midnight

Hey, guys!!

Can I just start with saying that the past few days have been really truly wonderful!

First of all, a very unexpected message from a dear acquaintance and a colleague I reallly respect, then some super excellent baroque concerts, then some work meetings with like-minded people, talking about exciting ideas about new projects, and then another super lovely meeting.
It's so nice to receive a hand from the Universe when stuff gets really crap.
I'm so grateful for this pick-me-up.


So the storm has passed I think.


I'm looking forward to doing things.
And I'm feeling nice in my bones.
I don't have many thoughts to share with you this Friday night.
But what I can say is this - I'm feeling steady, and pleased, and happy about the way this energy is moving.

I'm throwing a bunch of stuff out tomorrow, dad's coming to help.
We're dropping them off at this second hand centre where they relocate your things and clothes to people in need.
I've filled a big IKEA bag and my big suitcase.

That's a lot of stuff.
A lot of stuff = a lot of new space.
And this makes me exited!

Upwards and onwards, let's keep our flames burning.


Tomorrow I am doing some shopping in town, I've got a charity concert on Sunday so I need some stuff for that. Then dad and getting rid of the clothes. Then I'm getting my nails done, I'm really starting to enjoy it! And then perhaps a little sunbed - the dress for Sunday is white.
So that's my very simple Saturday.

Love to all of you!
I'm grateful about feeling happy, I'm grateful for making new space and I'm grateful that I feel like I'm making progress.

Follow your truth.
Yours truly.
M.

25

I AM.

It's my birthday today.

Happy birth day, to me.

I am thinking of the things I am, today.

I Am grateful.

I Am feeling like I'm really moving in the right direction.

I Am love, and I find love in so many places.

I Am trusting life.

I Am fluid.

I Am creative.

I Am making my opportunities.

I Am in motion.

I Am in motion.

I Am expanding.

I Am expanding my mind.

I have love for all of you.

Trust life.

See the bigger picture.

Serve Yourself first as the Master.

Ride the wave and give out Love.

So it will find it's way back to you.

Magic is something you make.

Love love love.

Yours truly.

M.

transform

I found this article and I really like it.
I think Tantra has managed to get itself a bad name much thanks to people just seeing it as a way to lots and lots of sex.
And just, trivialising it.
So I like this article.

And this idea that one can go so deep into the heart of what it loves that it then becomes love itself.
What a nice idea.
And the idea that Tantra accepts everything as a part of learning, all of it. Everything that we might feel or meet - everything is a part of "embracing the path".
..which is more commonly called Life, y'know.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/05/the-yoga-of-tantric-love-7-reasons-why-its-not-just-about-sex/

To have Hope, Faith and Love.
The three Big Gangstas.

I happened upon the end of Shawshank redemption the other day.
What a glorious film.
And there was this quote at the end I'd never really noticed:

"Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And a good thing never dies."

Patience, and kindness.
Words into Actions.
I have a sneaky feeling this is quite literally the core and heart of this year.
My Quarter century year.

Actual harmony only lives inside.
With or without or whatever.
We are what we have.
10 points to me every time I remember this.

And I also like this idea about gratitude I read somewhere, that the reason why gratitude is so important, being grateful for everything you've got, is that sending this out as a signal, life and the universe gets a go-ahead for sending more stuff your way.

Trust in what you already know!


If you speak Estonian:
http://alkeemia.ee/artiklid/10-tarkust-Buddhalt/l-12/c-1587/

So this is a reminder post.
About important things.

With love.
M.


And just THIS, you know.
By a Spanish poet Antonio Machado, translated by Robert Bly.
Last Night, As I Was Sleeping

(just one verse)
Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!—
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.

Sweet honey_from my old failures.
So divine.

for you

I just want to thank you, from my heart and soul to yours, for somehow reminding me who I actually am, and more importantly, how much it's worth.

Maybe at some point in this life I'll somehow be able to show you how much that truly means.
And how much love I have for you.
I once said it's the greatest gift anyone can give another person.

I am good just the way I am.
I am worth loving just the way I am.


I sometimes used to forget.

But now I don't want to anymore.
I don't ever want to stop seeing what you saw.
And, I think, what you still see.

Maria

15 days till HK

So this is how long I have left of September that I will actually spend in Estonia.

What.

Therefore I'm just going to re-cap some ideas from August.

And remind myself that I promised to get some stuff done before I leave.
And I truly plan to take this rather seriously.

I want to get balls rolling in September, so I can coast along in October.
This leaving-things-undone is giving me some anxiety and that is stupid.
So therefore, get all balls rolling in September.

Ie, 15 days.

Doable.
Tight, but doable.
Focus.
The perfect exercise in focus.

First of all, tomorrow morning, I need to get cat food.
And after that, the rest can follow.

15 days.
Of focused.
And measured.
Productive.
And effective.
Action.

I, too, wish to be effective.

Yours truly.
M.

---
Affairs. (...IN ORDER. I've postponed sorting a whole bunch of stuff, since I am still of course the self-proclaimed Queen of Procrastination Nation. However, since I'm increasingly getting fed up with this title it's really time to turn over a new page. And re-titled myself, something like, Crown Princess of Productivity? Anyway, you get the general idea.)
Acceptance.
And goes out for everyone else as well as myself.
Plant alllll the seeds of acceptance, that you are worthy. 
Of all the good stuff there is in the whole wide world.
We deprive ourselves of the chance of success and succeeding so often, saying "we can't do it anyway", even before we've made the first tiny step.
So please, you, and you, and me as well. Let's accept ourselves for exactly what we are and accept the fact that we are worthy, of all the good.
Appreciation! Of yourself, of what you have. Appreciation and gratitude are too things most useful and most beauty-making.

