transform

I found this article and I really like it.
I think Tantra has managed to get itself a bad name much thanks to people just seeing it as a way to lots and lots of sex.
And just, trivialising it.
So I like this article.

And this idea that one can go so deep into the heart of what it loves that it then becomes love itself.
What a nice idea.
And the idea that Tantra accepts everything as a part of learning, all of it. Everything that we might feel or meet - everything is a part of "embracing the path".
..which is more commonly called Life, y'know.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/05/the-yoga-of-tantric-love-7-reasons-why-its-not-just-about-sex/

To have Hope, Faith and Love.
The three Big Gangstas.

I happened upon the end of Shawshank redemption the other day.
What a glorious film.
And there was this quote at the end I'd never really noticed:

"Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And a good thing never dies."

Patience, and kindness.
Words into Actions.
I have a sneaky feeling this is quite literally the core and heart of this year.
My Quarter century year.

Actual harmony only lives inside.
With or without or whatever.
We are what we have.
10 points to me every time I remember this.

And I also like this idea about gratitude I read somewhere, that the reason why gratitude is so important, being grateful for everything you've got, is that sending this out as a signal, life and the universe gets a go-ahead for sending more stuff your way.

Trust in what you already know!


If you speak Estonian:
http://alkeemia.ee/artiklid/10-tarkust-Buddhalt/l-12/c-1587/

So this is a reminder post.
About important things.

With love.
M.


And just THIS, you know.
By a Spanish poet Antonio Machado, translated by Robert Bly.
Last Night, As I Was Sleeping

(just one verse)
Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!—
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.

Sweet honey_from my old failures.
So divine.

more

always this way

And may I   a l w a y s   be this way.

I hope you've had a most lovely weekend.
I know mine has been.
(Covered in paint and loveliness.)

Tomorrow is a day to get over being snotty, sort some stuff for a work meeting on Wednesday and you know. Blah blah = life.
Point is, I wanna be covered in paint some more, and I wanna sing.

Yours truly.
M.

doing

Seriously, this.

In order to BE, you must DO.
I must do.

Doing is the key.

Ideas are "it". You need to have them.
But then?
Ideas themselves are not the thing.
They need the meat. Give your ideas the meat.
The "doing".

Yours truly.
Back in the business.
M.

again

This just keeps coming back.

And it doesn't get any less surprising.
M.

to-do

- have a good breakfast

- pretty one and lenses
- food-shop (and band-aids!)

- clean the kitchen
- tidy livingroom
- give the key to dad
- pack clothes and bedding
- pack phone charger, and washing stuff
- take a sewing kit
- pack bikini

- oh, and stop the over-thinking

To-do.
M.

hang on

..but then again.
Isn't organising something "creation" as well?
Isn't that creating something.
I'm creating an event.
Creating.
Creative.

Okay, just so you know - my days are currently passing under the "Scaffolding concert" flagship.
And basically, in a nutshell, I'm organising it.
So.
As opposed to moan about not creating or not being creative at the moment, I should see this as absolutely creating something!
I mean. How the hell not?

We've got the singers.
We've got the scaffolding.
We've got the posters (currently in print).

Now we need to focus on the media and what we're actually singing.
Both points largely to do with me.
So hey, as opposed to moan about what we DON'T have or what I have NOT done yet - let's concentrate on what we HAVE done and what is already there.
And that's pretty sweet.

Oh, also.
Got some solid advice from A. earlier.
She told me to do something I like.
Simple right?
Wrong.
Apparently I can't get this in my head.
"Otherwise its impossible to do the things you have to do without wanting to RUN AWAY".
I mean, seriously.
That's just what it is.

Sometimes we think it's productive not doing anything fun and only doing the things we have to do, and completing to-do list after to-do list after to-do list, but the truth is, once we forsake fun and actually having a great time, we completely lose productivity.
So in the midst of all the stuff you have to do and I have to do, it is absolutely crucial that we sometimes switch off, just send it all to hell and do something fun.
This weekend I plan to have FUN.
It's been too long.

Also. Without fun, all the positive cool projects will start feeling like a burden, and lose all the positive cool-ness they carry.
And where in the Jesus is the point in that?

So thanks, A.

Point to her.

I hope you're having a great Thursday.
M.


PS. Super sneak-peek. I hope these will be up eeeverywhere soon. So excited they're finished!!

READING

For men, and women.
Read this, there's good stuff in there.

With love.M.

http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/comment/articles/2011-11/22/tony-parsons-men-commandments/

5 days

5 days non-blog.
5 days of some rehearsals, a lot of time in a library trying to find some music, which I found.
5 days of stressing about two gigs, and doing the two gigs, and them going well.

