fresh ink

Happy fresh-ink day, guys!

Happy Tuesday, happy nighttime and happy tattoos. 

Tattoos.

I love tattoos.

I love symbols.

It's magical, the power a symbol can carry.

Especially one with meaning to the carrier.

So here's my fresh ink.

I got the first one for my 20th and now this one for 25.

I want and need this to remind me, every day, that we should never try and control the uncontrollable.

Life flows like it flows. And all we can do is ride the wave, or drown under its mass.

And to help ourselves along, we have the 3 to take care of: body, mind and spirit.

Usually, when you balance your mind and get that peace going, your body will align itself, and as long as you'll feed it well, things are just rolling along. And then the soul or spirit can do its thing.

And THAT'S where freedom lives.

And unless there's freedom, things cannot flow and move and stay in motion.

Ride it, or drown in it - the wave, by fact and definition, stays the same. 

It doesn't change.

It's what You make of it that's different.

And that is Life and how I see it.

And I'm learning balance, and patience, and riding the wave, and letting my soul be in motion.

I'm learning to not hold on quite so tight.

I'm learning to LEARN from whatever comes my way.

And for this reason, my friends, I got a new symbol.

My symbol, my growth, my lessons, and gratitude to everything that comes my way.

Flowing like water.

LOVE.

Ride the wave.

M.

(every day)

how-to noodle

For starters, I'm not posting this to discuss building self-esteem.
So I called it:

"10 Steps to Noodle".

I'm super in love with some of these points.

First of all.
Know yourself.

That is just such an infinite well of inspiration, and excitement.
Something that will never ever run dry.
Just - imagining all the things that I still haven't discovered about myself.
I mean, think about it?
All of the things that my body and mind are capable of, and could be capable of.
Infinite.
All I need to do, all YOU need to do, is just Do.
You cannot be without doing.

Secondly.
Understanding what makes you feel great.

This is absolutely not as easy as it sounds.
Sometimes the true joys and passions are hiding.
Somewhere under the floorboards of your being and your soul.
Again, all the joy in finding out what they really are.

What we really are.

That.
Is.

Magic.

So there you go.
10 steps to Noodle.
I like them.
They are simple and nice, and just positive.
Life-affirming, kindness-affirming.

Lovely.

With love and light.
Yours truly.
M.

in case you're wondering..

..this is what I did 6am on Sunday night. Or morning. Monday morning.
Well whatever you'd call that time, this is what I did.





The reason for this madness was L's birthday.
I did use a wall to help me, but I did it nonetheless.
And I'm super proud.
Truly.
That feeling of accomplishment I got from spending 7 seconds upside-down was just beyond glorious.

Today I've sent The Email, that I had been ignoring for quite some time.
I also plan to send another email (which consists of three), one which I have also been ignoring for quite some time.

I had this realisation last night, walking home. (I guess this is one towards which all my work has been moving.)
And it was just this moment where I understood in some way that all of us Know everything anyway.
(I know this sounds fairly ridiculous, but please, bare with me.)
The truth of the matter is, if we could only shut up these problems, these fears that we're taught, these complexes and the rest of the bullshit, then all that remains is knowledge.
Pure, simple knowledge.
Understanding of our own worth, our path, the "next move".
All the "what I need to do next".

Truth is, we are not born with fear.
Humans are said to be scared of two things, and two things alone (..not clowns):
- Darkness
- and Falling

So the rest of the crap just happens.
The "Life-happens" syndrome, as I've come to call it.

Unless we ask for what we want, we won't get it.
Unless we know ourselves, we won't know what to want (..on the soul-level. I'm not talking new shoes.)
Unless we accept ourselves, we won't know ourselves.

So forget what the first grade bully said, or the ex-boyfriend, or that one friend, or your aunt who thinks she has All the Answers, or your dad that one time when he was angry, or your mum who's scared of new things, or the friend who wants something else than you, or the society, or some book or another.

Because no-one knows You, like you know You.

And the fear, it's not yours.

Yours truly.
M.

paradise lost

Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.
Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.
Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.
Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.
Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.
Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.

Mantra.

I must not forget this.
Because everything that's happening at the moment is absolutely and I mean ABSOLUTELY following this pattern.

Everything.

Like, e-v'ry-thing.

"The things that are not right simply will not remain in your life. The Universe will not give them the chance."

So they will simply

....disappear.
Into nothing.

And that is good, in the end.
Just bare with Pluto till it's finished doing its thing.

And so just let them go.
This is the physicalisation of my "don't play god" project.
Just let these things go. Don't fight the ebb and flow.
Because we don't know anything anyway.
Trust life, trust the Universe.
Don't play god.
It's cocky and stupid.

And even if it's the very-very things that we want to keep so much and just breathe them in and press them against our cheek and our body, so tight, we cannot.
We can't keep those things.
If they go, they go.

Universe knows better.

It really, truly does.

So may we have the faith and belief and trust to go with it.

Peace and love, kids, peace and love.
M.

don't i know it

His voice.

End up where you really belong.
M.

as you are

Come 
as you are.
as you were.
As you want to be.

I don't know and maybe never will know why these words mean so much to me.
Or what they mean exactly.
But hey, maybe I won't know and don't need to know.
Bottomline is they really mean something.
Really mean something to me.

So hey.
Whatever.

Come as you are.
And I will always accept you and not judge you and love you like you are.
Come as you are, as you were.
Come as you want to be.
I don't want you to be anything, I just want you to be.
So come as you are.
And I'll take you in, just the way you want to be.

Come
as
you
are.

Always.
M.

without

Since I'm literally going through a phase of not knowing what I want to do with my life, I'm looking for all-sorts of ideas to get me going, in any direction.
Or you know, to zhuzh me.

So.
I think I might go for "things I could not imagine not doing in my life".
I think that would make for a good list.

With or without.
M.

eesti

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY COUNTRY.

Roots, roots, roots.
Thank you, universe, for roots, that keep us grounded and in touch with the core of all that matters. To know where to return and to know where to go to charge your batteries.

For the soil, the sea, the culture.

Palju õnne, Eesti.

Home.
M.

short fuse

Well, well.
I got really pissed off today. Just because (STILL) so, so much is up in the air. (Through this packing process I've realised that I'm such a control freak with some weird things. Like I'm currently frustrated out of my eyeballs because I can't book my flight.)
And like, ugh, whatever.
So, I decided to apply a lot of make-up and do my hair just for the purposes of packing.
And for the purposes of not feeling like a forlorn sock (which, A. can vouch for this, is my all-time least favourite feeling).
Then I played some loud music (from the playlist GO) and burnt some lavender incense.
And calmed the f*ck down.

And I'm gonna carry on packing.

But before I do this I'm gonna give myself a little point an a pat on shoulder (can't reach my own back too well) for catching my friend, anger, by it's tiny little vicious tail and dealing with it.
So, there you go, self, I'm giving you a point!

Ride the wave.
M.

balance

Anger fascinates me.
It just. I don't really know where it comes from or where it wants to go, or what's the purpose or how to get rid of it.
It's tiring, and I'd like to be without.

Dear Anger,
Go away. For good.

Thanks.
With love.
Maria.

nighttime

scattered
scattered
scattered
scattered
scattere
scatter
scatt
scat
sca
sc
s


to be loved like that



how can a gap feel bigger than ME?
my chest is too full
(like the ribcage part of the torso)
just too full


there was so much pain, not pain pain
all new kind.



and what if, you know?
like you feel or see something, should you make someone else see it too?
or leave it?

i wanna ask you



and how much of it can there be, really?


not a clue
m.

lemme know

So let me know when you're lonely baby