to-do

- have a good breakfast

- pretty one and lenses
- food-shop (and band-aids!)

- clean the kitchen
- tidy livingroom
- give the key to dad
- pack clothes and bedding
- pack phone charger, and washing stuff
- take a sewing kit
- pack bikini

- oh, and stop the over-thinking

To-do.
M.

day and night

What
happens
during
the
night?

I don't understand it.
I go to sleep feeling perfectly alright, having been hideously useful during the day, done some concert stuff and so forth. Watched some Brideshead Revisited. Dream of some cool theatre stuff.
And then I wake up.

And somewhere between sleeping, and becoming fully awake, something happens.
And I wake up ..not sad, or anything. Just empty I guess.

And I battle it.
I battle it with music, and melon and more Brideshead and good thoughts.
But I would like to wake up and not have to 'fight' something.

The reason I'm writing about this is because this has happen for a few days now.
And it's just getting very tiring to be honest.

These are the times.
M.

as you are

Come 
as you are.
as you were.
As you want to be.

I don't know and maybe never will know why these words mean so much to me.
Or what they mean exactly.
But hey, maybe I won't know and don't need to know.
Bottomline is they really mean something.
Really mean something to me.

So hey.
Whatever.

Come as you are.
And I will always accept you and not judge you and love you like you are.
Come as you are, as you were.
Come as you want to be.
I don't want you to be anything, I just want you to be.
So come as you are.
And I'll take you in, just the way you want to be.

Come
as
you
are.

Always.
M.

today.

Today.

"Do something today that your future self will thank you for. Take a yoga class. Make a vision board for your dreams. Clean your house. Dance. Forgive someone. Forgive yourself. Go for a swim. Sweat. Stretch. Smile. Pour your heart into everything you do. Love."

And that's all.
Just something.
And then do that tomorrow as well.

With love.
M.

bare bones

I don't like Rihanna's image and I don't like the vast majority of her music.
This, however, is not in that category, at all.
On the contrary.

I threw my hands in the air I said show me something

Something in the way you move.
M.

black and white

AH and her hair.
And I like how comfy it all looks.
She isn't one of my huge favourites but there is just something rather calm that radiates from her.
And the hair is just awesome.

And the cats. I mean, I don't even have anything to add.

Black and white.
M.

grateful

Something happens.

You follow your path. You wake up, go to sleep, wake up, go to sleep.
You go through the steps and the motions. Think your thoughts and do your thing.
Swim and swim, and it's all fine.
You walk the path.
And then something happens.
Suddenly something just happens.
Something happens to you or around you that just flicks a switch.

Something
happens

And then you kind of, notice.
Suddenly you notice the path, the track, the flow, the motions, and the steps.
Then after that you see what's happened.
You see you, on this track, that is not even yours.
You see the steps, that are not even yours.
And then you see, that this you is not even you.

All because something happened.
A little insignificant something that should've been added and drowned in the white noise that is life.

But it doesn't.
It won't fade out. This feeling stays with you.
It won't disappear, because it made you look up and see that this is not your path.
It nudged you off this course, that only you know how you got onto anyway.
It gives you back the greatest gift, the belief that you can do anything.
You can do what you choose. Become what you choose.
It gives you back your fire.
And oh my, it makes you so grateful.

Something
happens.

So have the courage to go again.
Throw the dice, again. Start, again.
Have the courage to tread a new path.
Because it will pay off.
And you will have people to help you and to care about you.
And at the end of this you will be a more balanced, grateful, content version of you.
The you that is strong and not scared and doesn't just dodge. But instead faces things head on, because why not. Because being a frikkin pirate of life is great, and courageous.
And so much better than being like a halfway version of yourself.
Because let's be honest, that can go and suck d*ck.
Be the pirate, be the Beyonce, be the adventurer, the traveller.
The poet, the painter, the dancer, the singer.
The child, the successful business woman.
The linguist, the acrobat.
The warrior and the wolf.

Because, WHY NOT.

The Devil still doesn't play fair.
M.

been a long time

You taste like whiskey when you kiss me, oh
I'd give anything again to be your baby doll


Something about this place.M.

surround

the right people
the power of surrounding yourself with the right people
the right people for you
the people who make you feel something
the people who inspire you
or that you admire, and/or respect
one would be a colossal idiot to underestimate that power

and all those things we'd like to be or do, or even look like, but don't because of outward disapproval, is just bullshit.
there's a line between consideration and bullshit.

inspirational people.
who are my inspirational people?
who inspires me?

if you'd observe your life, as if it's not yours, what would you say to you?
as that person, as that surrounding factor, as an inspiration - what would you say.
what is that advice or the influence that is lacking.
and why not be that for yourself.
external, outward

i am not my mother
i am not my father
i am not my siblings, or my friends
all i am is me, whatever that is
i am me

I don't like being toned-down.
M.


ps. if I'd be that external influence, I'd say not to be scared of making decisions, and being in charge of a decision.
make my own decisions
not float along with other people's decisions, or wait for them to make one.

 

bon

A DIFFERENT LIFE