Earn your own approval.

“Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive.”

—

Hafiz

I would really like a shower room like this.

I love doing stuff!
Efficient Maria.

And a full English the following morning.

a lonely life

First of all, hello, all!
I'm back from "the South".
3 gigs later, I'm back.

They all went supremely well.
3 PACKED churches.
I'm so grateful, I truly am.
So the only thing to do is to stay super thankful, humble and work my balls off.

But I just have to say - it is a lonely life.
The guys I'm doing it with have wives and families and stuff.
I come home to the cat.
Love the cat as I do, but y'know..
It's just.
I'm not saying I want a family like tomorrow.
All I am saying is - touring gets sad, because I want to come home and SHARE this stuff you know?
With someone who cares about my existence.

AND I'm not moaning out of thin air - it is such a sharp contrast.
Having a fulll hall, with people literally loving what we're doing, or what I'm doing. You can see the emotion, we feel it and they feel it. And then coming home to nothing.
There was this little girl, who came up to the stage once we had finished just to hug me because "I was so nice".
I mean, seriously.
And then just four walls, my cup of tea and nothing.

This used to really really fuel the very unpleasant sides of my character back in the day.
Now I'm just better, I guess, at dealing with it.
Besides, I hear it coming way from the other side of the hill, which also helps.

And so, I'm going to power on.
Use some of the stuff the Spanish one recommended.
The nice stuff.


We had a picnic the other day, with the Tartu girls.
We chatted for a few hours, had some cheese and cherries and stuff.
It was so very nice.

Share, share, share.
M.

light the way

I must not forget this.



I don't believe in guardian angels really. Mum always has but they have never been my thing.
But many people along the way have said that I apparently have many.
As I said - it has never been my thing.

I now see it existed, for that reason.
As a guardian, to show me how exactly to carry on living my life.
Which is also why I saw the skies and the entire universe through it.
And myself, and my childhood, and the life I want.
The person I am, the person I could be, the person I do not wish to be.

And Love as I've imagined it.


Not to keep it this time, but to show me the way and path on which to carry on living my life.
Which is what I asked for.
Which is exactly what I asked for.
Direction and purpose.
For someone to show me the direction.

But I am only human so it has taken me this long to see it for what it was.
And as opposed to mourn the loss of something I thought I wanted to keep, I should rather be so grateful that I had this experience, this chance to shift my path.
To grow, and to change. Into someone a lot more like Me.

Because that's the greatest gift any one of us will ever receive.
And right now, I'm so grateful, it's stupendous.

And all this sense of loss or being deprived of something has gone, and all that remains is just gratitude, for having been given the chance to grow like that.
To have this reminder.
To have this sign-post.

It was never mine to keep, but it appeared to show me the direction.
Like in the folk tales.


And I have the Kaleidoscope to keep.
M.

enough

How gracefully we let go of the things that are not meant for us.

Enough, child. Enough now.

Really, honestly - enough.
M.

gap

Whenever there's a gap in my blogging I can tell (and probably so can you) that it's a tricky patch.
But my tricky patches used to last months, now it's a few days - YAY!
I award myself a point.

But the main thing is that I'm moving, and things are moving.
And as opposed to digging myself into a deeper hole (which we all love doing), I'm getting myself out of it.
With the help of some trusty trusty, trusty friends.
Shout-outs from the heart go out to:
(in alphabetical order)
A.
E.

the Pretty one.
And last, but so not absolutely no-frikkin'-way last, the Spanish one.

Thank you.
I know I've said this to you each, at random times, but it's true.
And I don't expect you to help me so I'd thank you and fall over in gratitude, but I am, so truly grateful.
Because without friends like you I would never in a trillion years have the courage to do or decide the way I've decided. (So cryptic, ha!)

So.
Happy Saturday to all of you.
I'm off to see some friends.

With love.
As always.
M.

make my systems blow

So last night I got my mind blown.

By Prince Rama.

I mean.
It was enough to make my systems blow, into specks of stardust or something.
Crazy good.

Such an experience.
Such a shake, in the right direction.
Such force and the beat and the pulse and the power.

A
maze
balls.

And I spoke to the girls after and they were just so lovely and warm so it was absolutely super awesome over-all.
My heart chakra did a gratitude dance.

Open.
M.

simple things

My life currently seems to revolve around my actual burning desire for simple things.

...
I can't even say anything else, because there simply isn't anything to add.
It is just as simple as that.
My life
revolving
around
that
one
wish

I CRAVE SIMPLE THINGS.

A wish for simple things.
An actual yearning.
No, like, a genuine yearning, like, it feels like I might pass out from wanting simple things.
A yearning for spring.
For peace, and balance, and nature.
And trees.
And tea, and warmth.
And the arrival of spring.

It's weird how simplifying our lives has become something seemingly "hard", or "difficult".
That the norm is non-simplicity, for so many of us.
Including me.

https://soundcloud.com/tenderlovingempire/sets/y-la-bamba-oh-february
Listen to Y la bamba, cause spring is coming, and it sounds a little like snow melt waters.

I need simple things.
I will give myself simple things.

Be simple, my darlings.

Universe.
M.

hamsa

Just saying, thanks for reading.
(I mean, really really thanks for reading.)

Some helping hands. I like the image of open palms and hands showing "no harm".

Show an open hand.
M.

friends

Friends.
Today I'm just really grateful, for having people in my life.
For having people who care about me.
And people who care about how I'm doing.
And what will happen to me.
And people who wish to push me and challenge me, and help me challenge myself.
And help me see myself the way they see me.Which sometimes is so very very important.

So today is for gratitude.
I am grateful for the friends, I am grateful that they care and I'm grateful that I have many more times with these lovely people to look forward to.

Thank you.
M.