I = my life

Let's cut to the chase.

We all consist of parts.

The entity, the individual, we are made up of ingredients.

I seem to frequently F*CKING forget mine.

And this makes me angry.

If you couldn't tell.

My task at hand is this.

Live the life I want.

Simple.

I'm tired of this mindless procrastinating only to find it makes things worse. Of course.

Why not just live the life I truly want.

The only difference between not doing and doing is,.. well....DOING.

That's all.

I'm tired of disliking my life.

I'm tired of disliking.

The inner the outer the flow and speed and action and reaction real and imaginary.

So this is me giving up and giving in, in a way.

Give up, already.

Stop fighting.

And all that then remains is the life I want.

So that I will feel fulfilled and proud and IN MOTION.

Stagnation is death to creativity and creativity is my core.

Do the math.

Books and air and motion and power and heart and passion and juices.

Give.

Up.

Imagine a life I want.

Someone said, "worrying is using your imagination to create things you don't want".

HOW correct is that.

Why ever imagine a future other than exactly the one you want.

Truth is.

I've never known how to do this.

Maybe I did at some point.

But I'm turning 25 in 2 weeks and this is getting ridiculous.

Pure and simple.

Make up my own reality.

Make up my own reality.

Feel like I want to feel.

For realz.

This force could be my greatest drive and engine.

If left undealt with, works like corrosive acid.

I'm free when I can run fast and run far.

Run fast.

And run far.

25.

This feels like a breaking or shifting point.

Finally.

Breaking open.

{I need to buy a kaleidoscope}

Fear is there for me to stare it in its FACE.

With love.

M.

flame

Everything for the creative flame.

This is what my attitude should be.

This does not in itself warrant much.

It just means that I need to follow the path of my passion.

Or rather of the many many passions I have in this life.

I often look at these portraits of artists, photos right, and I think, they look so alive in being themselves.

That's the main vessel and weapon and mother and child of any creator.

The Self.

It's the deepest rabbit hole.

The smoothest sea and highest wave.

Not to follow every crumb of this would be idiotic.

Let's not do that, shall we.

Creator, mother, giver, taker, do-er, planner, executor, savior.

Now run.

M.

aujourd'hui

Today will consist of or has consisted of:
7AM wake-up
Writing a to-do list
Going to the library/getting music
Radio interview
Rehearsal
Figuring out what I'm singing
TV-people filming at the scaff? (actually scaffolding in the church)
Drawing a plan of who is standing where on the scaff/sending it to the sound designer


Actually, now that I've written it out like this, it doesn't sound that bad!
Woo! This was a good shout!

Peace.
M.

Let's bitch on this day.
PS, that's still a lollipop.

today

Today is Wednesday.

Today I was sat at my computer in my home office (ha) writing work emails for 7 hours.
Not a joke.
Not a joke.
Also, in my PJs because I woke up and decided I had so much to do that getting changed would be a waste of time.
However, this means I got a whole big bunch of stuff done.

And now I'm going to town, to listen to some poetry by one of the guys who's singing at my Scaffolding gig.
And then the Spanish one and I will have our socks blown off by Samsara. (Google dat.)

Peace out, far and wide.
M.

PS: That's a lollipop. No joke.



PPS: We did a pretty excellent multi-media sex scene to this once. And it's also a SICK tune.

pet of the year

Enjoy.
M.

don't i know it

His voice.

End up where you really belong.
M.

this wolf thing

It has really stuck, you know.

And I quite like it.
Using a chosen totem animal, of sorts.
It's kinda weird that the idea of the wolf and I met. I never in a gazillion years would've chosen a wolf, or thought of a wolf.
But now the energy and the resilience it carries really seems to fit like a glove.
So I'm not saying that I'm now going to become a pack animal or a hermit or a whatever, it's just, it's nice to have a symbol. I like tattoos that are symbols, I like finding meaning and significance in things, so having an animal that for me symbolises something about myself is really great.

And again. There are charts with rough birth dates and Native American totem animals.
BUT. You can choose your own.
If there's an animal you have a very strong connection with (stronger than, "yeah, I like kittens") or the opposite - an animal you are afraid of - then there's probably something there.
And this is not about finding the space you fit into, but rather finding an animal that for some reason you share a similar energy with.

