artwork

The thing is.
I've completely gone off track with the eating and nutrition and moving and working out, moving, whatever.
I miss feeling that active, and light, and responsive.
These past few months have just been a pause.

However, after "pause" you can absolutely press "play" again.

I think it's time I start taking my body for granted quite this much and consider it something much more special.
Strength, endurance and flexibility.

Artwork.
M.

pianos

I was a good pianist once upon a time.
I finished my actual piano lessons when I was 16, and then after I moved to London I stopped playing.
Even though I could have used the music school pianos at Chigwell.
Stupid.

But, anyway, bottomline, I miss it so much.
We have a piano at home, but an electric one. Which makes me sad.
It's a good piano, but it has no soul.
So I don't want to play it.

However, I realised something, some time ago.
That during the tours I have access to so so so many grand pianos, at different venues.
So my plan is to use the piano at home to get myself back into playing, and prepare some pieces, so when I have time before the tour concerts I can whack my music out and just binge hardcore on grand pianos.

This excites me so much, but in a very, profoundly blissful way, honestly.
I used to iron out all sorts of emotions and problems with playing and practising.
I still have our old piano, it's in my room, but it's not really in working condition because it doesn't stay in tune. It was my grandfather Viktor Friedrich's piano. (That name doesn't sound too Estonian, does it?) And it carries so much sentimental value.
It's my piano, you know?

Play.
M.

bread exchange

and the Wonderful, Wonderful Malin.
http://thebreadexchange.com/

This is another one of my blog recommendations.

Malin is this Swedish young woman, currently living somewhere in Germany. And basically, she started this project called the Bread Exchange.
She started making bread just for banter at home, but as she was trying out so many new things and experimenting a lot she had loads of left-over bread, which she started giving to her friends. Her friends in return would give her...little things, whatevers, homemade jam, or write a poem, or offer to fix her bike.
In short, this grew into a network of people involved in the Bread Exchange.

It is so simple.
Malin makes bread. Posts where she will be (she travels a lot with her job) and then people can set up a meeting with her.
Malin will bring bread.
In return, you can make her or give her anything at all, whatever you want.
Everything, except money.

Her blog is a wonderful wonderful mix of her journey and the journey of Bread Exchange, with awesome photos from her travels.
And Malin herself comes across simply as a truly wonderful being.

"Everything is not for sale."
M.

Photo from the bread exchange blog.

advice

Okay, so, here's some advice that I will try and stick to till I die. Literally, die. End of my life.

Don't lose your balls. 

(I sincerely hope you understand that by "balls" I mean, character.)


No one is worth it.
No one.
Ever.
At times in our colourful lives we might think that some seemingly more wonderful individuals are worth us losing our balls and/or our spines, but truth is, they are not.
Like, really.
No, honestly. They are not.
Okay, you will for the time being misplace your balls, and pretend to be something else for someone else, but once you find your spine again, then what?

Cause the truth is, if someone won't like you, love you, respect you, or even give you their time with your balls attached, they won't like you later on once you reveal them. (I mean, "SURPRISE! I'm actually a very different kind of person." Really?)

So it is truly truly easier for everyone involved if me and you walk through life the way we are, balls, spines and all, using the language we like, being as gutsy as we like, head high and proud.
Because we can only hide and pretend for so long.

I'm not just talking theoretically, I've done this too many times. With previous relationships, and meeting random people, or just subtle changes to impress someone.
It's much better than it used to be, but still I will occasionally find myself literally, literally pretending to be like something else. Or like, acting like just, NOT ME. And I catch myself doing it and think - hang on, what in the name of sweet baby Jesus was that? This is not you. This is not your character. This is you shoving yourself into a tiny tiny box that you yourself have labelled "What I think other people want".
But here's a news flash - and this is very important - people will be interested in you. 
This is the scariest and the truest lesson.
(There isn't one universal Miss SuperFantastic out there that every one just faints at in trouser-dropping enthusiasm. People like different things. People differ. It's simple.)
And once we have the confidence to have faith in this one thing we will find the right people, who want to know us better, and let the wrong ones go and let them meet the people they want to meet.

Because if we don't value what we are, nobody on this sweet-ass planet ever will.

Hooray for the raw guts and character.
With love.
M.

stories

Tell stories.
M.