reminder

“Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can’t go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.”

—	Margaret Atwood

magnetic

I hope the thing that was here today and now has hopefully left was actually a magnetic storm.

Cause this day was not fun.

In other news.
- worked on the program for tomorrow
- sorted some music for a concert on the 30th so next Saturday
- did some awesome daydreaming/planning with the pretty one
- felt her babyNINJA'S HEART BEAT.
(let's just let this sink in)
- joined Instagram (I'm not yet taking pouty selfies, but knowing me, this will happen)
- watched many episodes of Hannibal (the new one with Mads Mikkelsen, LOVE)
- agreed to an interview on Monday
- and ate lasagne

So that was my day.
Tomorrow will be busy.
Wake-up, rehearsal, concert-ready, concert, rehearsal.

I really want to get all the social media things into a structure.
I mean, yeah, it's not usually my cup of tea.
And I always feel like I need to understand, visualise in my head, what role they have.
What part to play.

 So for now, I'll leave you to bedtime.

Yours truly.

M.

this week

This week has been super busy and the countdown to HONG KONG has now shrunk down to 10 days!

When did this happen!

I meet Asia, in less than 2 weeks.
What an absolutely strange concept.

I don't know why, but I stilllll cannot even begin to understand just HOW huge this adventure is going to be!
So strange!
I really want to start UNDERSTANDING this, noww!

(So sorry for the excessive caps-lock-ing.)

I mean, really.
Usually I'm almost climbing walls with all the excitement when A. and I take on Stockholm.
So now, when we're faced with her homeground HK, I'm like struck dumb.

Anyway.
This week has been super busy.
Got some nice work things done, and seen some lovely friends.
Last night went out for a little while and then another clothes sale today.

The rest of today was just for resting, on my ass, and mostly horizontal.
Tomorrow marks the all-systems-go moment, once more.
Before official nap-time it's most definitely a time to plan tomorrow.

So, for now, I hope you have a lovely evening.
And I have a feeling good things are coming our way.

With love, and light.
Yours truly.
M.


This was for an educational concert program we're doing this season - yet to see how many schools.
Fingers crossed!


The other day I was wearing this t-shirt E. got me for my 16th birthday.
It's says MARIAQ on the back, and on the front a tiny picture of my favourite energy drink back then.
(I used to get to school super early, and I didn't like coffee back then!)


Outdoor Swan Lake next to the Opera House, with 100 swans.


Sung a little at my old school's autumn concert in the Nokia concert hall in Tallinn.
That was a first for me so it was super exciting!
Loved the dressing room and ID-card.






Also, this week marked my return to the gym, YES.


Got this coat at this big vintage festival like a month ago.
And today it earnt me a most devoted 5-year-old admirer on the bus.
No, seriously.
I think he thought I was an actual cat.

15 days till HK

So this is how long I have left of September that I will actually spend in Estonia.

What.

Therefore I'm just going to re-cap some ideas from August.

And remind myself that I promised to get some stuff done before I leave.
And I truly plan to take this rather seriously.

I want to get balls rolling in September, so I can coast along in October.
This leaving-things-undone is giving me some anxiety and that is stupid.
So therefore, get all balls rolling in September.

Ie, 15 days.

Doable.
Tight, but doable.
Focus.
The perfect exercise in focus.

First of all, tomorrow morning, I need to get cat food.
And after that, the rest can follow.

15 days.
Of focused.
And measured.
Productive.
And effective.
Action.

I, too, wish to be effective.

Yours truly.
M.

---
Affairs. (...IN ORDER. I've postponed sorting a whole bunch of stuff, since I am still of course the self-proclaimed Queen of Procrastination Nation. However, since I'm increasingly getting fed up with this title it's really time to turn over a new page. And re-titled myself, something like, Crown Princess of Productivity? Anyway, you get the general idea.)
Acceptance.
And goes out for everyone else as well as myself.
Plant alllll the seeds of acceptance, that you are worthy. 
Of all the good stuff there is in the whole wide world.
We deprive ourselves of the chance of success and succeeding so often, saying "we can't do it anyway", even before we've made the first tiny step.
So please, you, and you, and me as well. Let's accept ourselves for exactly what we are and accept the fact that we are worthy, of all the good.
Appreciation! Of yourself, of what you have. Appreciation and gratitude are too things most useful and most beauty-making.

