la natura

“Above all, be at ease, be as natural and spacious as possible. Slip quietly out of the noose of your habitual anxious self, release all grasping, and relax into your true nature.”

—	Songyal Rinponche

I was thinking about this yesterday.

What is this thing that humans do.
Something is unbalancing all of this.

And then I realised that the one thing that lacks in Nature is comparison.

Lion A most definitely does not look at Lion B, and think: "...he's mane looks so good...I wish my mane looked that amazing..."
Or "...her legs are much longer than mine. I wish my legs were as long." ..and then carry on thinking about this and turn this into a prohibiting complex that will hold said lion back in its life.
Y'know?

What is that even about.

A tree will grow as it grows, according to its own call and urge, in accordance with the light and water and air it gets.
Grow and grow and grow.

We are all a part of La Natura. And I'm am so tired of being so nasty to myself.

“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.”

—	from Zen Shin Talks

Everything feels too heavy.


I will buy a kaleidoscope tomorrow.





I know Light is where I need to be and grow, but I feel so unsure, that I just stay here in the dark.

I'm coming through the fire.

eyes

I truly wanna squint into the sun.
Eyes almost shut, and so much light coming in.
Light and warmth.

I wanna squint into the sun.

Sense.
M.

theatre

jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus


I want to have my hands and forearms elbow-deep in theatre.

Elbow
Deep

pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.
M.

singing

So.
I use this blog as my personal wall space.
If I could actually use the 4 walls in my room, and write on those, I would. But that would be a bit annoying afterwards.
So I use this as my personal space where I blurt out whatever needs blurting out.
And this has helped me a lot, in terms of getting clarity and staying on top.

So now I thought, if I've managed to help myself through this blog, why not see whether I could do the same in terms of singing. This won't mean loads of technical boring stuff. But rather more of the same, but with a singing angle.
Singing for me is the most psychologically charged subject matter. I think it's partly because I started singing so young and kind of grew up judging myself. So now, whenever I sing I can just feel that voice in the back of my head start to criticise again. Criticism is good. But not when all you do is just bash yourself in the face with it.

Cause I do worry a little, about my singing stuff. The line between working on actual issues but then just steering away from hard work is so thin I think. But I might apply my workout logic with this: "If it's hard, to more of it."

I'll see how this goes, or doesn't.M.
My absolute favourite 'work' photo of me, ever. Ever.
And the second one is a bunch of flowers that this old man gave me after one of my summer concerts. These simple simple flowers were just so sincere and therefore, a photo of them.

robert lepage

Sometimes I just forget how brilliant some people are.
Like Robert Lepage. He must be "Maria's Inspirational Man no.100".
He's a theatre director/writer, actor, film director, installation artist and just an absolute genius. And I don't use this term very often.

He's from Quebec and was born in 1957. At the age of 5, he was diagnosed with alopecia, a rare disease which caused all his hair to fall off. As a teenager he struggled with depression, and then turned to drama classes to climb out of his protective, somewhat tortured shell.
And then from the age 25 onwards he has just been writing and putting on the most amazing theatre.

There are 3 reasons why I love him and his work to such a ridiculous extent.

Number 1. He is the most exquisite story-teller and I respect this a lot. I think that societies have always been built on the skills of storytelling, from bringing up your kids, to deciding where to build the next village, down to politicians - I mean, it is all storytelling, all of it. And Lepage is so creative and so so imaginative with his storytelling.
Number 2. The way he uses visual stuff (whether it's costume, objects, installations, or other multimedia, and music too actually) is just phenomenal. He just manages to tap into something, to see the core of the story, and then tie it together with something else, so seamless. He believes that theatre was born when the early early humans realised they can manipulate their own shadows and therefore create something "larger than life".
Number 3. He lost all his hair when he was 5. Now then. Let's think about this for one second. All of his hair. Eyebrows, eyelashes. You lose all the hair on your body. Also, having pubic hair is SUCH a rite of passage for boys when growing up. So, he had no hair, at all. And as opposed to let this other-ness consume him he channeled it, to become an absolute visionary theatre-maker. Hats off. Absolutely hats off.

And so, I forget sometimes, how much I truly love his work and what he stands for as a person.
One of his shows, "Playing Cards 1: SPADES", is coming to London in a week or so. And I really want to go see it. I want to go and witness him and his company bring together parts of the world, the current and the forgotten, the lost and the found, the painful and the beautiful, add some absolutely incredible music, and I want to see this. I want to see this and feel this and go, yes, thanks, Robert, for making theatre.

Lepage.
M.

trblnt

okay.
So.
what is this, and what is that? (what a brilliant question to ask around 4am)

Here's to the turbulent nights.

E. gave me a plan though, and I greatly appreciate this, since this is not something that happens often, with me.
It goes something like this:

Bath
bubbles
wine
a pretty glass
yoga-mat
candles.

I think I might follow through, you know.
But a bit later on.
Today is a day for blogging.

If there is truth in anything, there is truth in this tiny velvet rhino.

Here's to rhinos.
M.

for K.

I'm just over the moon with my photoshop/photoedit/photodesign skills.
They are just through the roof.

But tru emotion wins dem all.
M.