hair

I want light light ginger hair.
Something a bit, fresher, and more direct.
Rusty orange, or bronze, whatever.
My current shade is too wishy washy.
It simply put pisses me off and does not suit me.

H for Hair.

LOOOVE.
Yours truly.
M.

expressive

Okay, so.

I don't think I particularly struggle with self-expression.
However.
..and this is something I've spoken about before.

Clothes.

Spring is coming.
And I was reading Dani's blog, as I do most days, and she was saying how she's lost her expressiveness via clothes.
And I'm exactly the same.
I find it rather depressing - the idea.
Clothes are amazing!
And should be used to extend Yourself.
Everything, EVERYTHING is an extension of ourselves.

And it's a missed opportunity not to use clothes in the same fashion.


And then there's me moaning endlessly about being bored.
Yes, well WEAR something interesting - and then let's see how you feel.
Maybe it will work, maybe not.
However, it's worth a shot.
Not to look boring.

Okay then.

Yours truly.
M.

http://dani.metromode.se/


Here she supports a distinct lack of clothing, I just love the top left shot.

kaleidoscope eyes

I really, really like losing track of time with someone.

Completely.

I mean, so much.
This track below, Time by Pachanga boys, I mean, if you have 15 minutes of time to give your ears, head, heart and soul something pretty amazing, listen to it.

Losing

track

of

time

Yesterday was amazing.

Kaleidoscope eyes, baby.
M.

engine

A while ago I started this post about feeling like I turned the engine off.
I mean, a long long while.
It's a shame I don't remember the date, I like to place these things in a linear context. (Way in 2012 I think. October, November?)

And let's be honest - I'm still here. I'm still at a place where the engine is still off.
Like, I used to be SO driven it was crazy.
I don't necessarily want to be like that again, but I want some of it back, so so bad.

I'm not even going to try and figure out what happened, or where did it go.
Did i get scared? Whatever.

Truth is, everything we either look forward to, or everything we are afraid of, it all comes from within ourselves. So it's pointless running.
Cause it's based right here, in my pasty-looking pretty little head.

We project and we receive.
Project different and you receive different.

So why don't I want anything?
You see the thing is, it's really really starting to annoy me.
I want to do things, and look forward to things, but something is not clicking to place.
And it's making me sad, cause it's spring and you know. Spring yayy! Should be the time everyone usually gets super excited.

Ramble-y Tuesday lunchtime.
But whatever.
Where there's a question, you'll receive an answer.
I hope.

Turn. 
it.
on.
M.

what you imagine

What kind of a life did I imagine?
What if there was no fear?
What if I had no fear?

I mean, these questions are so interesting, I don't even know where to begin.

Lucky are those who dream a lot.
Because in dreams there are no boundaries and there is no fear.
We grow up with people giving us advice and warnings and cautionary tales and big bad wolves and the rest. So many limits, and so many boundaries.
Things you shouldn't do, words you mustn't say, ideas that won't get you anywhere.
And so on.
And so forth.

"Live the life you have imagined".
This life that sometimes shows itself in the deep deep warm darkness of your dreams. The one you don't ever voice because it's so secret and so precious, that merely talking about it might tarnish the purity of the divine dream.
The things you want, and need, and just thinking about it feels like drinking from the cup of unicorn paradise.
The dreams that sometimes get lost and also get forgotten.

Also.
Think of the word "imagine". Imagine the word "imagine".
It is just so huge, so huge and wonderful.
Imagining, and imagination.

I don't often entertain myself with thoughts like this.
Because I'm "rational", and "reasonable", and "logical", and I "listen to my head".
Whatever, blah, blah, blah.
Point is.
Dreaming is the steam and the fuel.
Fine, let's say you're clever enough to build a frikkin' train.
But if there's no juice in the tank, the train won't run, will it, smarty-pants?

So for all the glorious cleverness - I must dream.
And listen to the dreams I find.

And then, and only then, really truly live the life I have secretly imagined all along.

