the self

So the thing is.
Most of us grow up and end up compensating for some unfulfilled need or desire throughout our adult life.

The majority of what's missing can be summed up, I think, as an unbalanced relationship with the understanding of our own value, or something that is also known as "self-love".
I've found that people very often have an almost defensive reaction when someone mentions the notion of loving ourselves.
As if it's wrong, or faulty.
As if we shouldn't.

The truth is we need it.
I mean, it's just the way it is.
If we don't respect ourselves, no one else will.
Without loving ourselves, the chances of finding someone who truly loves us are slim.
Truly slim.
I've yet to meet someone who would prove me wrong on this one.
(If you do know someone, please tell me the story. I would love-love to know.)

So.
For those who don't speak Estonian, I'm truly sorry for the lack of translating.

But the bottomline is.
Compare yourself to yourself, the rest is empty and meaningless.

Build yourself stronger, because if we're honest, it's the only place we will ever find refuge.

Yours truly.
M.


These are taken and edited from www.alkeemia.ee 

Piisavas enesearmastuses elav inimene:

•    adekvaatne enesehinnang
•    ennast väärtustav
•    on võtnud 100%vastutuse oma elu eest
•    usub enda võimetesse ja vajalikkusesse
•    langetab otsuseid armastuse, usalduse ja rahu pinnalt
•    maailma suhtes avatud meeltega
•    tunnetab oma tegevuse väärtust ise
•    vaimselt ja füüsiliselt terve, positiivsust kiirgav, energiat andev
•    tunnetab armastust endas ja kiirgab seda
•    on ennast kehtestav
•    on orienteeritud koostööle
•    tajub ressursside paljusust ja tõmbab enda ellu kõik vajaliku

Kui olete seda tüüpi, et teil on just raske asju lõpule viia, siis loobuge meelelahutusest seni, kuni teete asja lõpuni-esitate ära-annate üle ja teadvustage eneses see tunne, kui saite tehtu valmis enne tähtaega, õigeks ajaks või saite positiivse tagasiside osaliseks.

Hakake end võrdlema endaga mitte teistega.
Kas te olete täna armastavam, hellem, mõistvam kui olite aasta tagasi?
Kas mõistate oma sõnade, tegude, suhtumise tagajärgi endale ja teistele täna selgemalt kui aasta tagasi?

Kas teete iga päev midagi väikest, mis näitab, et oskate ennast hoida – leiate aega korralikuks lõunaks, sööte tervislikku toitu, kannate õiget rõivastenumbrit ja teile sobivat stiili, kas väljendate nii oma sõnas kui mõttes tänulikkust selle kõige eest, mis Teie elus täna võrreldes eilsega paremini on?

Kui hakkate tegelema teiste inimeste asemel endaga, võite märgata peatselt kolme olulist muutust –
- teie enesetunne hakkab tõusma
- teie tervis muutub paremaks
- teie suhete kvaliteet muutub rahuldustpakkuvamaks.

See kõik tekib hetkest, mil te otsustate, et Teie ise olete oma elu peaosas, võimeline selle kõiki aspekte soovi korral muutma ning õpite nautima oma elu ilusaks loomise vastutust, millega kaasenevad suurenenud vabaduse-, õnne- ja rahutunne.

growing pains

"No"vember is nearly finished.
And it's been a good month. A good month of many more to come.
I like the fact that it doesn't feel like a month just wasted, or time gone by. Because I find that so frustrating.
And I think the ball's rolling down the right slope. Scary, but exciting.
Like, unraveling, but then realising it's actually fine.

This is so tricky to write down, cause all of this is just so vague, and huge, you know?


So.
Growing pains.
It's not meant to be nice.
When do people stop growing?
I posted, a while ago, just this idea - when do people get too old to get lost.
Or like, when do people cross this barrier into adulthood that means no mistakes, no learning, no nothing. No growing.
Just nothing. Just repetition. Repetition of the same patterns, and same actions, and words, and people, and places. The same routine, and the same habits. The same signposts, and roads, and nooks and crannies, and no wonder, no surprise, no gawking at the miracle of life or staring into space thinking how is anything this wonderful. No chances and no fear.
Children are allowed to go through growing pains. You grow. It's what's meant to happen. Your bones, your teeth, your limbs, your lungs, your rib cage, your spine, your lips, your tongue, your fingers. Everything is stretched and distorted, beyond recognition.
The inconvenience of growing. Growing pains. But at the end of it, you're you.
When do we stop growing. Should we stop growing. Or is it just the fear of another set of growing pains? And then another?
People say you can't change. You don't need to. Just evolve. And let others evolve too.
Why should learning and shifting stop?

Growing pains. They indicate that something big is happening. Not that anyone's dying.
Just that big stuff is going down.

Embrace growing pains.
If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't affect you.
Wouldn't it be boring to stop growing in the early 20s? That you race down this highway of frikkin rainbows, and unicorns, and miracles upon miracles and then just stop?
How much more is there to find and discover?
Of course, this is not something that anyone has to do. It's something a lot of people don't want to do, which is fine. All of this is fine. Plenty of people are happy being comfortable, because comfort is nice, and this is logical and if it feels right, it feels right.
All I'm saying is, if it doesn't feel right, it's not right. It's not that you "are not made for this", or you are not "made" for big things, or the little things, or happiness, or sadness, or love, or adventures, or being happy in your skin, or being on someone else's skin. It's that you aren't there yet. But if you ask the right question, the answer always comes.
So many people get scared. I'm one of them. The front-runner of the Fear Regiment. Seriously. But so what? All of this is scary.
But I won't be one of the people who just stops.
Life's too short, and the world's too interesting.
And there will always be people in your life to give you something for your gums, or then pick you up when gravity doesn't aid your attempt at walking, or help you when you feel dizzy cause your blood circulation can't keep up with your body, or when you're changing so fast, you don't really know what to cling on to.
But there will always be people.

If you're honest, you will always find someone to tie you up.
Or in this case, if you're honest, you will always find someone to listen to you moan about the growing pains.

Because truth be told - it's fucking cool.
M.




“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

—	F. Scott Fitzgerald