Monday

So, Monday!

It's currently nearly 3am.

Tomorrow I want to.
Call the music school.
Call the pianist about listening to a lesson.
Call the singing teacher.
Message about theatre.
Go see National Theatre 50 at the cinema.
Make a now-till-end-of-year plan.
Write up some programme stuff, for 30.11 aaand January.

That's that.
OH and I also want a nice breakfast.
So.
For me to get this, I must get sleepy.

Love and light.
Yours truly.
M.

Friday

Happy Friday, people!

I'm home, and Gordon is keeping me company, with Masterchef USA.
I love that man, and I don't even care.
Eating some cherries and chilling out, in preparation for the concert tonight.
Tonight we're performing in central Estonia, which is where my dad's side of the family is from.
So it's always a little bit like a real home-coming for me.

Last night was hometown gig.
We sung in this biiggg church in Tallinn and it went super well.
Then I ended up at the Spaniard's, asleep, filing my nails, which are now PINKKKK.
I also had some pizza.
And I also watched an hour and a half of the worst horror movie I have ever seen in my life.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0995863/
Why I watched this, I cannot say.

Almost time to go and chit-chat with the pretty one, before heading off.

If I'm honest with you, I'm really looking forward to having the time to go and adventure freely.
I'm really, really enjoying the tour this summer. I've managed to steal some real relaxation time here and there, so it's so much better than last year.
When I officially turned into a psychopath.

So, happy Friday, everyone!
Have a super start to your weekend.

With love.
M.

And I want to analyse this and concentrate on it soon.

jenna

"This is just, something." (As described by A. But I really really agree.)

Jenna Marbles is known for her pretty brilliant Youtube channel, where she posts a video every Wednesday, about anything really, anything that she fancies.
She's always absolutely hilarious, and looks so positively full of life.
And this week her video was something very different.

Even if you don't follow her channel on Youtube, and you have 8 minutes, watch this.
I think it's worth a watch.
And a nice idea in itself.

Draw your life.
M.

thursday

Today is going to be a good day.
And tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And Saturday is going to be a good day.
And Sunday is going to be a good day.

So these are my weekend plans in a nutshell.
Simple, huh?

And to celebrate Thursday, I shall post a photo of a beautiful white space, someone doing yoga and a puppy.
(By the way - I will absolutely learn how to do a handstand. This is fact. I just need patience. Keyword: PATIENCE.)

No but seriously - E and I lined up our plans earlier, and all-good everywhere.
Today I'm going for coffee with a friend in this super cozy cafe in the Old Town in TLN. And it's sunny outside. Then to dad's for boardgames.
Tomorrow I'm staying over at the pretty one's. Saturday is party night.
And I plan to use my new gym-membership (....yesssssssssssssssssssssss............) for some running and sauna time.

Just
peaceful
times
continuing

I hope you're all having a kick-ass Thursday.

Stay peaceful.
M.

new

No-energy-Maria here.

New energy.
Where to get energy from.
Nutrition, obviously. Good nutrition.
Exercise. All the happy-hormones and stuff make you feel better and more alert (maybe not straight after).
(Also worth mentioning that I've had around 0.5% bothered-ness to do any form of moving/working out lately. Thinking I'll "save energy". Bulls*it. I'm just being lazy. I'd feel so much better over-all.)
Then, like, new hair, I think, gives energy, in a way. Or at least changing my hair does have a very positive effect on me.
I think I might cut it. Not off-off, but definitely shorter. Medium-length, rather than long.

And maybe dye it. Anything to shake my out of this rather apathetic state.

Explanation.

Packing.
Anyone who hasn't had to move, I mean, really move, does not know how exhausting this is. Not like, oh dear, boo hoo, you have to put stuff in boxes, cry about it. But rather, you have to sort through the things. Deciding whether this goes, that stays, sifting through your life.
Not the top of my list, if I'm honest. It's just a tiring process. I never got it, before I had to move out of my boarding house. Jesus.

So therefore, project. More energy! Woo! I'm not lethargic, or sluggish as a person, so periods of this piss me off. Okay, sometimes they mean I need more sleep, or more this, or more that, at the moment it is simply a matter of "Work out a gameplan to get more energy wooo and stop moaning wooo!"

