see

got soul?

This is a post about soul.

If we're honest, our soul is all we have.

I gave an interview today.

It gave me some interesting insight about my very self as well.

Or at least where I am, in this life.

Things are shifting.

Everywhere, all the time.

Protect your soul.

With love.

M.

the self

So the thing is.
Most of us grow up and end up compensating for some unfulfilled need or desire throughout our adult life.

The majority of what's missing can be summed up, I think, as an unbalanced relationship with the understanding of our own value, or something that is also known as "self-love".
I've found that people very often have an almost defensive reaction when someone mentions the notion of loving ourselves.
As if it's wrong, or faulty.
As if we shouldn't.

The truth is we need it.
I mean, it's just the way it is.
If we don't respect ourselves, no one else will.
Without loving ourselves, the chances of finding someone who truly loves us are slim.
Truly slim.
I've yet to meet someone who would prove me wrong on this one.
(If you do know someone, please tell me the story. I would love-love to know.)

So.
For those who don't speak Estonian, I'm truly sorry for the lack of translating.

But the bottomline is.
Compare yourself to yourself, the rest is empty and meaningless.

Build yourself stronger, because if we're honest, it's the only place we will ever find refuge.

Yours truly.
M.


These are taken and edited from www.alkeemia.ee 

Piisavas enesearmastuses elav inimene:

•    adekvaatne enesehinnang
•    ennast väärtustav
•    on võtnud 100%vastutuse oma elu eest
•    usub enda võimetesse ja vajalikkusesse
•    langetab otsuseid armastuse, usalduse ja rahu pinnalt
•    maailma suhtes avatud meeltega
•    tunnetab oma tegevuse väärtust ise
•    vaimselt ja füüsiliselt terve, positiivsust kiirgav, energiat andev
•    tunnetab armastust endas ja kiirgab seda
•    on ennast kehtestav
•    on orienteeritud koostööle
•    tajub ressursside paljusust ja tõmbab enda ellu kõik vajaliku

Kui olete seda tüüpi, et teil on just raske asju lõpule viia, siis loobuge meelelahutusest seni, kuni teete asja lõpuni-esitate ära-annate üle ja teadvustage eneses see tunne, kui saite tehtu valmis enne tähtaega, õigeks ajaks või saite positiivse tagasiside osaliseks.

Hakake end võrdlema endaga mitte teistega.
Kas te olete täna armastavam, hellem, mõistvam kui olite aasta tagasi?
Kas mõistate oma sõnade, tegude, suhtumise tagajärgi endale ja teistele täna selgemalt kui aasta tagasi?

Kas teete iga päev midagi väikest, mis näitab, et oskate ennast hoida – leiate aega korralikuks lõunaks, sööte tervislikku toitu, kannate õiget rõivastenumbrit ja teile sobivat stiili, kas väljendate nii oma sõnas kui mõttes tänulikkust selle kõige eest, mis Teie elus täna võrreldes eilsega paremini on?

Kui hakkate tegelema teiste inimeste asemel endaga, võite märgata peatselt kolme olulist muutust –
- teie enesetunne hakkab tõusma
- teie tervis muutub paremaks
- teie suhete kvaliteet muutub rahuldustpakkuvamaks.

See kõik tekib hetkest, mil te otsustate, et Teie ise olete oma elu peaosas, võimeline selle kõiki aspekte soovi korral muutma ning õpite nautima oma elu ilusaks loomise vastutust, millega kaasenevad suurenenud vabaduse-, õnne- ja rahutunne.

motherf_

This
SONG

YES
DEAN
GO
DEAN
THANKS

Beat of my Wednesday.
M.

this

THIS
SONG

This serves as a reminder: I want/need to get my next tattoo done.

With love.
M.

phantom

And they arrived.

The "Phantom of the Opera" audition music is in my inbox and I'm literally DYING. Like, DYING.
With excitement and I don't even know what!?

Total
oh
em
gee


I will write more about this later.
For now, I'm just gonna repeat.

OH
EM
GEE

And A's arriving tomorrow morning.
And I just finished a loooad of macarons with dad+Mrs.

OH

EM

GEE



Devil doesn't play fair. 
M.


Like I'm going to diiiiieee with excitemeeenntnttttntntntnnntntnt. (Hello, audition! Thine ass will be kicked. Please, wish me steady nerves and the rest!)

pai

strong

One word to describe your body.
"Strong."

Yes, thank you.

Strong.
M.

brute force

Rise of the Guardians (2012)

GOOD FUN, GUYS!
Saw this yesterday with my nephew, and it was the 3D showing which I usually ignore. Most movies are just better in 2D.
BUT. Firstly, you could tell this was conceived with 3D in mind, which makes a huge difference. It had some stunning 3D moments. And the whole thing is really a Disneyland-joyride so 3D suits it fine.
It was dubbed into Estonian, but quite well done.
And it had a nice heartwarming point to it! Fit for all adults as well - "Don't forget to play, y'all."So all in all, this was great!