And be the person I have imagined I want to become.
M.

kawasaki

Audrey Kawasaki.

There's just something really-really very-very in her images.

images. 
M.

town

Yesterday and today was for town.

Yesterday I went central and walked about for a bit. Spent significant time in Waterstone's, the book store, and then in HMV browsing the classical music section. And got an item from each place.
Then I met AEM and we went to see Midnight Tango, which is the second time I've seen this show (in addition to watching it on the DVD which I bought immediately after visit number 1) and it just keeps getting better. We saw this show a year ago, which might as well be 700 years. I remember what I was like, watching that show a year ago, and I'm so much happier now, and things are just going in a good direction. One year. That's all.
Then we made our way back home and had hot chocolate.

Today got the train in and went to Barbican (which is the largest culture centre in Europe and therefore kicks butt, so hard) to meet a dear friend, who I really don't see enough of. We had coffee and good chats. She's one of the people who is just so nice for my soul, can't explain it any other way. Just so so nice in my soul, and for my soul.

2 days of town, and I've got 2 conclusions.
1) London is a glorious, glorious, glorious city of the world. Just glorious.
2) I'm so happy I'm moving and getting a much much much needed change of pace.

So both things are correct, and good in different ways.
I've got a week left to enjoy this marvel of a place and then I get to go Home.

Good thoughts. 
M.

friends

Friends.
Today I'm just really grateful, for having people in my life.
For having people who care about me.
And people who care about how I'm doing.
And what will happen to me.
And people who wish to push me and challenge me, and help me challenge myself.
And help me see myself the way they see me.Which sometimes is so very very important.

So today is for gratitude.
I am grateful for the friends, I am grateful that they care and I'm grateful that I have many more times with these lovely people to look forward to.

Thank you.
M.

boring

I'm currently bored, by myself. As in, "I" am boring "me".
Hahahaa, such a ridiculous statement! But I mean, really. I can't even like, begin to describe. To be honest, you must have quite a good idea since you read this blog. But you know.
I haven't worn anything but my tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie for I don't even remember how long.

Tomorrow is a day off.
I will take one day, and I will refuse to think about moving.
I'm gonna meet H. in town, and we'll do something fun, exciting, and un-boring!

Current total is 8 boxes, and around 75kg.

Later on I think I need a good-long full-works bath, and to just sit, and watch TV or something like that. Keep up with some Kardashians, or watch the new Grey's anatomy. Or do my nails, some beautifying routines anyway. Something to remind me that there's more to life than dusty boxes, and trying to figure out whether I desperately need this one specific thing in my life or not.

I feel like a sock.
No, thanks.M.

morning

Good Sunday morning-ish time, ladies and gentlemen, and all your fabulous pets and whoever!

So today I'm planning to make up on the packing scale for yesterdays fun-day. Not that today won't be a fun-day, I'm sure it will, just home-fun.
A's gone into town to see people, J. is getting ready for lunch with parents, so it's just me with my porridge and Vit C drink, and Classic FM.

London's busy, you know.
There's just a time and place for everything, and a time for someone to enjoy whatever. Bottomline - things vary. Millions and millions of variables in every little thing we do, all the time.
And my time here is done. I'm so glad, again, that I've had the balls to look this fact in the face and act on it. So many people never tire of London, so so many people never tire of the place where they live, but also, so so many people are just too convenient to look the fact in the face that there is another place where they would be much, much happier. What this place is for me is yet unknown. I'm just going to Tallinn to recharge, breathe in, breathe out, anchor for a while, and then figure out where and why I'm going.
All in good time.

For now, I must make a loooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg list of people, and places, and sights, and sounds, and actual things I want to take with me from London.
September 2006, this was a long time ago.

But for now, have a lovely morning, or if you're in a different timezone ahead of me then have a lovely afternoon, or if you're in a timezone behind me, I hope you're still sleeping.

Packing-mania.
M.

