wednesday

Bye bye, Wednesday!

Hello, Thursday.

I'm watching this brilliant BBC documentary called The Code.

It's all up on YouTube and if you have some time you should most definitely check it out.

Really really awesome.

I love it when the "serious" things are spun so they appear much more tangible.

Like this science theory.

Awesome.

I'm a sucker for shapes and structures.

So very excellent.

Everything follows a path.

Everything.

One thing after another after another after another after another after another after another after another after another after another after another 

Cause and effect.

Cause and effect.

Cause and effect.

Chaos is just cause and effect.

All I'm saying is.

Sometimes we are faced with situations which just are.

And we can do this or do that, some things just are.

All we can do is all we can do.

And the rest will be, or will not be.

Take comfort in the fact that this apparent chaos is just cause and effect.

Let's just drown everything in love and gentleness and kindness.

Let's see how this works.

Keep your thoughts in check.

Love to all of you.

As always.

Yours truly.

M.

I = my life

Let's cut to the chase.

We all consist of parts.

The entity, the individual, we are made up of ingredients.

I seem to frequently F*CKING forget mine.

And this makes me angry.

If you couldn't tell.

My task at hand is this.

Live the life I want.

Simple.

I'm tired of this mindless procrastinating only to find it makes things worse. Of course.

Why not just live the life I truly want.

The only difference between not doing and doing is,.. well....DOING.

That's all.

I'm tired of disliking my life.

I'm tired of disliking.

The inner the outer the flow and speed and action and reaction real and imaginary.

So this is me giving up and giving in, in a way.

Give up, already.

Stop fighting.

And all that then remains is the life I want.

So that I will feel fulfilled and proud and IN MOTION.

Stagnation is death to creativity and creativity is my core.

Do the math.

Books and air and motion and power and heart and passion and juices.

Give.

Up.

Imagine a life I want.

Someone said, "worrying is using your imagination to create things you don't want".

HOW correct is that.

Why ever imagine a future other than exactly the one you want.

Truth is.

I've never known how to do this.

Maybe I did at some point.

But I'm turning 25 in 2 weeks and this is getting ridiculous.

Pure and simple.

Make up my own reality.

Make up my own reality.

Feel like I want to feel.

For realz.

This force could be my greatest drive and engine.

If left undealt with, works like corrosive acid.

I'm free when I can run fast and run far.

Run fast.

And run far.

25.

This feels like a breaking or shifting point.

Finally.

Breaking open.

{I need to buy a kaleidoscope}

Fear is there for me to stare it in its FACE.

With love.

M.

home

I'm home, and watching the new Elementary.

Sherlock and Watson.

Didn't do too much of the to-do list, but I don't care. The new task is to stay calm and Happy as much as possible. 

I mean seriously.

I just can't be bothered.

With this waste of time, this fuss, that doesn't carry me upwards and onwards.

I truly truly tell you, from the bottom of my heart, I cannot be bothered. 

Anymore. 

To stop the positive changes, to slow the current for something useless.

I know too much, I've come too far, and the time I have in this body, on this planet  is far too precious and magical.

So therefore.

I will work towards stopping this crap.

Because I'm bored.

And I truly TRULY appreciate magic.

F*ck this.

Love and light.

M.

home

You can have the home you want.
Even if you're technically not a million miles away from civilisation.
You can still have the life, the atmosphere.

I saw it today.
Went to a rehearsal.
The guitarist who's summerhouse I was at for a while, this August.
And today we had a rehearsal at his house, technically in Tallinn.
But to the quieter, seaside suburb.

And Jesus wept, what a house.
The same atmosphere as in the summer house.

That's what I want.
I'd never seen anything like that.
That sort of atmosphere, not somewhere far far far away.

Magic.


Yours truly.
M.

power

Language is power, and language is sex and seduction.
It's sensual and mysterious, and crystal clear.
Language is intelligence, and keys to locked doors.
And language is the road, and the heritage and the trail back.

Language is age and era, language is decadence.
Language is full, it's dry, and true and false.
Language is rich and poor, it's blood, sweat and magic.

