packing, and emotions

And once again - it's happening!

I'm going somewhere.
Destination this time: STOCKHOLM.




It's been 5 months since my last visit to the Lolcat town and A. and I decided it was simply time for the next leg of this TLN-STHLM romance.
I leave tonight, and back on Monday.

Plans are:
*coffee
*walks
*pastry
*cheeseburger
*movies (ARAGORN)
*sofa

That's it.

So I'm currently just packing, need to shower and get myself into travelling order.
Pisces and I are going to a yoga class before the flight.
It will be such a nice to kick-start an absolutely stress-free weekend.


Not that I've been stressed lately.
It's not stress.
I've just realised how much I repress myself emotionally.
So for the past week I've been concentrating on feeling as much as possible.
This has worked through theatre, a MUSE concert cinema broadcast and some other things.

I'll elaborate on these soon - UH-MAZING.

But in short - overdose.
I thought I'd rather bash myself on the head with feeling-feeling-feeling-feeling-feeling, y'know?
And then do this STHLM break and return calm and ready to deal with emotions on a running daily basis.

Makes sense to me.
And I really hope this actually works in practice as well.

At the moment I'm still too drained from all of it to come to any conclusions or notice a difference.
But I bet it's there, waiting for the storm to calm and then shine like a frikkin' angel.

And so.
I leave you for now.
Off to pack (one pair of jeans, and an array of jumpers), then to curl my hair (just. because) and go to town.
Simple pleasures.
Can't always hang your hat on the hot and heavy.
And when I say this, I do speak from experience.

I tend to get too snobby sometimes for calling time on the analysis.
Analysis is vital.
And I will not back from this.
But sometimes, just curl the hair, and drink the coffee, and wear the pink, and just whatever.
Sometimes just whatever it all, because we don't want you to get tired.


So take a break.


Love and light.
Yours truly.
M.

blame

Placing blame makes no sense.
But I do.
I blame you.
I swear I'll stop.

But I do, I blame you.
And you, and you.

But the truth is.
The only, and I mean, the only thing I need to realise, is that this is not a competition.
Life.
No, seriously.
This is not a competition.
I'm not competing, nor do I have to prove, anything, at all. Ever.
Old habits die hard, but they too will die.
And disappear.

I want to forever be my own first choice.
And live accordingly.
According to this one very very very simple principle:
I will forever be my own first choice.

I think that is my biggest fear.

1st.
M.

Love of Life

Why do I often forget this?

The little things.
Buying yourself flowers.
Cooking something nice.
Seeing something extraordinarily beautiful.
This is the simplest, and the best life-force, when times get a little weird.
And it's also so easy to forget.

So let's not.
The pure love of life.

This blog doesn't have much to do with anything, but it's pretty and the pretty one sent it.
http://thepassionism.tumblr.com/

See the little things.
M.

heaven

..is this.

Simple.
I would literally just stand there, take my sweet time with picking a melon, and stare at the houses/take in some heat.

Heaven is this.
M.

simple things

My life currently seems to revolve around my actual burning desire for simple things.

...
I can't even say anything else, because there simply isn't anything to add.
It is just as simple as that.
My life
revolving
around
that
one
wish

I CRAVE SIMPLE THINGS.

A wish for simple things.
An actual yearning.
No, like, a genuine yearning, like, it feels like I might pass out from wanting simple things.
A yearning for spring.
For peace, and balance, and nature.
And trees.
And tea, and warmth.
And the arrival of spring.

It's weird how simplifying our lives has become something seemingly "hard", or "difficult".
That the norm is non-simplicity, for so many of us.
Including me.

https://soundcloud.com/tenderlovingempire/sets/y-la-bamba-oh-february
Listen to Y la bamba, cause spring is coming, and it sounds a little like snow melt waters.

I need simple things.
I will give myself simple things.

Be simple, my darlings.

Universe.
M.

simple things

I really am a simple creature.
And I'm going to ride this wave, as much as possible.

With love.
M.

Mamma Mia!

Mamma mia.
I heart Mamma mia.
Simple as.