(blank sheet)

start

With the new year kick-starting, I seem to just forget to take a moment and breathe.
I won't do New Year's resolutions because they are not my style really - as in, I don't really like them.
So this year I will simply take time.
Take time to be. Cause there's such joy in being! And keep reminding myself. New habits are hard to start, but once we start a habit, the habit carries on and then forms us.
So, I will create a habit of taking time.
Taking time to make time.
I don't wish to live another year so that I get myself into ridiculous over-worked dead-ends. It's just an unpleasant waste of time, counter productive, so I am very much looking forward to saying, "yay! got rid of that".
So therefore, find an hour a day that is not tied to a laptop, or a phone, or a TV-set.
I know I will. Just a little time to switch off.
And I am absolutely dead-certain it will make a huge difference.
I like being busy, but busy and busy are different. Once I'm so busy I would like to slice my eyeballs open - I mean, where's the fun in that. But with a little time for breathing, the busy becomes a nice busy. Like, waves. Being caught in it, buried under it, or riding it. The wave, after-all, is the same.

Ride your wave.
M.

"No"vember

Happy 1st of November, everyone!


I did some drawing today. In honour of having a brand new month, woo!
And I think the drawing does, quite successfully, sum up what I want this month to be(come).

"No"vember.
What are you saying "no" to?
What am I saying "no" to?

I'm a firm believer in saying "yes".
But sometimes it's okay to take a second and realise how great it is to still know when to say "no".
And what to say "no" to.


So.
There's this, and this.

The yoga-a-day challenge is such a good thing to do for actually getting to know some new poses, learning some of the names and just getting into a steady habit of doing yoga.
Not a lot, just a little, but every day.
(Sorry for the appalling yoga-picture below. It was way past midnight when I decided to get involved. Tomorrow's will be better.)

I don't really know why the photo-a-day appeals to me.
I was thinking some time ago (this was actually in a conversation with A.) that for "a creative person" I'm not really creating anything at the moment. And by that I don't mean physical, tangible things. For me it's more a way of looking at things.
And since I have time to do this at the moment - why not.

This photo-a-day just encourages to see, and notice. And look closer. And maybe assess a little differently than before. And to really pinpoint.
I'm hoping this will make autumn more palatable.
(Again, sorry for the photo - I'll get going with both tomorrow.)

And therefore, there's this, and this.

Happy "No"vember.
M.

"beautiful girl"

those who do
and those who don't

all people want to know different things
less and more

"over-thinkers"
"under-thinkers"

f*ck you



"Look after that beautiful girl".
i dont think he even remembers it, or noticed it.
but i noticed it. and it was nice.


The Devil still doesn't play fair.
M.


(took it during the July tour. had some time to kill backstage)

human mind

the human mind fascinates me.
what tips us over, you know
what gets us over the bridge
and how random it is
having said that, i think the genders are hugely different here
either way
it's fa-sci-na-ting.



"why are you so blonde"
"why must you be so blonde"
"why do you have to be so blonde"


and we will never look back at the fading silhouette

Inside the Actors Studio is making my late-night.
M.

midnight show

I know what you want
I'm gonna take you a midnight show tonight
If you can keep a secret
I got a blanket in the back seat of my mind
And a little place that sits beneath the sky
She turned her face to speak
But no-one heard her cry

Drive faster, boy

I know there's a hope
There's too many people trying to help me cope
You got a real short skirt
I want to look up, look up, look up, yeah yeah

We were just in time
Let me take a little more off your mind
There's something in my head
Somewhere in the back said
We were just a good thing
We were such a good thing

Make it go away without a word
But promise me you'll stay
Fix these things I've heard
Oh make it go away!

Drive faster, boy

A crashing tide can't hide a guilty girl
With jealous hearts that start with gloss and curls
I took my baby's breath beneath the chandelier
Of stars in atmosphere
And watch her disappear
Into the midnight show

Oh faster, faster, faster
Oh no no no no no
If you keep a secret
Well baby, I can keep a secret
If you keep a secret

The Killers,
with an absolute bang.M.