blog?

Bad kitty. 

I haven't blogged in a while.

And as we know, every day i don't blog, is a day of uncollected thoughts.

And this time is no different.

Christmas this year arrived with an unwanted friend.

Serious past and baggage time.

But this is just a matter of semiotics, I guess...

Label it different.

Not impossible.

There is no one and only.

With anything.

There's choices and options and paths.

We each have a different one.

And so we have different things that hurt.

No pain is the same.

Find the people who heal your pain.

It's the greatest gift anyone can give.

Things don't simply disappear, sadly.

Until we are ready to take them, head on, and always with love.

For that is the only thing ever to heal anything really.

So when you do find that which hurts, give it Love.

Give yourself (!!) love.

Whatever it is that has caused you this pain, it has done it long enough.

So out of pure love for yourself, forgive.

And release.

And where there was pain, is now Love.

I know all this founds fairly vague and lala-land, but it works.

I'm on my way to tour concert number 3.

It's 2 days before Christmas and my heart is somewhere else.

But it's good, all of this is good.

And last night as well, so many old friends.

So happy 4th Advent to you all.

Stick with your process, and as long as you have Hope in a universal abundance, you'll be just fine.

I think it's time for me to do some reading.

And painting.

And maybe even go to some work out class.

Or yoga with Pisces.

Mostly reading though.

As ever, yours truly.

M.

life

So.

Yesterday I had two concerts.

And filmed this tv interview.

And then right now, I'm on my way to gig number 1 of the day, and second one starts at 7pm.

The second one also marks the beginning of the Christmas Tour!

Woo!

Today will be finished, and then I'm becoming human once more.

A human who concentrates on eating.

And sleeping.

And a beauty regime.

And reading.

And eating again.

And maybe walking.

Et

Cetera.

We just need to remember that every deviation from the norm - the balanced, peaceful state - is "tension".

And there can be both negative and positive tension.

Everything that affects the middle line of our energy is tiring.

And this is exactly where I'm at.

This month so far has been crazy wonderful.

But I'm really tired.

Not of any one thing in particular, rather just the body wants time to process everything and let it sink in.

So give yourself time to rest even after the super hyper mega positive things in your life.

Your system needs time to take everything in.

And so I'm going to carry on driving towards gig number 1.

Yours truly.

M.

 

why?

I don't usually like the arrival of December and all that, but this time I'm so excited!!!

What's going on?!

Advent.

M.

wednesday

So, let's say you would be up at 3AM, on a Wednesday night, right.
What would you be doing?

I presume not singing along to a Medieval Christmas carol, on repeat.


Gaudete Christus est natus


I don't have the appropriate version, sadly.
I will soon.
And then I'll share it.

#sacredmusic


Yours truly.
M.

jõulud

Christmas + zen

I've heard so many people (more than usual) this year mention the holiday hustle, and how busy it is. So many people just saying how they don't really want to go into town, or go Christmas shopping, because everyone is acting fairly deranged, which I'm not debating.
All I wanted to say was that I just think it's such a shame that the Christmas holidays for the majority have become something that takes away their energy as opposed to giving them energy.

So since the holidays are now officially over I hope the end of the year will give you some time to gather some awesome new energy and recharge. Doesn't matter whether it's from your family, your friends, or the place you live, or the local Christmas market.
Light a candle, or whatever, and think some really nice, peaceful, happy thoughts.

A zen-ful end-of-the-old-year to you.
M.

I heartttttttt my reindeer

Christmas tours..

I love them.

I mean, I really do. I love the Christmas tours.
I've been doing them for a long long time. I've been singing Christmas concerts pretty much forever, the tours came after. But still. Singing at Christmas is like such a fave of mine. Such a massive fave.
Granted sometimes it's annoying when my friends are making holiday plans and my answer tends to be "No, sorry I'm singing in Blah-ville that night", or "No, sorry, I'll be sitting in a car on my way to Schmeh-town".
But, it's AWESOME over-all.

However, one thing does crack me up so much, or frustrate me loooads, depending on the day.
I was getting ready before a concert last Friday and I laughed out loud at the stuff I was putting (or piling) on.
We use churches as venues (insert discussion about Estonians loving churches during these hols) and they tend to be cold, for obvious reasons. But I can't just wear jeans and a parka. I have to, or rather, I still want to be in my nice dresses and look the holiday-y part, which means one thing: LAYERS!