ABBA's tunes are just genius.
And it's a very good plot for the songs to work, really work.
I mean, I think I've watched it an offensive amount, but it just keeps coming out again and again.
So good, so feel-good.
And I think we all need more things like that.

Also, I don't think anyone can really not admit how great the cast is.
Stellan, Meryl, Colin, Julie as well, and of course Pierce - I mean, really.

VOULEZ-VOUS, and feel-good.
M.

turn right, or turn wrong

i've been thinking about this wrong
i've been thinking about singing wrong
cause i've always thought that at the point where i would rather not breathe, singing is not gonna improve anything, that it will just highlight what i can't do, or what i should be doing better.
BUT.
it's wrong.
singing is just the thing i'll need to do then, because all i need to do is follow what's already been written down for me.
that's all.
so simple, so clear-cut, so straight, in every way. so comforting, so steady and stable.
so clean. so clear.
so transparent.
so sure. and unchanging.
feet on the ground, something to latch on to.

i've been thinking about this wrong, i think.
M.

if in doubt....

...GET SOME EXCITING PLANS OUT.
(This is currently the stage of unofficial excitement.)

But more about this later on.


So.
I noticed that for some reason I have started giving myself the worst possible chance of success.
Because "if it's easy, it's not worth it"? (big fat whatever, doesn't actually matter "why", to be honest..)

one day.
it would take me one day to catch up with everything that's lagging right now.
just one day.
and I've been putting off this one day for like, what, a week? More than a week?
It's ridiculous. and just a whole separate level of sheer stupidity.
and if I don't catch up, it will give me more reasons, more excuses later on, to say why something didn't go like this or like that.
it's like I'm cushioning my own failure, ALREADY.
So as opposed to saying "heck, I tried, I really tried", I'd have to opportunity to say "weelllll, there was thiiiis, there was thaaaat... blah, blah, blah"
Madness.

Why not have a fresh cup of screw-you, aaand actually help myself?
Why not just for once give myself the ultimate best chance of success? And not turn myself into this pitiful charity case? (which I'm SO not.)
Why not?
What is this fear of failure?
Cause surely, every goal is just a step in itself, not a finite point. So okay, yeah, whatever, you failed at point A, but then there's point B, and point C, and point D, and (surprise-surprise!) point E, you catch my drift. So surely, preparation for each point only makes it better for the next one. And these points don't end at Z. They end when our lives end, because that's the point. You go, go, go, go, go, go. You do things, until you don't.
Fear of failure... Why? And failing at what?
(loads of noises indicating "being irritated".)

So fear of failure is just so. f*cking. stupid.
(and also very aggravating stuff.)

ps. I'm going to read this tomorrow morning. Maybe out loud, for good measure.
Peace out.

helping yourself
M.

tuesday

Tuesday.
Apparently 8 pillows is what I need, under my net and map combo.
Earlier on I was listening to "100 hits from 1959". I found a song for A's wedding, and to make the whole experience better I was wearing AEM's Raybans.
And then ate some food, and it was great.
I mean, DEVILMOO, man. What is called "devilmoo"?
Simple things.

Tuesday.
M.

simple simple midnight pleasures

It's all good, really.


E. and I went swimming today. Bubbles, swimming, sauna and chats. I mean, come on.
Like a little fishy fish. Should have sung the Salmon dance song, really.

Friday is looming. Can't wait. (Seriously.)

Simple midnight pleasures - did my nails. They are now purring "autumn.." at me, and I don't really mind it. Something between good red wine, a ripe plum and some dark soggy leaves.
Sexy, sexy autumn.
Simple pleasure - playing with one's new phone, like it is the first phone anyone has ever seen or touched or you know. It's silly, but god, it's great fun. (Oh yea, and my phone's red as well. Ahhh, the patterns.)

Simple pleasure - Lord of the Rings, extended versions. I mean, just, YES.


And my phone background is a picture of really red trees. Nicer than the one below, but something along those lines.
I am shoving autumn in my own face. And starting to grow somewhat fonder of it. Shock therapy, or whatever.


So much shallow, shallow fun.
M.

none of this

(For starters, I do not like Lewis Carroll, but I like this quote.)


The thing is, none of this has to be complicated.

And that's the problem, isn't it?

Leia meel, M.