right now

This is what I want.

And this is all if I'm honest.
All the work and projects and ideas, nope.
I want to be topless, somewhere in Italy, drinking wine on a balcony.
Or by a pool.
Or whatever.
That's what I want.
I want some Italian man with a love of opera to call me "bellissima" and that's it.
That is all.

Thanks, byyye!

Yours truly.
With love.
M.

you

Dear Cutie-Pie,

Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”

It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.

And I got angry.

Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”

Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)

If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.

Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting:

I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.

I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.

I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.

I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.

I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.

I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.

I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.

In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:

You.

Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you.

Your eternally interested guy,

Daddy

———

This post is, of course, dedicated to my daughter, my Cutie-Pie. But I also want to dedicate it beyond her.

I wrote it for my wife, who has courageously held on to her sense of worth and has always held me accountable to being that kind of “boy.”

I wrote it for every grown woman I have met inside and outside of my therapy office—the women who have never known this voice of a Daddy.

And I wrote it for the generation of boys-becoming-men who need to be reminded of what is really important—my little girl finding a loving, lifelong companion is dependent upon at least one of you figuring this out. I’m praying for you.




***
This is from a website, http://drkellyflanagan.com/


Thanks, dr. Kelly Flanagan.
Good man.


Love, always.
M.

gay

I'm currently watching a documentary called "Out There".
It's a BBC doc by Stephen Fry.
It's a doc about homosexuality, or rather the stupidity it encounters and meets all around the world.
The stupidity and brutality and violence and just, no.
But I won't pause on this now.

Still, here's a link to part 2.
Do watch it, it's worth it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tc19KxerK7U

There was this guy who used to be in a boy band, was told to suppress being "too gay" by the manager, and then it kind of stuck with him, for decades.
This habit of hiding, or pretending.
"Fake" as he called it.
A duplicate of himself.
A cheap copy.
Now he is an actor making his way in Hollywood and still is struggling so so much with being free, being himself and being honest.
Just the very way he is.

Well, anyway, this isn't a post about homosexuality, but this is a post about freedom.
Personal freedom.

This we must value most, personal freedom.
And all we can do is respect others, do no harm.
To get rid of this blind violence.

We can only do our part.
Hear others, really hear them out.
Try to understand.
The only force to reverse any of this is love and love and more love.

There is so much pain in the world, so much anger and so much blindness.

Seriously.
Just watch this documentary.

It's just about freedom, and love, and understanding.
And compassion.

We can never run out of compassion, it costs nothing, at all.
It requires no age, no sex, no religion, or geographic placement.
Compassion and kindness - it just is.

I just watched a bit of the documentary, where a Brazilian mothers recounts the death of his 15-year-old son.
Tortured and murdered by a bunch of guys who abducted him.
Just because he "looked gay".
Such hatred shocks me to such an extent.

The freedom to love, whom we love, how we love.

Yours truly.
M.

end of the comfort zone

30.12.2013

Penultimate day of the year has just drawn to a close.

We were walking with the Spanish one earlier. We had finished eating some pasta with the pretty one, and I decided to get some nail polish base coat. And off we went.

And so we got to this crossing right in the centre of town, across the street from the main concert hall, Estonia.

Long story short, I nearly fainted I think, or had some form of heart failure moment, because our tour poster aka my face, was on the wall of the concert hall.

Here's a fact about my life.

I have dreamt of the day when I am up there for as long as I can remember. 

Honestly.

And I really think some base soul level something took place looking at it.

I thought I had some time till I got to that?

I don't know, it was just so out of the blue.

Some sort of homecoming, a completion again, to wrap up 2013.

Ridiculous joy, like unhingedly euphoric.

It was strange, to try and say the least.

So now I'm in the Spaniards bed, because this is not a night to sleep on my own.

I need security tonight and she is after all my soul-mum, or some sh*t like that.

What happens at the end of our comfort zone.

Something very peculiar.

Comfort, so called "comfort", becomes very very uncomfortable.

This crazy itch, to do something, the discontent with the Self.

Literally, ants in your pants, wanting "something".

Usually the remedy is to go out, get way too drunk for any human need and party h-a-r-d.

But it won't fix anything.

The only thing to fix any of this is Action.

The remedy is Doing.

Doing what is right for you, for your Soul-Self.

So take action.

And I need to take action.

The thing is.