So I took these two photos, like 2 minutes apart. No 1 I genuinely look like I could be preparing myself for a mountain hike or whatever, and then BOOM, back in the game.

But seriously, it gets cold. I usually don't care, but when a venue's so cold that I can see the warm air leaving my mouth as I sing (you know, when it looks like steam, or like everyone is just casually exhaling smoke), then I get a bit worried.
So, therefore, all hail thermo-wear!

Happy Christmas.
M.

And so it is Christmas

Häid Jõule kõigile!

With love.M. 

STHLM pictures, as promised

A's future husband.
We went out for dinner, and saw this guy, bearded, beanie hat.
Holding a baby on one arm.
We died. So therefore, this guy in the middle could do the same thing. He's allowed.

Indoor market in Stockholm. Pastry. I heart pastry.

Textbook A+M situation/Chaos and Mayhem adventure
= 3AM in Macdo.
The people, and I mean the circus - one of the best I've ever seen.
You get a point, youths of Stockholm.

Bag of coated nuts (omg the variety), and tea.
Location: A's floor. White, wooden. No carpet!

Same indoor market, wintery festive cheeses.
My favourite is the snowman one.

Just some pretty lights.

Since I was wearing A's red Converse (cause I had no other flat shoes),
I couldn't resist the temptation for a self-take at H&M.
Oh, and I fully embraced "the Stockholm pony" -
middle-parting, low-pony-tail.

Oh, and we tried on the same dress, different colours.
Potentially for New Years. It still might be on the cards.

Sweden's biggest out-door museum - it's a biggg village.
All working little houses, and a pharmacy, and a tavern,
and people in national dress.
A. and I danced around a Christmas tree with some children,
for 30-40 minutes.
And then I had a Lussekatter. It's basically a saffron bun.
And its name ends in "cat".

All red. Before heading to the airport.

TALLINNNNN.

inner view

INTERVIEW.
The word.
You know?

That's what it's meant to be. An inner view of someone, a view into the person.
And I think I spent 3,5 hours today giving the most honest (or at least the most "true to myself") interview of my life today.
(And I have had I mean, not like, loads, but plenty of them in my life.)

And it was just so honest with myself I guess.
I don't even know. I think I'll understand why it meant something to me but later on.
For now I'm pleased with how it went, since I was stressing about it last night to E. And it was great!

And now I'm playing a great game (http://wellgames.com/free_online/fitz/). I love this thing.
Just had a carrot, and might make some tea.
First rehearsal for the tour tomorrow.
Exciting times, and good times, and most of all, interesting times.

Wintertime.
M.

my reindeer

first things first

First things first. 

I was checking my blog “facts” and apparently there are people who read it – so, you…  – from quite a few different countries, some of which I don’t have any friends in. Soooo in short, before this gets too sappy and out of hand, thank you for reading.



So.
As promised, the past few days.

Yesterday was awesome.
I got up same time as AJ and went to town with her, in the morning. I walked her to her office and then walked about on my own for a while. It was so weird being right in central with some shops still shut. It’s one of those things – I love being awake early enough to enjoy the “morning time”, but then the next day I’ll rapidly change my mind. A bit of a shame, cause seriously, I like it, a lot.
Then met up with one of my friends from Tallinn who was in town for a bit. So we went and had some egg based deliciousness.
I went and got some seasonal bits and pieces, before flying home. I’ve had a little Christmas list for a while, for family and friends. And after a fairly fun-deprived hermit-style two months it was literally like 5-year-old-o-clock. I was so excited to be out and to be buying socks for someone (don’t judge, they are actually awesome), or some tea for mum and you know. Just little things, but I’d been waiting for it for so long. Oh, and I got a jumper for myself as well – it’s red and has a mothertrucking raindeer on it. I feel that Christmas is not the time for “cool”.
AEM came and met me for some more walking (why I wore heels – no one knows..). We went to have some dinnertime food at the Pizza Express at St. Christopher’s Place, one of my favourite little corners in London. I don’t even know why, it’s just this tiny tiny square, with some shops and food places on it. But there’s two ways of getting there – you can either approach it from the actual road, OR you can enter via this tiiiny pedestrian path, from Oxford Street. And I mean, when I say tiny, I do mean tiny. It’s right there, and people just walk past it. You’ll definitely pass it when walking down Oxford Street. It’s just so sneaky. Like Narnia or something. Minus the lion.
(More pictures to follow.)

