clouds

Okay I JUST realised I honestly cannot remember the last time I stared at some clouds and tried to recognise the shapes? You know, that thing?
I love it and I used to do it all the time.
And this might not sound that bad to some of you, but seriously, for me this is wrong.
So wrong.
And this needs to be fixed, pronto.
As soon as the sun comes up, and I see some clouds, I will look at them.
And find all the unicorns and dragons, and mountaintops, and eyeballs, and whatevers.

Cloud-watching.
M.

are you a noun?

Or are you a verb?

Oscar Wilde said that if you know what you want to be, then you inevitably become it - that is your punishment, but if you never know, then you can be anything. There is a truth to that. We are not nouns, we are verbs. I am not a thing - an actor, a writer - I am a person who does things - I write, I act - and I never know what I am going to do next. I think you can be imprisoned if you think of yourself as a noun.
- Stephen Fry

So, therefore - are you a noun, or are you a verb?

I absolutely agree with this.
I said to A. some time ago that I was finding saying "I'm a singer" really very problematic for some reason.

I much prefer.
i sing
i write
i observe
i teach
i dance
i act
i draw

i travel
i adventure
i see
i laugh
i make mayhem
i cut hair

Whatever.

Be verbs.
M.

jenna

"This is just, something." (As described by A. But I really really agree.)

Jenna Marbles is known for her pretty brilliant Youtube channel, where she posts a video every Wednesday, about anything really, anything that she fancies.
She's always absolutely hilarious, and looks so positively full of life.
And this week her video was something very different.

Even if you don't follow her channel on Youtube, and you have 8 minutes, watch this.
I think it's worth a watch.
And a nice idea in itself.

Draw your life.
M.

eyes

I truly wanna squint into the sun.
Eyes almost shut, and so much light coming in.
Light and warmth.

I wanna squint into the sun.

Sense.
M.

sun

There's just this super ghetto looking lot of nothing behind our apartment block.
But it gets real pretty sunsets and sunrises. 

So I'm super pleased they are yet to fill it with all-sorts of buildings, but for now, it just is.

Sunsets.
M.

without

Since I'm literally going through a phase of not knowing what I want to do with my life, I'm looking for all-sorts of ideas to get me going, in any direction.
Or you know, to zhuzh me.

So.
I think I might go for "things I could not imagine not doing in my life".
I think that would make for a good list.

With or without.
M.

today

Today was a good day.

Picked up some music, practised, got out my diary once more (!!!) - it's been dormant for about 3 weeks, had some Vapiano pasta with the pretty one - creamy chicken all around, thought some good thoughts and had a fairly deep and fairly meaningful with A.
And that's how it rolled.

Bring on Wednesday.

Good Tuesday.
M.

The boxes and I, forever in love.

effort?

First of all - welcome to the table, Canada and Italy!
And thank you for reading.

So.
My question is.
Where does our effort go?

That's all.
There's no point in even expanding this.
All I want to ask is, where do we direct our daily effort?

Opportunities.
M.

pascal

This thing. I mean, this chameleon.
Like, seriously.

He is just another level of total, total bad-ass.

Also, just watch "Tangled". It's very good.
No, honestly.
Especially for a new-age Disney. It's very super.
Also, do you not like having a MEGA super braid? Obviously, with flowers in it.

Tangle.
M.

today.

Today.

"Do something today that your future self will thank you for. Take a yoga class. Make a vision board for your dreams. Clean your house. Dance. Forgive someone. Forgive yourself. Go for a swim. Sweat. Stretch. Smile. Pour your heart into everything you do. Love."

And that's all.
Just something.
And then do that tomorrow as well.

With love.
M.

lose

I've been watching Biggest Loser on and off for a long time.
A lot of people don't like it, I get why someone would find it boring, if it's just not their cup of tea. But to passionately not like it, beats me. Calm down.
Whatever.

Point is.
I've watched a lot of it.
First of all, the trainers are heroes. Simple.
Not just because of the workout and nutrition knowledge, but, how they read the people on the Biggest Loser ranch place, how they read them, and work at breaking down their walls, and the walls are high. High, high, high.
I know a few people have tuned in and go, "Oh, I don't like the way they shout at the people" and blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah.
It
is
there
for
a
reason

Seriously.

ANYWAY.
The only reason I'm talking about this is to post some before and afters of the contestants.
This was last season's winner, Danni.