Master language and you'll master magic.

Yours truly.
M.


From a poem by Jeffrey McDaniel.

stupid

Okay, this is ridiculous.
It's time to stop being stupid and focus.

Feeling lonely is boring.
Feeling crappy is boring.

So why be boring.

Like, SERIOUSLY.


DREAMERS
DOERS
BELIEVERS
THINKERS

Visuals.
M.

leave the world behind

This is what I want.
Out of life.
This is what I want out of my existence and time given on this awesome planet.
I want the miracle and wonder.
No steel, no concrete. I don't want the new and I don't want the shiny.
I want open spaces and freedom and love for everything.
I want a little boat and stormy seas.
And I want moss and rain and nature, because that is what Home is like.
I want to swim in cold seas and look at stars and whatever.
Just marvel.

I always get back to this -
I want to marvel.
And I want to share my life with those who want to marvel too.
It's not my job or duty to convince anyone at all that all of this is a miracle.

I want to get my feet wet, travel, and sing.

And I want to give myself what I want and work at living a life like this, with peace and balance and quiet and calm.
Because if we don't give ourselves what we deserve, no one will, ever.
Ever.

And this is a solid piece of advice (and I rarely dish out solid advice) - if you find the little miracles, the friends who wonder and marvel with you, do not and I mean, do not let them slip away. Life is too short and these people do not grow on trees.
Because they are magic.

If the topic is "Things Maria wants to happen", this is top 1 of the list.
No questions asked.

Now please find some headphones or plug in your speakers, and watch this video.

Always.
M.

don't die at 25

“Most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75”

—	Benjamin Franklin

This quote, is so true.
This happens (and happens visibly) so much.
You notice people around you, not growing anymore.
And this is me deciding, I won't do that.
I refuse to be safe, or choose safe.
I refuse to die this young.
This period of time is for choosing brave and showing some frikkin' courage.
I want to keep the trust of a child, for a long long time.
And the courage to go head first.
And to keep looking, for the thing that makes me happiest, in this world.
And believe that true love exists.
And fall in love with everything, all the time, every day, with no questions asked and no boundaries.
And eat ice-cream.
And run around.
Because when did having fun stop being a normality.

I won't die at 25.
I won't die at 35, or 45, or anything-5.

I will carry on developing, and seeing, and seeking.
And marveling.
And wondering and wandering.
And seeing magic everywhere.
Because otherwise there is no point.

With all the love I hold.
M.

kaleidoscope

Yesterday I suddenly remembered how much I loved my kaleidoscope.
Something about it just made everything COOL, and awesome and I don't even know.
For the 5-year-old me it was such a mind-bending view-altering thing, more than a toy.

No, honestly, my love for that thing is boundless.
So now I've decided to find one. And buy one.
And look into it, every, single, day.

It's a tube and some stuff and that's it.
It's so plain and nothing special.
And then BOOYA - mind. blown.

And that's what life is like.
I need to buy one.
Pronto.

Kaleidoscope eyes.
M.

linear lives

I wrote this in August.

The Universe is so giving.
It’s us that choose wrong.
We ask for things we don’t need, or think we want but don’t. Things we might have been conditioned to want, but we want them anyway. And the universe will provide. Of course it will provide, because how could it not. It’s the universe, man.
And then we sulk, and despair, and the rest. But not because fate or whatever is cruel, but because we chose wrong. We asked wrong. Like a fairytale.
We chose wrong.
If you want something enough, you will get it. So how do you know what you actually want?
Or is it like bingo?
You gamble.
Trial and error.

Well this deserves nothing but a big, fat, LOL. Trial and error. That can’t be right, can it?
Hey, mighty universe, I’m just gonna TRY OUT these few things.
Thanks. Wink. 

And now spring is coming.
And I'm home.
And I'm really in a very different place compared to August, which was big big hot mess, let's be honest. Everything just ground to a halt and the mill for some reason stopped turning.
But I am so so balanced where I am now, compared to then.
And for this, I am grateful.