Sandman was my fave.
M.

one of those

one of those days when little things are like, SO annoying.
like, someone's stuff on the banister that keeps falling down
or like, the shower being just not hot enough
or like, someone else's music being too loud
or just like, everything you know
little things

ugh

confession.
all this is powered by the fact that i want to go home.
or rather, home via Stockholm, ya know.

Cause this time it's still Chaos and Mayhem, but Chaos and Mayhem Christmastide Special.
Different vibez.
Some actual c+m combo might happen, but it's not the emphasis.

MYSA IS.
M.

5am

Three cheers for A. for the present!

Also.
I read an article written by this female discussing all the ways she would hate the protagonist in this if he were a real character. I know a lot of people don't like it, the novel, or the character, or whatever.
But I mean.. Isn't this the case with most. books. in the world, ever?
So you don't like it, don't read it.
I'm having a great time, thanks.

Whatever.
Gimme a helicopter ride, a spanking room, and tousled hair and I mean - I'm game?


50 shades.
M.

Alex Clare

Hummingbird.

Hovering-hovering.

It's marvellous. And I mean, like marvellous-marvellous. (By "it", I mean this song, and the whole album, with very few exceptions.)
His voice, and the lyrics. And just this atmosphere.
Marvellous. (This one is just for emphasis and good measure.)
And he lives like around the corner from us (this has no relevance...but you know, trivia)

don't fly away
M.

"Here we are, she thought, At the edge of the world, the very edge of western civilization, and all of us are so desperate to feel something, anything, that we keep falling into each other and fucking our way towards the end of days."

(Californication.)

9 good reasons

Saturday morning made me laugh.
I got a trolley bus home from town, at 08.03am, clear as a sunshiny day.
And it made me laugh, so very much. That whole situation.
And I think I giggled the whole way.
I was wearing a hat, and I wasn't cold.

The whole night was meant to end at 2am, when the right person asked me why I'm going the wrong way.
And then the smoky chats about the state of the arts, specific advice how to further my career, suburban slang, who would eat cats or dogs, how to raise your pigs, benefits of working in a gold mine in Australia, what makes an Estonian, lovely kind people, double-straws, wet feet dancing, shouting "SAY MY NAAAME!" whilst dancing with said wet feet, then the bean bag jumping, and the squealing, and the Cosmos, and the leftover Cosmo shots, and the morning, and the "Ich liebe" to Tallinn, and the 7.30am empty bottles to the bins.
This week just gone was incredible.

(Friday. what is that sparkle?
Ps, I promise I don't actually have a facial expression as unpleasant as that. My Dell snapshot central does that to me. And it's slightly hideous.
So for now, for the lack of a better face/expression, my apologies.)

 

And now I made pasta for dinner. I don't make good pasta and this was good.

And I replaced my old phone that just refused to work anymore.
And out of love, the old one is being repaired.
And the new one is nice.
As was the pasta.
So much nice, it's coming out of my ears.

I want to be a man, and I want to be the Count of Monte Cristo.
M.

a dying breed

Autumn in Tallinn. I haven't felt it in 6 years. And I have completely forgotten what it is like.
E. said the other day that it has been gradual. I literally woke up one morning and thought I had been smacked in the face with it.
It hits like a ton of bricks. But not solid bricks. But rather a ton of bricks that feel like a ton of clay mass, that you can't get rid of, or wash off, or anything. It's stuck to me, even when I sleep.
I wake up in the middle of the night, and think I'm cold.
And the worst part is, it makes me feel like I'm dying. Okay, not actually dying. Just the buzz or the excitement that I get during the summer, of just being and doing - I feel that dying.
The only, and I mean, THE ONLY thing I think I find appealing about autumn is the fact that Michael Bublé sounds divine. It just fits autumn. So it gets a point for that.

I like watching people. I was on the divine trolley-bus today, coming into town, and just watching people as the bus passed was so good. I was considering going round the town twice, just to see people.

A dying breed.
But maybe it's always been a dying breed.

These are strange times.
But then again, which times aren't?

I would like to love someone in Paris. In Paris, in an attic room, one autumn. Like in the operas, you know. Artists and attic rooms, and autumn, and leaves, and scarves, and markets, and candles.
I would like to love someone in Paris.
Now that would make an autumn.
M.

my daily entertainment

Strider.

This has become a daily thing that I do.

Apparently, my new thing, is watching Lord of the Rings every night. Not a whole one, not in the right order. Just whatever hour or two from whichever one.
It's really strange, for no other reason than I've never been a fan of it really. And I'm therefore very confused as to why I'm watching the movies every night. And narrating to A. how this dwarf does this or, "NO, BOROMIR", or "the dwarf is running", or "got to love Gollum", or "Let's hunt some orc!", or "Yes, mini man-elf-dwarf union!!", or "ICH LIEBE GANDALF", or "Run, Sam, run!", or "Yes, Aragorn, you prance over that treelog", and so forth, and so forth, and so forth.
I mean. It entertains me largely, but I do find it somewhat bizarre. But whatever because ICH LIEBE GANDALF you know.

Oh, and then I realised I would LOVE to be an elf-queen. So much. If anyone has any tips, please hook me up. Thanks!
M.