Healing doesn't happen over night. 

It takes time, it's a decision you make every day.

A choice to let yourself be happy.

So choose right, choose kind, and choose honest.

As always, yours truly.

M.

songs

Whatever doors I have in my heart and soul, this song opens them, steps in and has a slow dance.
All by itself.
In the moonlight.
Enjoying and sensing the movement.
Surrendering to hope, and the faith, and the love.

Surrendering to its own rhythm and time.
And making love through seeing love, above and below.

Why is surrendering so hard?

This song belongs at a wedding, with candles in jars, and people who care.
And all the I-can't-even.

Yours truly.
M, and Neil Young.

Game of Thrones

I am so in love with Game of Thrones.

Seriously.
My warrior soul is screeching.

Game.
M.

move

The pretty one said, something along the lines of, this is what our bodies really want to do when we meet that someone special.
This video is just beautiful.
And Sigur Ros melts my soul.
Every time.

Enjoy.
What love is like.

Yours truly.
M.

b r e a k

Spring is here, it's official.
And with the arrival of actual spring comes the arrival of my need for interesting things, or new things, or whatever. Something to touch me and change me and entice me and so forth.
To shift, and shape, and just CHANGE, thanks.

Spring is prime time for the restless souls amongst us.
It gives comfort, whilst creating more of the restlessness.
Double combo.
But it's nice. (what a hideous word)
It's a time when being restless is okay.
Truly okay.
And settling has been forgotten for the season.
That is simply not an option.

No one asks nature if it wants to stay the same. It is not an option.
Spring just happens, and does its thing.
Perfect time for the restless to relish.

Actually, ..I've just thought of this.
Maybe that's why spring has always, always, always been my favourite season.
Not even my "favourite season" just, The Time to Exist, you know?
It's not about a favourite, not about preference.
It
just
is

And this is why autumn always makes me..twitchy.
Because the time for things to stop and freeze is coming.
The stagnation season.
It does horrible things to my insides.

But for now.
This is not the thing.
Spring is the thing.
And I get immense comfort from the true arrival of this Time.
The unstoppable melting, and breaking out, and the energy and the boundless freedom of changing.

b r e a k.
M.

prince rama

This is insane(-ly good).

New age glitter madness from Brooklyn.
I mean, just listen to this song.
This makes me want to dance on a meadow, naked and glittery.
With horses, at dawn.
And I don't know.
Flowers in my hair.

And I mean, really do that.
Really do that.

Prince Rama - "So Destroyed".

DANCE YOUR SOUL OUT.
M.

adventures

The more time passes and the more I open my eyes to what's actually inside, I realise that all I want to do is adventure.
Genuinely, honestly, I want to adventure and see the world and fully embrace not knowing where I'm going, or sometimes where I am, or anything.
Embrace it and enjoy it.
To be the Me-est Me.

Slowly.
M.

simple things

My life currently seems to revolve around my actual burning desire for simple things.

...
I can't even say anything else, because there simply isn't anything to add.
It is just as simple as that.
My life
revolving
around
that
one
wish

I CRAVE SIMPLE THINGS.

A wish for simple things.
An actual yearning.
No, like, a genuine yearning, like, it feels like I might pass out from wanting simple things.
A yearning for spring.
For peace, and balance, and nature.
And trees.
And tea, and warmth.
And the arrival of spring.

It's weird how simplifying our lives has become something seemingly "hard", or "difficult".
That the norm is non-simplicity, for so many of us.
Including me.

https://soundcloud.com/tenderlovingempire/sets/y-la-bamba-oh-february
Listen to Y la bamba, cause spring is coming, and it sounds a little like snow melt waters.

I need simple things.
I will give myself simple things.

Be simple, my darlings.

Universe.
M.

macklemore

Love is patient, love is kind

I don't usually enjoy rappers making songs about social injustice because it just doesn't feel sincere, at all (a personal reaction). So I don't rave about it usually.
However, Macklemore has done well, like super well.
This song is just so simple, and I believe him, and actually I believe all of his songs.
Everything from the video to the vocals and the loop, is just so goo.
And yes, Thrift Shop is beyond ingenious, but he has got so many good tracks with so much soul.

So dive into Macklemore.

I love Macklemore.

The kid's got a point.
M.

ink will flow

a restless soul

a restless soul. that's what i have.
M.