Earn your own approval.

“Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive.”

—

Hafiz

I would really like a shower room like this.

I love doing stuff!
Efficient Maria.

And a full English the following morning.

again

This just keeps coming back.

And it doesn't get any less surprising.
M.

this

THIS
SONG

This serves as a reminder: I want/need to get my next tattoo done.

With love.
M.

eat my bassline

Yum-yum, nom-nom.
Just eating this bass beat.
As a snack.

Bass.
M.

heaven

..is this.

Simple.
I would literally just stand there, take my sweet time with picking a melon, and stare at the houses/take in some heat.

Heaven is this.
M.

the yes-cat

I think the Yes-cat just agrees with everything.
But like, in a fun way.
Like, look at his face.
Any idea you'll throw at him, he will do it and love it.
Adventure-cat.
Now THIS is the face of adventure-cat!

I wanna be the Yes-cat.
M.

what i want.

As if we had wings.
M.

seriously

This is getting ridiculous.

RIDICULOUS.
M.

tuesday

Rock some pigtails, drop some filthy beats, drink your coffee and do some laundry.

Hello, Tuesday.

Get going.
M.

coffee

I spoke to E. and got some motivation to do stuff!
So now I have my coffee and my apple and we're doing this!

Motivation.
M.

exhausted

Pretty simple - I'm exhausted.
Of this packing stuff.
Of thinking what I'm going to do with my life.
Of not knowing when I can move. Of not knowing when I can fly home.
Of not knowing anything apparently.
Just, no.

F*CK
THIS
SH*T

Night-night.

With love.
M.

i follow rivers

This song
This song
This song
This song
This song
This song
This song
This song

Be the ocean where I unravel.

Can I follow?
M.

loneliness

(This following post was brought about by the fact that I just saw an old friend who I used to be really close with in school, just when I moved here. And up until today, hadn't seen him in 4 years.)

Okay, so.
There's this thing that really confuses me. This thing that I do.

I make myself lonely.

Explanation.
I have lots of friends and lots and lots of acquaintances, that I've just gathered from Estonia and UK and all around the place, with these (almost) 7 years of travelling and roaming about the place.

Then I just seem to do my best not to see them.
And then I feel lonely.

Is it just me or like, this just does not make any sense, at all?

Okay, I would get it if I don't see anyone (apart from like my main 5-6 people) and then I'm absolutely jumping off the walls over the moon happy with this situation.
But this is not the case.

So therefore, through some logical-deduction, this makes no sense. At all.

If I don't want to be lonely, why do I make myself lonely?
Why do I cut myself off from all these people who would like to see me, or hear from me, or both?

Granted, I like solitude, form time to time. I like living in a serene, quiet surrounding - okay, fine.
But to self-create this loneliness? Think that I have to friends or people and almost envy those who do? When it's actually me who's creating this.
NON
SEN
SI
CAL

I mean, I have no idea.
M.


(If there is anyone else who does this, please please let me know why would anyone actually do this.)

sthlm

This place is circus.

And I don't know how to behave.

These two statements don't go hand in hand.
we're back home from town, I'm back to wearing the reindeer, and A. is napping.

Circus.
M.

one of those

one of those days when little things are like, SO annoying.
like, someone's stuff on the banister that keeps falling down
or like, the shower being just not hot enough
or like, someone else's music being too loud
or just like, everything you know
little things

ugh

confession.
all this is powered by the fact that i want to go home.
or rather, home via Stockholm, ya know.

Cause this time it's still Chaos and Mayhem, but Chaos and Mayhem Christmastide Special.
Different vibez.
Some actual c+m combo might happen, but it's not the emphasis.

MYSA IS.
M.

MY FEEEELINGS

I LOVE THIS SONG.
It just makes me very happy.

Almost time for "goodnight".
M.