8/03

Hello, guys.

I didn't find my jumper today, and I got so annoyed.

Like, angry.

Part of this magic is that the flat is still up on the real estate website, and we're waiting for the buyer. 

So I still don't have proper storage space for my clothes. 

And today I got so inhumanly annoyed, and I really didn't enjoy it.

So.

Big clothes clear out coming up. 

I realized rummaging through everything today, looking for my jumper, that I don't like half of what I have and another 25% just either is too big too small or too something.

An easy deduction and voila - I actually want to keep a quarter of everything.

And this is just clothes.

Too much STUFF clouding my space.

Even if I don't have it in my immediate surroundings, it's still there.

The energy of too.many.things.

I once told my dad that I'll want space and order to surround me once I feel ordered on the inside.

And I guess we're here then..

Just this unstructured mess and disorder annoyed me so so much.

I never gave a crap about anything like that.

So yay! 

P for Progress.

With love.

M.

expressive

Okay, so.

I don't think I particularly struggle with self-expression.
However.
..and this is something I've spoken about before.

Clothes.

Spring is coming.
And I was reading Dani's blog, as I do most days, and she was saying how she's lost her expressiveness via clothes.
And I'm exactly the same.
I find it rather depressing - the idea.
Clothes are amazing!
And should be used to extend Yourself.
Everything, EVERYTHING is an extension of ourselves.

And it's a missed opportunity not to use clothes in the same fashion.


And then there's me moaning endlessly about being bored.
Yes, well WEAR something interesting - and then let's see how you feel.
Maybe it will work, maybe not.
However, it's worth a shot.
Not to look boring.

Okay then.

Yours truly.
M.

http://dani.metromode.se/


Here she supports a distinct lack of clothing, I just love the top left shot.

transform

I found this article and I really like it.
I think Tantra has managed to get itself a bad name much thanks to people just seeing it as a way to lots and lots of sex.
And just, trivialising it.
So I like this article.

And this idea that one can go so deep into the heart of what it loves that it then becomes love itself.
What a nice idea.
And the idea that Tantra accepts everything as a part of learning, all of it. Everything that we might feel or meet - everything is a part of "embracing the path".
..which is more commonly called Life, y'know.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/05/the-yoga-of-tantric-love-7-reasons-why-its-not-just-about-sex/

To have Hope, Faith and Love.
The three Big Gangstas.

I happened upon the end of Shawshank redemption the other day.
What a glorious film.
And there was this quote at the end I'd never really noticed:

"Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And a good thing never dies."

Patience, and kindness.
Words into Actions.
I have a sneaky feeling this is quite literally the core and heart of this year.
My Quarter century year.

Actual harmony only lives inside.
With or without or whatever.
We are what we have.
10 points to me every time I remember this.

And I also like this idea about gratitude I read somewhere, that the reason why gratitude is so important, being grateful for everything you've got, is that sending this out as a signal, life and the universe gets a go-ahead for sending more stuff your way.

Trust in what you already know!


If you speak Estonian:
http://alkeemia.ee/artiklid/10-tarkust-Buddhalt/l-12/c-1587/

So this is a reminder post.
About important things.

With love.
M.


And just THIS, you know.
By a Spanish poet Antonio Machado, translated by Robert Bly.
Last Night, As I Was Sleeping

(just one verse)
Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!—
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.

Sweet honey_from my old failures.
So divine.

dreams

We don't need to know what we're good at to dream.
Maybe these crazy dreams we get every now and then are there to show us what we would be good at.
If we'd just give ourselves a chance.

Maybe that's what the dreams are for.

Take them seriously.
I mean, we gotta for it to work, you know?

Goethe on öelnud: "Sel hetkel, kui inimene ennast millelegi täielikult pühendab, tuleb appi ka Ettemääratus. Juhtuvad kõiksugu asjad, mis muidu poleks juhtunud, terve sündmuste vool, mis toob inimeseni kõik ettenägematud juhtumid, kohtumised ja abi, millest poleks osanud unistadagi." - See more at: http://alkeemia.ee/artiklid/Unistamisest/l-5/c-1280/#sthash.LfbzKGEe.dpuf

Goethe has said: The moment when an individual commits themselves to something whole heartedly, predetermination steps into play. Allsorts of things start to happen, that otherwise wouldn't have, a whole flow of events, that brings unforeseen happenings, meetings and help, that one could not have dreamt of.