Now then.
A few seasons ago there were these two sisters, Olivia and Hannah.
Hannah had been working towards going to the Olympics as a volleyball player and then had a back injury and it was all over.
So what she did was eat, eat, and do nothing, and pity herself, and she ate some more and just in the middle of all of it just got lost.
This girl was just lost.
And this is where the trainers come in.
This is NOT about dropping the number on the scale! It's just not. They rebuild themselves. The trainers rebuild them. There bodies get so exhausted that their walls break down and they climb out, out of the crap they have decided to surround themselves with. This cold hard layer of "I can't" or "I am too weak" or "I don't know" or whatever. The pity and being the victim. Never being good enough. All of this.
And
they
just
come
out

This is Hannah's before and after. And below her sister Olivia.

When fitness makes you YOU.
M.

magnify

So.
This is going to be simple.

We need to spend more time magnifying our successes.

If we don't, who else will?

The little things that others won't notice.
The things only you know really matter, I mean, really matter, at the very root of your being.
Those things.
And magnify success, not your setbacks.

I mean, why do we do that anyway?
Why wouldn't we magnify the good things? I mean, why?

So the aim of the week, or the month, or the aim of spring, or the whole year, is to magnify it.

MAGNIFY.
M.

desk

i have never ever wanted a desk in my whole life.
in my whole, whole, whole life.

like
where has this come from?

Anyway.
I want a desk, and the clarity, and a pencil pot.
Thanks.

Gimmeadesk.
M.

alone

Over the past few years, I've started doing things by myself.
I guess I've always been cool with playing on my own, but I've started doing it consciously.

I told A. last autumn that I'm scared of being alone and all this crap.
And I think that because of this I've started doing more and more things by myself.
The little things.

Like, Saturday evening I went to see this awesome theatre company, their piece called "Rave", and it was awesome.
And I think it was even more awesome because I was there on my own.
It's just liberating, you know.
You no longer look at yourself through the aspect and lense of your friends, and all that's familiar, but I felt quite free to just Be.

Obviously, there are so many things that need to be shared and should be shared.
Eating for example is one of the things that is only magnified if shared.
Share a meal and it transforms from just putting fuel into your body to a ritual, of people sharing nothing short of love.

But yes.
Doing things on my own.
It just offers up surprising things and new people and twists and turns.
Sometimes it's scary, but it's so worth it.

Expand and explore.
M.

done.

DARK.

It's back.
And I could die with joy, I mean, seriously, die. SO PLEASED.

The welcome-to-the-darkness is BACK.
M.

lights off

And if you can, tonight, then please turn off your lights.
Get some candles.
Think some thoughts, or chat to your friends.
And turn off the lights.

http://www.earthhour.org/

Earth hour.
M.

today

And today my lighter brown hair with ginger ends is going!
I'm going to the Spaniards now to dye some hair. I'll do hers, she'll do mine.

And the ginger ends will be no longer.
Not till summer at least.
I need some contrast around my face.

Somehow this makes me feel like I'm battling the elongated winter better.
We shall see in a few hours - fingers crossed I'll emerge a new warrior lol-cat wolf.

Have a happy Saturday!
M.

noisy

Self-explanatory.

Look at some trees, look at some clouds.
Spring is coming, so ground yourself in whatever makes you feel peaceful.

I'm planning everything on Monday.
And that's my plan for now.

Noisy-noisy.
M.

hair

I'm going to dye my hair.
Prontissimo.

Dark.
M.

shine

Those shadows.

Pink sand.
M.

kaleidoscope

Yesterday I suddenly remembered how much I loved my kaleidoscope.
Something about it just made everything COOL, and awesome and I don't even know.
For the 5-year-old me it was such a mind-bending view-altering thing, more than a toy.

No, honestly, my love for that thing is boundless.
So now I've decided to find one. And buy one.
And look into it, every, single, day.

It's a tube and some stuff and that's it.
It's so plain and nothing special.
And then BOOYA - mind. blown.

And that's what life is like.
I need to buy one.
Pronto.

Kaleidoscope eyes.
M.

balance

Unproductive Friday alert.

I think the thing is that my decisions are finally sinking in.
The fact that I'm here in TLN, that I'm home, and that I have no clue about anything - that is finally sinking in.
And of course rationally I know this is super positive. And super brave.

But on the other hand, I am so used to living my life according to plans and schedules and deadlines and goals. Which is good. But if you start following goals for the sake of following goals things become very hollow.
So no more goals for now. Personal goals yes, career goals, I'm going to calm down. Or have already calmed down.

And so, it is sinking in. This new, completely alien way of being and breathing and thinking. And these things come in waves, as always.
This is the way it always goes.
It gets easier, it gets harder, then it gets easier again, this is the way the cookie crumbles.