So in short all is well.
In some more detail, however, stuff's weird.
I still don't get where this weirdness is coming from.
It's boring to experience so I don't even know how boring it must be to read about it.
But as ever, everything is a work in progress, so I'm not despairing too much.

There's some things I need to do, and get done.
So I'll do that soon.

For now, I'm eating some cantarell mushroom pasta in Vapiano.
Seeing dad and the spanish one later.
Things need to be decided and I don't like deciding.
Note to self: make friends with decision-making.

I'll do my very very best not to disappear.

Peace out, lovely-ones.
M.

Ella

The divine.
I really should listen to more Ella.
It would fix and solve and relax a lot a lot a lot of stuff.

This song was basically the first one on Youtube, it doesn't really matter which one it is.
Point is. She has no time, no era, no nothing.
She just is.
Whatever, rhetoric fails.

Fitzgerald, I bow to you.
M.

wellies

Having some wellies is just so good.

(Still don't understand what my camera resolution is up to.)

Wear more wellies.
M.

Earth Day

Yesterday was Earth Day, and I walked my little balls off.
No, like, really.
I walked a crazy amount yesterday.

In town, with some pastry, for a while.
Then kind of, late afternoon, for a long time. I walked into town, from home, took like an hour and a bit.
And then more just before going to bed.
A lot of walking.

But it was super nice, and very therapeutic. Me and Peter Gabriel had a marvellous time.
I mean, really.
Next time I have anything to solve, at all, or release or just get over, that is what I need to do.
Have comfy footwear, have Peter Gabriel in my little earholes and walk, walk, walk.
Besides, the weather was divine.
And the sun was setting.

And I enjoy finding unexpected places or see something really beautiful, or just striking.
This photo does not do it justice, but this sunset was amazing.
Even though it's some crappy parking lot that I have never even properly looked at.

Perpetual quest for balance.
I've always said this, always, for yeeears. And that has always been the thing.
And now I was dealt a superb card to test everything that I think I know.

But spring is here.
And beauty is all over the place.

So go explore.
M.

magnify

So.
This is going to be simple.

We need to spend more time magnifying our successes.

If we don't, who else will?

The little things that others won't notice.
The things only you know really matter, I mean, really matter, at the very root of your being.
Those things.
And magnify success, not your setbacks.

I mean, why do we do that anyway?
Why wouldn't we magnify the good things? I mean, why?

So the aim of the week, or the month, or the aim of spring, or the whole year, is to magnify it.

MAGNIFY.
M.

kardashians

Now that I want to spend some time sat in my room behind closed doors once more, it's time for me and the Kardashians to carry on our love affair.

Dash.
M.

change

Patterns.
We need them, they are in our veins because it is simply good for survival.
But sometimes our human nature doesn't understand whether a pattern is good or bad. A pattern is a pattern and if you repeat it enough times, it becomes us.

It's good to notice patterns. Some of them we could do without, others are quite useful.
But I think it makes life a whole bunch easier and more satisfying in the long run to recognise our own patterns.
Patterns of speech, patterns of behaviour, emotional patterns that we sometimes believe is actually our "character". This is messy work at first, but doable.

Of course you can ask, why? Why would anyone want to do this?

For those who are really truly inherently happy with the way your lives are going and your everyday being, the answer is, you don't need this, and feel free to scroll down.
However, from personal experience, I was doing well and I was "fine", but then I decided "fine" isn't good enough. I want to live my life in a way that makes me feel that I'm in the drivers seat.
Of course there are other people in this traffic madness, so I will simply never know everything. But when it comes to me, and my decisions, I now know they are mine. Not habit, not safety, not what I'm used to.

Noticing our own patterns eradicates this sense of "someone" being mean to us, or "life being unfair" or "fate dealing a crap hand". This external force that (it sometimes feels) we are fighting against becomes much more manageable, and not so gloomy and vast. Yes, life is unfair, and yes, sometimes the universe does deal a very very crap hand. But now it's our turn to play those cards and could still come out on top.

So for those of you who feel that you could be better at being you, go for it.

After all, that's what spring is for.

With love.
M.

cleanse

i am going to cleanse my space
which is what i'm currently doing

This was never ever a priority (I think I've mentioned this before). (I'm pretty sure I have, actually.)
But now because I feel that my mind's so much clearer and less cluttered I actually feel that I want the space around me to echo that.
So all of my hands on deck for this mission.

Cleanse.
M.

fitness

New goals!

If fitness stuff really really bores you, then this post will really really bore you.

So.
I've been on my fitness train since the 22nd of October. That's 3 months. That's all!? (Sorry, I have just realised that it is like nothing. 3 months, that is it. Moving on.)
My end goal is and was to get stronger, a lot stronger.
Physically and through that mentally.
3 months down the line and I've realised I need to start doing more weight training.