And I really like it.

Hooray for wolves.
M.

daily reminder

Just a little daily reminder.
Especially now that spring is coming, and the air is so different and fresh and new.

It's so tempting to run with the spring madness, which of course I plan to do, but sometimes it's nicer to stop and breathe.

Happy Saturday!

Always.
M.

run

wolf

The wolf has truly become my animal.
And a symbol.

I'll write more about this soon.

i
am
wolf

Nordic Grey. 
M.

wild

Spring's coming, so it's time to run, really fast, and far and wide, and free.

Seriously.
Time to run wild.

Open up.
M.

becks

It's just, I could watch him run, just watch him run, topless, all day, every day.


And as an effect of those ads I want to wear his "bodywear". It's for men, whatever. Don't care.

Thanks, H&M.
Thanks, Guy Ritchie.
And most of all, thank you, Becks.

Yes.
M.

they arrived!!

So after UPS decided to be ridiculous and drop my package off at the wrong house (32, instead of 62) and have it signed by someone called "Fernandes" (I mean, who is Fernandes?), I'VE GOT MY TRAINERS!

The saga is finished, and I'm so relieved/happy!

Meet my new Lunarglides.
(What a ridiculous/superhero name.)
(I know I sound sad, yes, well, you know. Fine.)

Run, run, rabbit, run.
M.

packing mess

I
will
run
tomorrow

I need to clear my head.
It feels a little like, all the stuff I'm throwing out I'm throwing into my brain. I need some clarity, air and focus so tomorrow I'm taking a physical break from all this stuff-based nonsense.
I still need to go to Nike World and get some babies for myself, so tomorrow I'm just gonna borrow J's trainers (woooo yay!!). They are pink. Bonus.

Also, I didn't have enough food in the house today, and I can really feel the lack of snacks today - I'm hungry. But having said this, I really like that I don't concentrate on "eating too much" at all, but rather making sure that I stay clear of "eating too little". Yay.

So.
List for tomorrow.
Wake-up.
Breakfast.
Go hunt for boxes. Seriously. A serious hunt.
Then try on lots of clothes, all clothes, every item, of clothing, ever, and shoes.
And then sort them into Yes-No-Maybe piles, and then Yes-No.
Sorting, packing day.
Tomorrow is time to work a little harder.

For now, it's Dancing on Ice, which I love to literal madness.
And some Lindt dark chocolate with almonds and orange bits.
And then I'll make some tea, and watch some Bond.
And a photo of AEM's snack, and one of my packing mess.

AJ says "hi".

Skate-skate-skate.
M.

morning

Good Sunday morning-ish time, ladies and gentlemen, and all your fabulous pets and whoever!

So today I'm planning to make up on the packing scale for yesterdays fun-day. Not that today won't be a fun-day, I'm sure it will, just home-fun.
A's gone into town to see people, J. is getting ready for lunch with parents, so it's just me with my porridge and Vit C drink, and Classic FM.

London's busy, you know.
There's just a time and place for everything, and a time for someone to enjoy whatever. Bottomline - things vary. Millions and millions of variables in every little thing we do, all the time.
And my time here is done. I'm so glad, again, that I've had the balls to look this fact in the face and act on it. So many people never tire of London, so so many people never tire of the place where they live, but also, so so many people are just too convenient to look the fact in the face that there is another place where they would be much, much happier. What this place is for me is yet unknown. I'm just going to Tallinn to recharge, breathe in, breathe out, anchor for a while, and then figure out where and why I'm going.
All in good time.

For now, I must make a loooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg list of people, and places, and sights, and sounds, and actual things I want to take with me from London.
September 2006, this was a long time ago.

But for now, have a lovely morning, or if you're in a different timezone ahead of me then have a lovely afternoon, or if you're in a timezone behind me, I hope you're still sleeping.

Packing-mania.
M.

(blank sheet)

friday

..was a great day.

(Even though sometimes I question my own behaviour. But apparently it was banter. So all is well.)
Young hearts run free.
M.

(And it's not a head-band. A. thought it was, so just in case, you know.)