Goethe.

Yours truly. 

M. 

crow

I can't remember when this was exactly, but somehow the crow as a symbol appeared in my life.

Firstly, I really like the idea of totem animals.
Native Americans, according to my readings, don't have animals set in stone. For example, you are Pisces, you are Taurus.
But rather, your totem animal can arise out of a strong connection with a certain animal, both a positive connection, or potentially one of fear as well.
Either or, bottom-line remains - an animal that you could learn from.

And so, the wolf had made it's appearance in my life some time before.
I have absolutely no idea how this happened, largely because I've always been petrified by big dogs.
Like, to the point of crying.
Not all dogs though. I can judge and see their character really well, and it's the unpredictable ones I used to be completely terrified of.
So to this day I can't remember how the wolf made it's appearance, but it did.
And so the wolf became my own, personal totem animal.

Some time later the crow appeared.
AGAIN, a bird that I have never-ever felt anything for.
Birds in general.
I like the idea of flying, but anything other than that never existed.
But this is what I found out about the symbol of the Crow.
---

You can rest assure whenever crows are around, magic is near by and you are about to experience a change in consciousness. The crow can give you the courage to enter the darkness of the void, which is the home of all that is not yet in form.

The home of all that is 
not
yet
in
form

Things to come.

The striking black color of crow represents the color of creation. It is the womb out of which the new is born. Black the color of night gives birth to the light of a new day. Crow is a daytime bird reminding us that magic and creation are present in both. Their ability to shift between the known and unknown world indicates new journeys.

Crow is associated with magic, unseen forces and spiritual strength. If crow flies into your life, get out of your familiar nest, look beyond your present range of vision, listen to its caw and act accordingly.

It is the power of the unknown at work, and something special is about to happen. Crow can give you the courage to enter the darkness of the void, which is the home of all that is not yet in form.They are territorial and won't give up an area without a fight. They are loners, seeming to like to spend time to themselves.

If you have a crow as a totem, you need to be willing to walk your talk and speak your truth. You must put aside your fear of being a voice in the wilderness and "caw" the shots as you see them. Crow is an omen of change. If he keeps appearing to you he may be telling you that you have a powerful voice when addressing issues that you do not quite understand or feel that they are out of balance.

When you meet crow, he could be telling you that there will be changes in your life and that possibly you should step by the usual way you view reality and look into the inner realms …walk your talk…be prepared to let go of your old thinking and embrace a new way of viewing yourself and the world.

When you learn to allow your personal integrity to be your guide, your sense of feeling alone will vanish. Your personal will can then emerge so that you will stand in your truth. The prime path of true Crow people says to be mindful of your opinions and actions. Be willing to walk your talk, speak your truth, know your life’s mission, and balance past, present, and future in the now. Shape shift that old reality and become your future self.




http://anasopiah.blogspot.com/2009/02/crow-raven-wolf-totems.html


So.
The Crow.

Look for symbols, and look for the bits and pieces, you know.
There are so-so many interesting things in the universe to find.
Waiting for you, to find them.

Of course I'm not asking anyone to burn all the incense or not brush your teeth and live in a mud-hut, et cetera, et cetera.
But there are interesting things, for you to find.

Especially when you need some answers.

Yours truly.
M.

safe

How to keep an inner self safe?
That's my question.
How do you keep an inner self safe and sound and protected, and shining?

May your inner self be secure.
M.

inner view

INTERVIEW.
The word.
You know?

That's what it's meant to be. An inner view of someone, a view into the person.
And I think I spent 3,5 hours today giving the most honest (or at least the most "true to myself") interview of my life today.
(And I have had I mean, not like, loads, but plenty of them in my life.)

And it was just so honest with myself I guess.
I don't even know. I think I'll understand why it meant something to me but later on.
For now I'm pleased with how it went, since I was stressing about it last night to E. And it was great!

And now I'm playing a great game (http://wellgames.com/free_online/fitz/). I love this thing.
Just had a carrot, and might make some tea.
First rehearsal for the tour tomorrow.
Exciting times, and good times, and most of all, interesting times.

Wintertime.
M.