Now then, ladies. 
If you're anything like me you are inclined to believe that lifting any weights (heavier than like a banana or something) will make you bulky.
I have done a whole lot of reading about this.
For you to get "bulky" you would have to lift INSANE amounts of weights and eat more protein than you weigh yourself. The women who do dedicate their lives to bodybuilding spend crazy crazy amounts of work on this, so a session or two a week of lifting some weights is not going to bulk you up.
This should go hand in hand with a healthy, well-balanced diet (which includes carbs, protein, fats), and cardio (preferably high intensity interval training HIIT, rather than low-intensity. Having said this, it depends why you're working out/what you're training for).

This is what I have been doing for 3 months. I've done a lot of cardio (high and low intensity) and hardly any strength training at all. I eat well and often (3 meals, and like 3 big snacks).
Okay, I have lost weight - but do I feel stronger? Not really.
So therefore, my new fitness goal is to get over this silly myth than women immediately bulk up when they touch weights and start lifting.
If you just do cardio till you're purple in the face, all you're doing is losing the excess fat, however, you're not really toning and changing your shape. Weights are so good for this.
So, because I want to tone up and feel significantly stronger in my body, I am going to lift weights.
(And see how it goes.)

Also. I'm so fed up of this "what's your number on the scale" chat. I mean, what does it even matter? Unless you're very over- or underweight when the number is directly a matter of staying alive or not, it doesn't really matter.
So I've decided to start measuring my successes in like, reps and weights, and distance etc.
And since I can't do push-ups to save my life, this is going to be my new goal.

So, two brand new goals, for the next 3 months.
Weights and push-ups.

Do your research, guys.
This doesn't mean go psycho and get ripped. It means, if you're working out, and want to see any results at all, do your research. Simple as that. There's a lot of stuff going around that's just not true. Many "facts" that are passed around as truth but are really far from it.
And absolutely have lots of fun!
Because we can all do so much more than we think we can.

PS. I do not claim to have any special knowledge, or to have been educated in these questions. I am simply reciting what I've heard from other people who work in fitness, or my friends, and from personal experience. And from the reading I've done. And I absolutely do not claim to be right.

Strong is the new "skinny".
M.

And to finish this off, some mermaids, and a happy seal.

dangle

I used to do this all the time in our old house.
Only I wasn't as high up as she was.
My room was on the 1st floor, or those who don't follow the UK floor system - that would be the 2nd floor.
And my window faced our neighbours apple-trees which were so nice, whatever the season. And I would just sit there, dangle my legs and read.
Or just sit there and stare at the sky, daytime or nighttime.
One time, when I had just discovered Bob Marley, courtesy of my first-love, I sat exactly like this and listened to "No woman, no cry" 46 times. Or was it 42. Either of these digits.

So yes, I am a huge fan of this. Huge fan.

(I'm packing.)

Dangle more.
M.

breakfast

I stayed over-night at E's. Which meant getting up with her, which meant getting up at 7AM.
Okay, for those of you who have actual jobs that follow an actual schedule, this won't sound ridiculous.
However, I don't have that schedule. Last time I would've followed something like this was school. And not even my banterous London highschool days, but we're talking back before 2006.
Also, I'm not one of the early-bird people, I don't think. I like being up late. But then again, everything's a habit. Regardless of whether this is habitual or natural, I'm not a morning person.

Due to all of these reason, this morning is absolutely out of the ordinary. The 7am, the 8.50 breakfast and you know. The fact that I feel like I've been awake for quite some times at 9.40 (when I wouldn't usually be even up yet).
I'm sat in this place called Reval Cafe right in the heart of Tallinn. Some trivia for ya: Reval is the old name of Tallinn.
And I've had an omelette which was great and some green tea, infused with some fruity stuff, I think.

So there you go.
My breakfast time, in town, early morniiiing.

And as always I'll say, I will do this more often, and as ever, I won't.

But I'm always really hopeful.
M.

(y'know, just chilling with some limestone walls, some tea, and my trusty, trusty reindeer.)

MIDDLE

I flew back 2 days ago, and so far I've only thought boring, middle-of-the-scale thoughts.
It is getting serious.
There's a reason I blog a lot in Estonia. Because I just think more there.
That of course includes the usual, the unusual and the everyday, but point is, I. just. think. more.

SO.
The question now is.

WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THIS?

Since thinking is one of my top 3 favourite things to do, this is more than a marginal problem.

"How to induce interesting thoughts?"

.....ummmmm..........

Seriously.

Seriously.
M.

ps. (Anyone with any guidance as to the question above, please go crazy.)