flame

Everything for the creative flame.

This is what my attitude should be.

This does not in itself warrant much.

It just means that I need to follow the path of my passion.

Or rather of the many many passions I have in this life.

I often look at these portraits of artists, photos right, and I think, they look so alive in being themselves.

That's the main vessel and weapon and mother and child of any creator.

The Self.

It's the deepest rabbit hole.

The smoothest sea and highest wave.

Not to follow every crumb of this would be idiotic.

Let's not do that, shall we.

Creator, mother, giver, taker, do-er, planner, executor, savior.

Now run.

M.

4 days

What a ridiculous life, let's be honest.

And how much happens in 4 days, quite honestly.

Weird and wonderful at the same time.

So now it's the time for grace and gratitude, and hard work and concentration. And focus.

And creating self-stability.

Within the self and for the self and from the self.

Because balance is the key to all of it and the greater lesson behind the unnoticeable ones we are dealt all the time, every day.

So balance your seas.

I've really not had enough sleep lately, so I decided tomorrow I was just going to take a day to myself.

Sleep in, get my affairs in order, get MYSELF in order, do some laundry, sort a little, and the rest, you know?

No actual things, just the fillers, which are so necessary sometimes.

And I'm looking forward to just waking up to an empty schedule - divine.

Again, I have so much love for you all.

Inexplicable, and quite common lately.

Weird and wonderful again.

The only thought I really want to leave you with, is Accept the Good you are Given.

Yours truly.

Good night, darlings.

M.

Today

Another crazy day.

Good singing things today.

Actually, excellent. 

Excellent singing things.

I've got super loads of lyrics to learn this week but I'm getting started tomorrow so that is all doable.

I've currently got something under 6 hours till my alarm goes off.

But all the excitement from the day is keeping my eyes open like an owl.

Tomorrow morning I'm gonna have some lovely breakfast, somewhere.

Then rehearsal 11am, and a proper home evening.

I really need to learn the switching off business. 

For now, I bid you all a superb night, from  the Spaniards bed.

Love and light.

Yours truly.

M.

water for the thirsty

I had the most amazing conversation yesterday.

I met up with the pretty one, for a catch-up, as we do.
And then we started talking about her work stuff, which doesn't happen very often.
But we somehow got onto the topic and I asked her to tell me stuff.

And there I was, sat next to one of my dearest and closest friends, and had my mind blown to stardust.
The way she was talking about her work things, her ideas, the way she carries them out, her focus, the impeccable focus and dedication.
It was just absolutely incredible.
I don't remember the last time I was that inspired by anyone.

And I just sat there, thinking, "what a Marvel of a Woman".

That clarity of thought absolutely hit me in the face, like a ton of angel bricks or something.

And I mean, we spend so much time together, all the time, and chat so very much.
But somehow we've never had a conversation quite like this.
Just before meeting up yesterday, I had a chat with Pisces-2, saying that I lack focus.
And then this conversation followed.
It's just like I had been looking for water, sitting next to a well.

What a marvellous human being.

And the thing is.
With all the business talk, and the "idea" what a "true" business woman "should" be like, she is genuinely one of the nicest people I know, in the whole world.
Just the kindness and generosity knows no bounds or measure.
As a human, as a friend.

Seriously.
I was so inspired by this conversation.
The focus of thought.
If I would have 10% of the clarity she has, I don't even know where I'd be.

Glorious.
I am so grateful this happened.
So grateful that I have her in my life.
All I need to do now is apply this, grab it by the reigns, and apply this.


I have to be honest with you.
None of what I've written is forwarding just how much the conversation moved me.
In some strange way.
But yes, I'm really not doing it justice.


In addition to this I realised I'm turning 25 next March.
Since I decided to live to a 100 years, this marks the first quarter.
And it's always been a thing for me for some reason.

So.
Focus and clarity.
If it doesn't nourish your soul, get rid of it.
Whatever you can come up with that you want to get to, you can get to.

And keep the people who fan (the f_ck out of) your flame!

Back
on
track

With so much love.
M.

AMAZING

How amazing would it be to be able to do this!

Just the thought.

Mind. blown.
M.

days

Every single day when I don't write anything on this very blog, is a day when I don't focus my thoughts.

So this was 4 days too many.

I really have to write, every day.
It just helps.

So, do it, Maria.
Thanks.

You are the priority.
I am the priority.

Write.
M.

packing mess

I
will
run
tomorrow

I need to clear my head.
It feels a little like, all the stuff I'm throwing out I'm throwing into my brain. I need some clarity, air and focus so tomorrow I'm taking a physical break from all this stuff-based nonsense.
I still need to go to Nike World and get some babies for myself, so tomorrow I'm just gonna borrow J's trainers (woooo yay!!). They are pink. Bonus.

Also, I didn't have enough food in the house today, and I can really feel the lack of snacks today - I'm hungry. But having said this, I really like that I don't concentrate on "eating too much" at all, but rather making sure that I stay clear of "eating too little". Yay.

So.
List for tomorrow.
Wake-up.
Breakfast.
Go hunt for boxes. Seriously. A serious hunt.
Then try on lots of clothes, all clothes, every item, of clothing, ever, and shoes.
And then sort them into Yes-No-Maybe piles, and then Yes-No.
Sorting, packing day.
Tomorrow is time to work a little harder.

For now, it's Dancing on Ice, which I love to literal madness.
And some Lindt dark chocolate with almonds and orange bits.
And then I'll make some tea, and watch some Bond.
And a photo of AEM's snack, and one of my packing mess.

AJ says "hi".

Skate-skate-skate.
M.

post-singing idyll

Children will be children.
Concrete grey.


My writings back in the day, before The Big Move, were so angry. Quick-tempered. Maybe I've lost my balls of writing.
Or maybe I've just calmed down. Or maybe I've just learnt how to calm down.

I did something good today. Something good for myself, and something I should be proud of.
So this is my moment of Congratulations-Maria-well-done.

"USALDA END JUHUSELE JA VAATA, MIS SAAB"
Trust youself to chance, and see what happens.

In retrospective it is kind of funny how scared I was of going away. I read it on paper, but I can't remember the feeling. I remember the night 23 days and 6 years ago when for the first time I packed my big red suitcase that has now become one of the 5 constants in my life. I remember the night, I remember my cat, my dad with some Coronas and lime (well done, Father) and I remember some numb panic. But the run-up - it's just gone.
Trust yourself to chance.

I'm kind of sorry I deleted my really melancholic blog, pre-dating the 2005 one.
I'd like to read it like now. A diary of sorts of how it has all been, and how it has gone.

Drum and bass gave it clarity. A very singular meaning and a razorsharp focus. Which was really lacking. Just non-existent.
M. is for Mayhem.