fasting

For starters, can I just say this fasting process is amazing, and HARD.

I've been thinking of posting something the entire time I've been here but I don't even know where to start.

Or how to start.

Today is day4 so tomorrow is the last one and then we leave.

I feel like I came here a lifetime ago. Time completely loses meaning when you don't measure it like we're used to.

No meal times, no duty times, no meetings.

You just Are.

I've realized how much I use food to claim control over something, life I guess.

When something doesn't go right, I eat - something that I Want.

When I feel this or that or the other, I eat - again, something that I Want.

And this is an endless cycle of utterly fake self-gratification.

It leads to nowhere.

Just your system ending up carrying so many toxins which it most certainly does not need.

Same with drinking, smoking.

Unnecessary pollution if we're honest.

So now I'm here, sat on my bed.

Last time I ate was Tuesday night. (Which by the way sounds ridiculous, to me!! And even more ridiculous is the fact that my body is 100% fine!!!)

My mind feels alert, it is easier to breathe and feel and connect.

I've walked in the woods and the fields behind this farm house where we are staying. I've read books, many of them, I've meditated and I've danced, and I've felt easy.

And then - this feeling comes back - the anxiety of life, what about this, what about that, what about these expectations and those rules or deadlines et cetera et cetera et cetera...... The list is endless.

But I really do not want this.

I want to live a life where the process is the true joy. 

I listened to some music yesterday and danced a little (not too much because I would not have the energy - downside of fasting) and it was so amazing, just to be able to do that.

I've definitely found some peace, which was so desperately necessary and there is space now - space for new life, in my insides, my brain cells, my thoughts.

Having had Pisces here is such a help. This is not something I would want to do on my own right now. Maybe at some point in this life, but not now.

So - I've drank probably twice my body weight in fresh birch and maple tree "juice". I've released some fear. I've slept a lot. I've emptied my insides (not the nicest part of fasting). I've had two massages. I've sat in the sauna every night. And I've definitely spent two lifetimes of just enjoying the moments. The weather has been a godsend and spring is in full gear.

Just to say - if I would have come here to diet or lose weight or whatever, this would be hell on earth, truly, no jokes.

The only way and I mean the only way to fast is when you feel a meaning - you find something you want to resolve and release or purify or cleanse, something that has hurt you or confused you or made you feel lost or down or anything! The list goes on but you get the point.

Because your body will be a little off-track at times, and then you say "I'm cleansing you", "I'm purifying you", "I'm releasing anger from my mind", "I'm making new space".

And it works, you carry on and the process keeps developing.

I love you all, as ever.

I don't want to stay in the dark, guys, I really don't. 

I don't want to fear some random bulls*t and I want to feel Light and free.

So that's me, almost post-fasting.

This is about endurance, doing what's good for me, and not always peeking at the easy way out - with this kind of work, there are no shortcuts.

God it's hard, and god it's good.

Yours truly.

Love, always.

M.

Game of Thrones

I am so in love with Game of Thrones.

Seriously.
My warrior soul is screeching.

Game.
M.

artwork

The thing is.
I've completely gone off track with the eating and nutrition and moving and working out, moving, whatever.
I miss feeling that active, and light, and responsive.
These past few months have just been a pause.

However, after "pause" you can absolutely press "play" again.

I think it's time I start taking my body for granted quite this much and consider it something much more special.
Strength, endurance and flexibility.

Artwork.
M.

wolf

The wolf has truly become my animal.
And a symbol.

I'll write more about this soon.

i
am
wolf

Nordic Grey. 
M.

fitness

New goals!

If fitness stuff really really bores you, then this post will really really bore you.

So.
I've been on my fitness train since the 22nd of October. That's 3 months. That's all!? (Sorry, I have just realised that it is like nothing. 3 months, that is it. Moving on.)
My end goal is and was to get stronger, a lot stronger.
Physically and through that mentally.
3 months down the line and I've realised I need to start doing more weight training.

Now then, ladies. 
If you're anything like me you are inclined to believe that lifting any weights (heavier than like a banana or something) will make you bulky.
I have done a whole lot of reading about this.
For you to get "bulky" you would have to lift INSANE amounts of weights and eat more protein than you weigh yourself. The women who do dedicate their lives to bodybuilding spend crazy crazy amounts of work on this, so a session or two a week of lifting some weights is not going to bulk you up.
This should go hand in hand with a healthy, well-balanced diet (which includes carbs, protein, fats), and cardio (preferably high intensity interval training HIIT, rather than low-intensity. Having said this, it depends why you're working out/what you're training for).

This is what I have been doing for 3 months. I've done a lot of cardio (high and low intensity) and hardly any strength training at all. I eat well and often (3 meals, and like 3 big snacks).
Okay, I have lost weight - but do I feel stronger? Not really.
So therefore, my new fitness goal is to get over this silly myth than women immediately bulk up when they touch weights and start lifting.
If you just do cardio till you're purple in the face, all you're doing is losing the excess fat, however, you're not really toning and changing your shape. Weights are so good for this.
So, because I want to tone up and feel significantly stronger in my body, I am going to lift weights.
(And see how it goes.)

Also. I'm so fed up of this "what's your number on the scale" chat. I mean, what does it even matter? Unless you're very over- or underweight when the number is directly a matter of staying alive or not, it doesn't really matter.
So I've decided to start measuring my successes in like, reps and weights, and distance etc.
And since I can't do push-ups to save my life, this is going to be my new goal.

So, two brand new goals, for the next 3 months.
Weights and push-ups.

Do your research, guys.
This doesn't mean go psycho and get ripped. It means, if you're working out, and want to see any results at all, do your research. Simple as that. There's a lot of stuff going around that's just not true. Many "facts" that are passed around as truth but are really far from it.
And absolutely have lots of fun!
Because we can all do so much more than we think we can.

PS. I do not claim to have any special knowledge, or to have been educated in these questions. I am simply reciting what I've heard from other people who work in fitness, or my friends, and from personal experience. And from the reading I've done. And I absolutely do not claim to be right.

Strong is the new "skinny".
M.

And to finish this off, some mermaids, and a happy seal.

hard as nails

I mean, like, seriously.
Endurance.
Endurance.
Just insane, I mean, what she can do with a skipping rope.
I've started trying, slowly, so I wouldn't actually murder my shins.
Also, how great would it be to have a personal trainer, with. an. eyepatch.

Awesome.
M.