are here in the same space as me and it feels so glorious.
It feels like I have dropped the anchor and so I can now stand still, near the harbour, for just a day. Enjoy some sunshine and eat the local food.
Then drag it up again, adjust the sails, and go.

But no one can go forever, without that day near the harbour. That day of sunshine, sea food and tanned faces. Seashells, waves, dancing girls and stray cats. No one. You have to have that day.
So I am having that day.
With all my stuff, here, in my room, right now.

YAYAYYAYAYYAYYAYYYAYYYAYYAYAYAYYYYYYYYY!

Yes.

Take that day. 
M.

yay!

This jumper, honestly, i will wear it like every day.
Also, I love punctuation marks.

YAY!
M.

v-day

Or Friends' Day! As it is known in the Nordic parts of Europe.
Cherish your friends and hug them loads.

We had fit breakfast today, and it was fit.
I stayed at E's place and we got up at 7am which translates to me as 5am London time. It was so much fun! I do like early mornings once I get up for one. And also, I must say, I'm exhausted right now. The past 3 nights have held no sleep so I'm really deprived.
Hopefully I'll shift back into a normal-ish structure with tonight.

Head Sõbrapäeva!
M.

tuesday

I've been very useful today. So I give myself a point!

And we've got an awesome awesome Tuesday planned! (Since it is my last official day. OH. MY. F*CK.)

AEM and I are gonna get up at 7AM and go to town for breakfast. We've got a table for 8.30 at this place http://www.gordonramsay.com/bread-street/
And I'm so going to have eggs benedict. Ahhh, eggy B, my old friend. (And probably some pink grapefruit.)





Then we're meeting J. at the Barbican tube station around half 9 to go to the Barbican for the Rain Room installation.
Rain Room is a hundred square metre field of falling water through which it is possible to walk, trusting that a path can be navigated, without being drenched in the process.
http://random-international.com/work/rainroom/
It looks absolutely incredible. Apparently the queues are like crazy (3-4 hours) so we're getting there an hour and a half before it opens. We're going armed with boardgames (connect-4 and battleship which I love) and I'll need a can of Sprite I think.
And then AJ is joining us a bit later.

Once we've seen the Rain Room and got our minds blown to particles AEM and I have some errands to run, after which it's PANCAKE DAY!
Since it's Shrove Tuesay it's time for some Pancakes. For the 5th year in a row I'll be making the pancakes. The thing is I don't really like eating them, but gosh, do I love making them.
And then we're going to the cinema to see Django.

And then I'm going to sleep, think some good thoughts and not freak out.
I keep swinging from loving everything and everyone to being so scared and anxious to back to this total sentimental love again. It's much like a rollercoaster, honestly.

But this is where I have to give credit to the girls at home, E., the pretty one, K. for their unfaltering excitement at my return and being so positive. Otherwise I just couldn't go through with this. So I'm just taking a moment to be grateful.
And of course, A. who's like a brother, a sister, a pet, and a grandad all rolled into one.

Here's to shifting yourself.
All my love.
M.

old ones

Here's some photos from when A. was here, middle of Jan.
We had a great snow-day, which consisted of watching Dexter on my bed and eating a big big breakfast. Since I didn't have a breakfast tray I used a baking one instead.
And it was snowing.

And the gray long jumper I'm wearing in the bottom photo (bought from the pretty one) just induces useful-ness. So I'm wearing it today.

Happy Friday.
M.

maria's day out

It's so nice and sunny, and today is all for culture.
See you later!

Have a nice Thursday.
M.

useful

Today is a useful day!
It's so nice and sunny outside and I've decided to make this a useful one.

I think I'm almost a the point where I can book a flight back!!!
Seriously excited about this!
It will give this whole moving project some structure (finally). So let the ball roll!

Today's hyper interesting tasks include stuff like, buy bubblewrap, or buy tape. So all-round riveting projects. And writing more lists is also on the list.

Me and my sunglass chain are gonna head to the ghetto now.

USEFUL.
M.

happy b-day, l!

IT'S L'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Powerhouse bitcheeeeees.

The amount of goodtimes we have had is ridiculous.
For many more to come :)

Palju õnne.
MAUHHHHH.
M.