I don't yet know what anything means to be honest, but I'm really learning to like it. And considering the fact I have always been the girl with the plan, I'm proud of that.

Because if I don't yet know what to ask from the Universe, I'm better not going to ask anything at all.

Careful what you wish for.
M.

oh, my darlings

don't fret.
beauty is everywhere.
there are people all over the world who would love to know you, the real you, not the glossed over edited you.
people to lift you, inspire you.
people to raise your pulse, and make you catch your breath.
people to make you see how beautiful everything is, in its peace or in its pain.
people to wonder what your dreams are, as opposed to tell you to let them go.

imagine a lifetime lived like this.
what a wondrous thing it would be.


little miracles - don't chase them away.
don't let other peoples' words break them, or fracture them.
and keep your eyes open for magic.
for the old friend you haven't seen in a while, or someone who passes you who's smiling for no reason, or someone who looks like they are so unreasonably happy that it's almost contagious, or first snow, or last snow, or first flowers, or last flowers.
we walk on ground that lives and breathes, and there's so much awesomeness just around us.

just because someone else has lost the ability to see it, does definitely not mean you have to

with love.
Your.
M.

hej!

I've been pretty slow with posting lately. Life on the roooooad.
Here's what I just wrote, in Stockholm Centralstation. I'm stealing someone's wifi.

Marvel.

All we will ever need is for someone to stop and marvel with us. At the things that make us unreasonably happy, to the point of wanting to cry a little, because stuff is just so indescribably awesome. Not someone who would tell us not to be so over the top, or to grow up. Just find someone to sit with you and not judge you. A companion who would squeal and clap with excitement at the white Lambo passing (if that’s your thing), or love Nutella too much, or stand in a forest, in the cold and dark and just breathe cause it tastes so good in your lungs.
So don’t over-look the magic. Children see it, adults lose it. We don’t want to, but we do. All these responsibilities and commitments. I’m not saying don’t do your job and clean your house or pay your bills, just sometimes take a second and realize how unbearably awesome it is that we are. Just you know, as people. That we exists.
And we have the opportunity to find a job we love, because why wouldn't you want to spend your entire lifetime doing something you absolutely love?
Why wouldn't you want to look at some great paintings, and maybe eat some sausage?
Or just be crazy happy because you have socks?
Or pretend you’re blowing out cigarette smoke when it gets cold enough outside?
Or look at a stranger just because you’re interested?
Or just go for something, like really something?

Kids are awesome.
I think that’s why they annoy me so much. Cause I envy their enthusiasm. Okay, they are actually annoying sometimes, but most of the time it’s just energy, and wonderment, and hunger for adventure and not being so scared all the time of falling.
What are adults so afraid of breaking, all the time?

I’ll give you some context – I was on my way to the Centralstation in Stockholm where my bus is going to leave from, in an hour or so, to Bromma airport. And I have my big suitcase with me, it weighs a lot. And my hand luggage as well, weighs a lot. So I was dragging it around, and my spine was crying and I was tired and blah blah blah. So I finally got to Central and all of a sudden – BOOOYA – there was this little band playing. A double bass, clarinet and a banjo, 3 men, dressed as Santa’s helpers (PÄKAPIKUD! for anyone Estonian). And they were playing all sorts of waltzes that could have been played in any turn-of-the-century Parisian ballroom, and then they played some Charlestons fit for any 1920s speak-easy, flappers and all. And of course, since this is a train/bus station it has such a nice echo-ey acoustic so this whole gigantic station building was just filled with this music.
And you kind of have to just stop and go, OKAY, FINE. This IS magic. Anyone who dares to say otherwise needs to seriously reassess shit, like now.

So here I am. Spending time, with the laptop, and the coffee, smiling at strangers, cause that’s frankly how I roll. Because why not. It’s so snowy and cold outside and smiling costs me nothing. Definitely less than my cappuccino. Caffeine, I mean, why are you so dear to my heart?

Here’s a photo of me and A. being wintery mitten-sluts. The rest of the photos are trapped in my phone, for now.

FIND SOMEONE TO MARVEL WITH.
With love.
M.