But for some reason riding the wave this time is harder than before.

What I really want is to find a place, get away and find peace. Re-find the peace and balance.

But.
Spring is coming.
And with spring comes the ideal time to melt. And melting is hard.
So I will keep my eyes on the prize and I will keep my belief that things will get better.
Because that is all anyone can do, ever.

I hope you're peaceful and balanced and having a lovely sunny Friday.

Melt.
M.

taste

The taste that your lips allow.

What a funny life.
M.

thursday

Today is going to be a good day.
And tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And Saturday is going to be a good day.
And Sunday is going to be a good day.

So these are my weekend plans in a nutshell.
Simple, huh?

And to celebrate Thursday, I shall post a photo of a beautiful white space, someone doing yoga and a puppy.
(By the way - I will absolutely learn how to do a handstand. This is fact. I just need patience. Keyword: PATIENCE.)

No but seriously - E and I lined up our plans earlier, and all-good everywhere.
Today I'm going for coffee with a friend in this super cozy cafe in the Old Town in TLN. And it's sunny outside. Then to dad's for boardgames.
Tomorrow I'm staying over at the pretty one's. Saturday is party night.
And I plan to use my new gym-membership (....yesssssssssssssssssssssss............) for some running and sauna time.

Just
peaceful
times
continuing

I hope you're all having a kick-ass Thursday.

Stay peaceful.
M.

midnight cat

And before I fall asleep, a little midnight cat to you.

Midnight cat.M.

simple things

My life currently seems to revolve around my actual burning desire for simple things.

...
I can't even say anything else, because there simply isn't anything to add.
It is just as simple as that.
My life
revolving
around
that
one
wish

I CRAVE SIMPLE THINGS.

A wish for simple things.
An actual yearning.
No, like, a genuine yearning, like, it feels like I might pass out from wanting simple things.
A yearning for spring.
For peace, and balance, and nature.
And trees.
And tea, and warmth.
And the arrival of spring.

It's weird how simplifying our lives has become something seemingly "hard", or "difficult".
That the norm is non-simplicity, for so many of us.
Including me.

https://soundcloud.com/tenderlovingempire/sets/y-la-bamba-oh-february
Listen to Y la bamba, cause spring is coming, and it sounds a little like snow melt waters.

I need simple things.
I will give myself simple things.

Be simple, my darlings.

Universe.
M.

hey guys

Today is Nanny-day!
My nephew is getting here soon and my desire to be an awesome auntie always kicks in.
I don't know what we're going to do yet, but I sure know he's gonna have fun!

Also, any day when it appears that I have a lot of hair on my head is automatically a good day.

And so, I'm gonna turn the Nanny wheel and see what I come up with.
And I started some interesting drafts late last night which I plan to finish today.

PS, had a very unexpected dream. You know when someone arrives in your dream and you wake up in the morning going "WHERE did you come from?" But it was a nice dream so no harm done.

With love.
M.

TRT

I'm back! Again. My second return in a week, or something.

Tartu was super.
It's our university town in the south of Estonia.
I stayed with some old suuupper friends, and it was so lovely I could almost die.
Both nights revolved around food, tea, food, tea, and chats, more tea and lots more chats, and boardgames. In short, an ideal combo!

It's strange how you have some people with whom it simply doesn't matter when you saw them last, or where or why or whatever, point is, you gel, immediately.
And it's one of the basic fundamental joys of the human life I think. Or at least, I regard it extremely highly.

And so I'm back in the capital, where it's warmer and less snowy.
I got the 7:46am train back with K. which meant a 6:45am wake-up, and now I feel almost like I've never had any sleep ever.
But seriously, this was a super duper 2-night break. So much delicious food, and lots of good atmosphere.
Also, shoutout to "Jane" for being a wonderful-wonderful hostess lady person! (Pingviiiiiniiiiid)

And now my cat is licking his little cat balls in a patch of spring sunshine. (...Too poetic not to share, sorry!)

Now it's tea-time and food time, and then I'm going to the gym, to run on a sunny treadmill and pretend it's warm enough to do that outside.
And lift my weights, like a machine.

Happy Tuesday, guys!

Go, adventure.
M.

Central-Estonia on the bus journey to TRT and snow, snow, snow. Happy mid-March!

Groceries in the bike basket. Simple things

Evening walk last night in the freezing cold. I really liked the lighting on the bridge

Light work, "Snake". Fine by me

Morning train! Hello, TLN.