I just googled it.
A 3-minute sing-a-long dance session. (Quite like this idea)
Snacking and chocolate. (Haven't done enough of that today. This might be low bloodsugar, you know?)
Playing. (I like this. Playing. Like, an online-scrabble session if others are out.)
Getting more organised. (I hear you, sister, from my pile of crap.)
Listen to tunes. (I need some more of those tomorrow, thanks.)
Dress up. (I might pack tomorrow, wearing jeans and actual clothes, and do my make-up.)

Okay, so I will do all of these things tomorrow.
For now, I've played some really cute games online (www.orisinal.com) and had some chocolate.
And changed my Google background.

And I've decided to post a few photos, of course.
The thumbs up is for all of you who are in a similar state right now. Of just, No, thanks, life.
Thumbs up, because crap-ness passes.
Then there's one of me and my naked Ryan Gos pillow. Birthday present, oh yes. I highly highly highly recommend you all get one. It solves many many issues.
And then the last one is of my chilli hot chocolate, and a peanut butter and banana sandwich on toasted rye bread with dark chocolate sprinkles. My soul needs it.

Lots of un-stressed love to all of you.
M.

as soon as

First of all, can I just say, how ecstatic I am that I have time to blog.
This started out a long time ago as just a one-post-every-few-months. A few of us left the country, either to study somewhere else, or for a year abroad, and the easiest thing to keep a finger on the pulse with all these now-international friends was blogs.
And then when I ran into a tricky patch I stopped completely. It cracks me up, seriously. There are like, 6-7 month holes in my blogging, back in the day. This seems so silly now.
I think I stopped because I was too tired or too sad to post "all the happy things". I mean, what? Why should I be impressing anyone with this anyway? Seems so silly.
So therefore I now use this space to think out loud. I like being alone, thinking on my own, and this is a superb way of recording this process.

So therefore, I'm so pleased about this.
Thank you for reading. I hope I don't pour too much develop-and-grow-in-yourself stuff on you.

Back to the post.

As soon as summer comes, and I will visit A. in STHLM, or when she's in HEL on her island, THIS is happening.
And oh my oh my, I'm already looking forward to it.
As soon as I get my ass over the January line it feels like spring is creeping (for me). And if spring is creeping, I start making summer plans.
And this is one of them.

Rowing boats. Why do I love thee so.
M.

if in doubt....

...GET SOME EXCITING PLANS OUT.
(This is currently the stage of unofficial excitement.)

But more about this later on.


So.
I noticed that for some reason I have started giving myself the worst possible chance of success.
Because "if it's easy, it's not worth it"? (big fat whatever, doesn't actually matter "why", to be honest..)

one day.
it would take me one day to catch up with everything that's lagging right now.
just one day.
and I've been putting off this one day for like, what, a week? More than a week?
It's ridiculous. and just a whole separate level of sheer stupidity.
and if I don't catch up, it will give me more reasons, more excuses later on, to say why something didn't go like this or like that.
it's like I'm cushioning my own failure, ALREADY.
So as opposed to saying "heck, I tried, I really tried", I'd have to opportunity to say "weelllll, there was thiiiis, there was thaaaat... blah, blah, blah"
Madness.

Why not have a fresh cup of screw-you, aaand actually help myself?
Why not just for once give myself the ultimate best chance of success? And not turn myself into this pitiful charity case? (which I'm SO not.)
Why not?
What is this fear of failure?
Cause surely, every goal is just a step in itself, not a finite point. So okay, yeah, whatever, you failed at point A, but then there's point B, and point C, and point D, and (surprise-surprise!) point E, you catch my drift. So surely, preparation for each point only makes it better for the next one. And these points don't end at Z. They end when our lives end, because that's the point. You go, go, go, go, go, go. You do things, until you don't.
Fear of failure... Why? And failing at what?
(loads of noises indicating "being irritated".)

So fear of failure is just so. f*cking. stupid.
(and also very aggravating stuff.)

ps. I'm going to read this tomorrow morning. Maybe out loud, for good measure.
Peace out.

helping yourself
M.