bodies

As summer is basically here for all intensive purposes, I have found myself thinking more and more about bodies.

It's always a topic - bikini bodies, summer bodies. 

For me personally the idea of faffing around in a bikini is not a problem, I don't cry about it.

However having said this, the approach of summer does make me think about the shape I'm in and how exactly I feel about this.

And then just now, I was on the bus, and I realized that I was telling myself that I shouldn't get into this summer shape excitement.

But why not though!

For starters, I'm lazy.

So therefore this is not brought about by a gnawing discontent with my softer parts, rather I just find myself faced with the realization that I do - for the most part of the year - neglect my body.

And the rebirth of the bikini summer time just makes me feel as if I'm meeting an old friend again, or as if all of a sudden I realized I've kept my pet locked in the basement. Which I wouldn't do.

So why does this body neglect happen.

I always get this omg summer is coming now let's get fit panic, and I think it can very easily come across as a response to the pressure from society to look as a stick, or whatever.

Truth is, this just comes - for me - from quite a positive place. Not go mental and shrink down on a leaf diet to fit into size Child swimwear, BUT it comes from a place of goddamnit sorry thighs that you haven't run or danced in so long, sorry arms that you haven't punched anything, sorry back that you haven't been bent. And sorry insides that I don't fuel you better.

I don't know if any women who get this summer approach panic excitement thing are with me on this one, but I just thought I'd share,y'know. 

It's not about punishing my fat layer because the sun is out. (Whatt.)

It's about letting my muscles run and jump, because the sun is out.

To an onlooking stranger both can seem the same I think. The reality is vastly different.

To me it's a reminder that I have this miraculous tool, my body, and a reminder of how much I DO like it.

(Even if the last time I really worked out was in October........)

(.....)

And I wanna do more!

SO.

Go crazy for your body beautiful, because it's amazing, because it's summer, because you have all the fresh things to eat.

Use the summer beach excitement to bounce about and whatever tinkles your nipples. do it.
Do whatever makes you feel great and celebrate.

This is actually going to be my solid spring-summer theme - celebrating.



Yours truly.
As always.
M.

roads

So. 

This post is actually more about foundations than roads.

But I prefer it as the title.

So.

Foundations.

I was just thinking.

About preconceived ideas, about right and wrong, and all the shoulds and shouldnts.

And how terribly terribly hideous it is, to even think of building your foundations upon someone else's.

That would work like quicksand.

It comes to a point, or there should be a moment of realization, when a person understands that it's either themselves or nothing.

What I mean is - unless you get Yourself working, unless you commit and dedicate yourself to yourself, and face yourself as what you are, "nothing" follows.

What I mean by "nothing" is the void.

The convenient void in which so many people live their lives.

I'm not patronizing, or implying that I'm free of this, because I'm so not. 

But lately I've just really understood how take-no-prisoners it is - it really is yourself (balls to the wall fearlessness) or nothing (the numb void of structures created by someone other than yourself).

In between the two there's a million variables but in terms of attitude it honestly is This or That.

You can't be a tiny bit brave or somewhat partial to the mundane social constructs.

You either are or are not. 

Pick one. 

And then let it roll according to that.

I know what I'll decide, which I'll pick.

But I just have to do it.

Really do it.

And commit to myself tooth, claw and nail.

And not let it slip away into what someone else thinks or expects or wants.

Because that simply does not bring happiness.

And why waste this life we have. 

In other news, I'm going home today, from STHLM.

If I'm honest I'm not ready.

Or maybe I am. 

I don't really know.

It's rather - it's been super being here, to calm down.

But now I'd like to stay here for some more time and refocus my thoughts.

But hey.

It is what it is.

Home awaits.

And everything it holds.

Yours truly.

M.

endless

This is one of my favourite quotes, potentially ever.
Ever.

“So therefore I dedicate myself to myself, to my art, my sleep, my dreams, my labors, my suffrances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger - because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being.”
- Jack Kerouac


Just this, in all of its honesty.
The hot and cold of this quote is just staggering.
And the thing is, we all have this. This endless absorption and hunger, for life, for new things, for seeing and seeking our personal truth.
Being like a hungry, hungry sponge.
We all have this.
And it should be able to run free.
This personal hungry sponge.
Free and wild.

Happy sponge, guys.

Yours truly.
M.

smultronställe

Swedish.
i like that shit.

Means "the wild strawberry patch", but idiomatically means an underrated gem of a place, often with personal or sentimental value.


Smultronställe.
M.

personal

What a beautiful envelope.

Happy Tuesday. 
M.

singing

So.
I use this blog as my personal wall space.
If I could actually use the 4 walls in my room, and write on those, I would. But that would be a bit annoying afterwards.
So I use this as my personal space where I blurt out whatever needs blurting out.
And this has helped me a lot, in terms of getting clarity and staying on top.

So now I thought, if I've managed to help myself through this blog, why not see whether I could do the same in terms of singing. This won't mean loads of technical boring stuff. But rather more of the same, but with a singing angle.
Singing for me is the most psychologically charged subject matter. I think it's partly because I started singing so young and kind of grew up judging myself. So now, whenever I sing I can just feel that voice in the back of my head start to criticise again. Criticism is good. But not when all you do is just bash yourself in the face with it.

Cause I do worry a little, about my singing stuff. The line between working on actual issues but then just steering away from hard work is so thin I think. But I might apply my workout logic with this: "If it's hard, to more of it."

I'll see how this goes, or doesn't.M.
My absolute favourite 'work' photo of me, ever. Ever.
And the second one is a bunch of flowers that this old man gave me after one of my summer concerts. These simple simple flowers were just so sincere and therefore, a photo of them.

hard as nails

I mean, like, seriously.
Endurance.
Endurance.
Just insane, I mean, what she can do with a skipping rope.
I've started trying, slowly, so I wouldn't actually murder my shins.
Also, how great would it be to have a personal trainer, with. an. eyepatch.

Awesome.
M.

enough

i've been chewing, and chewing, and chewing AGAIN this personal statement. again, and again.

so, i've decided to go from an A4 to 5 sentences.

I live for opera theatre.
I have a career spanning over 15 years.
I'm talented, hardworking and I look good on stage.
I think your course and myself would have the most fruitful time together.

With love,
you-may-call-me La Listra


THOUGHTS?
4am banter.
M.



i want to finish this thing.