Also.
I finally made the “official” announcement to my housemates that I’m moving back to my hometown for a bit – this being Tallinn, Estonia. It hasn’t even begun to sink in yet. I’m gonna have to do something or something whatever over Christmas to make it more concrete. Otherwise it just feels like floof, you know?
Crazy.
But it feels good. This decision.
More about this later I guess, maybe. Maybe not.

So here I am. Sat on a plane. Sitting in the aircraft. In air. Hovering, above actual clouds. Wearing my reindeer jumper. I’ve never written above ground. This is weird.
It always gets me – this whole above clouds business. Cause I mean, they are clouds. The clouds. And then you are above them. Like, what?
I know this entertains A. somewhat, when I get like this. Marvelling at random things, but like, to a slightly weird extent. Like in Croatia, we went for a swim and the water didn’t appear to be much deeper than a couple of meters, and you could see the bottom of the sea clearly, so close. We were swimming really close to the beach. So A. said she thought it was much deeper. Being a mermaid she decided to show this to me and vertically descend, feet first. I was to stay floating, and observe.

And so this 170cm-ish female just went and went and went till she was TINY. AND MY MIND WAS BLOWN. A. came back up and I was like – “HOW IS IT THIS DEEP OMG THE BOTTOM IS RIGHT THERE YOU CAN SEE IT YOU CAN SEE IT”. This of course is all to do with perspective and blah blah, okay I get it. But seriously, it just BLEW my mind. Just seeing her become smaller and smaller, being RIGHT THERE. UGH. Seriously!

As you can see I still haven’t got over this..
Same thing with being above clouds.
M.

one of those

one of those days when little things are like, SO annoying.
like, someone's stuff on the banister that keeps falling down
or like, the shower being just not hot enough
or like, someone else's music being too loud
or just like, everything you know
little things

ugh

confession.
all this is powered by the fact that i want to go home.
or rather, home via Stockholm, ya know.

Cause this time it's still Chaos and Mayhem, but Chaos and Mayhem Christmastide Special.
Different vibez.
Some actual c+m combo might happen, but it's not the emphasis.

MYSA IS.
M.

...you see, the thing is

Ahh, I did some daydreaming today...

It will be called plan 43.

And it includes A., a NYC loft, or a townhouse, and the Met, of course.
And dogs who will have to stay in the servants' quarters (HA),
and cats who can remain in front of the fire.
Cats hypo-allergenic, and otherwise.

A. will be a professor of something ÜBERinteresting. And she will have just returned from an expedition to either Pole. Doesn't really matter which one.
On this expedition she will have met a guy, who turns out to be quarter-Icelandic. But a lifelong Newyorker. Doing a PhD in something ineffably cool. So her visit does not only include seeing me, but going on scarf-and-coffee filled walks with this guy, in Central Park. Of course.
And I will be in New York singing the Met Autumn/Winter season. Doing a REALLY good production of Lucia. And I mean, really good.
And we'll be there, in some sort of a rented accommodation. So we'll be there, in the library, which holds a fireplace and a grand piano, sitting on the sofa, napping. That is A. will be napping, I'll be sat behind the piano, going over some part of the score.
A's nap is due to the fact we will have just finished dinner, followed by cheese. And it's the cheese that will have created this nap-time.
And it will be nearing Christmas.
And I'll be wearing really world-class socks. This is of utmost importance.
And then some sort of a man, in a loose tie, will arrive home from whatever work business whatever, wherever. But he'll arrive.
And then after the opening night, we will all go to a Russian restaurant. It will have to be around midnight because I doubt I'll get out of the Met before that.
And I will order of course - cause it's from my hood.
And we'll walk home - cause it's just across the Park. Of course.

DAYDREAMING
M.