faith

Time to work on another old draft.
From some time in October last year, I think.


On life’s journey, faith is nourishment.
Virtuous deeds are shelter.
Wisdom is the light by day,
And right mindfulness protection by night.

Faith is an interesting one you know.
Faith in what?
What do we have faith in?

I once had a conversation in which I said I have faith in Love.
Love as the force of Universe.
The positive, creative force.

I remember this conversation actually.

And I still stand by this.

And also, we need to have faith in ourselves.

So much faith.

In what we're doing, in what we want, in how we see the world.

Faith. 

A strong force, at the same time, empty.

It's the potent void. 

Kinda magical.

Oh I don't know.

All I know is that we need it.

Faith as a thing, as an emotional capability.

And we can also have faith in each other.

My thoughts are scattered, but I'm getting somewhere, in general.

I want to have faith in Life and the Universe, always.

I don't ever want to lose faith in myself.

And I want to keep having faith in those around me.

I'm seeing some of the holes in my being that still need to be filled.

Some things have gone unnoticed and we need people to point them out in the most unexpected ways.

I have faith in analysis.

Finding the new pathways.

All change is scary, at least to me it is.

So having faith in something gives me some stability, gives me a sense that the wheel will keep turning, that some processes carry on, always.

We must keep our pack.

They are worth their weight in..I don't know, something far better than gold.

Our pack will help us See Clear, lick our wounds when necessary and let us sleep for a while by the fire as the rest keep guard at night.

And when you wake up, the pack will still be there, steady as the sun and moon.

Keep your pack, keep your head, keep your heart.

And take excellent care of yourself.

Because I mean very very bluntly put - if you won't, why in the name of the 7 seas would anyone else on the entire planet?

So therefore, lady up, and do it.

Show the rest of the universal system how to do it, how to Love you, how to Care for you, how to Give you what you need.

Give yourself nurture, body and mind, and feed yourself well, and sleep, and move, and educate and inspire yourself.

I'm still only halfway to learning how to do this, really.

Losing yourself in another person is ridiculous. 

There, I've said it.

Now all there is to do is to love (and live) by it, for life.

All any Tree needs is good and stable soil, space, warmth of the sun.

Life is like that. 

It is idiotic to go looking for some magical wisdom from any further than that.

Look at a tree and Think for a moment.

Let it sink in what you see and it's crazy how much the external world teaches us.

It's hard to stay blind to it here, in Estonia.

The weather does what it wants, we just run, panting, after it.

Trying to keep up, like chasing a young hotheaded mistress.

The Life/Death/Life cycle so clear on display it's almost funny.

The year of the Horse began today.

Happy Horse!

It's said that things get terribly pacy when the horse is in motion.

So apparently those who know how to plan their time have "won" already, even before the bell is rung for round 1. 

I plan to keep this in mind.

And so, good night, darlings!

I am going to sleep, dream well, and then wake up happy.

I like this thought.

Love, as always, to you all!!!

Yours truly.

M.

for you

I just want to thank you, from my heart and soul to yours, for somehow reminding me who I actually am, and more importantly, how much it's worth.

Maybe at some point in this life I'll somehow be able to show you how much that truly means.
And how much love I have for you.
I once said it's the greatest gift anyone can give another person.

I am good just the way I am.
I am worth loving just the way I am.


I sometimes used to forget.

But now I don't want to anymore.
I don't ever want to stop seeing what you saw.
And, I think, what you still see.

Maria

tour over

Hello, kitkats!

So.

Finished the tour. 

And now we're onto Bigger Things.

So. 

I'm making a plan.

That's what's happening.

I will elaborate more, soon, and write something more interesting.

But I can say.

That, accept the good you're given.

Don't get scared.

Fear is an illusion, to quote the other Pisces to my own Pisces.

Fear is just there to mark the beginning of the Interesting Zone.

You get what you give.

Life is most definitely not happening to you - life is responding to you.

So think twice before you mess with your own karma.

Think kind, act kind and accept the Kind you're given in return.

This is what I believe in and what I try to live by every day.

With love.

Yours truly.

M.

time for business

So.

This is the scariest feeling I've ever felt in my life.
I think.

And I said once, I want a heart that never hardens.


So all we can do, is co-exist and co-inspire
And make sure we don't waste
Waste our time
Waste our talent
Waste our breath
Waste our sunrises and sunsets
And waste our joy
Because life is hard enough for us not to corrupt ourselves
So get on a swing
Laugh too loud
And delight in the ridiculous
Find someone to marvel with
Because everything is too serious anyway
Too serious and too sad
And too tragic
And too unfair and unjust
So keep hold of your own joy
Make sure you keep your shine
Be kind to yourself
And let others live through their own mistakes

And then.
Just like "something happens".
Something arrives.
Something arrives your way, something wondrous.
Something extraordinary is given to you.
It's like.
You are walking a road.
And when something happens - it kind of, disrupts your road.
It's like an earthquake.
But when "something arrives", it just.. arrives.
Slow and lovely and kind and WONDERFUL.
And natural.
That it just makes sense.
Like breathing.
And ... let's say you're breathing, yourself, for the first time in your life.
Just imagine, right?
That there's been these machines, for example.
Breathing, for you.
And then, all of a sudden, you breathe.

All by yourself.
You just breathe.
In, and out.
And it's fresh and divine and raw and Right, and it just makes sense.

But how do you trust your own lungs?
How do you get used to the idea, of your own breath, soft and secure?

I think Love is like that.
That you, just, you just .. it just is.
No effort. There is no effort.
Trust in your own heart beat.
Trust that you will keep standing up.
Trust your lungs, trust the air.
Trust life, and trust Love.

Trust Love.
Surrender to hope, and the faith, and the love.

And making love through seeing love, above and below.


Love is what we all are.

It's so natural.

We just need to tame a few steps back, mend our bones and take the jump.

We are Love.

And this is all I know right now.

Yours truly.

M.

tln

And so I'm officially back in Tallinn!

And writing on my laptop. Gosh, it's been so long!

So.
Happy Monday evening, everyone!

The three first concerts have gone extremely well.
Full houses and crazy great audiences.
And the program is so good, I absolutely love doing it.

Now I have 5 days till we have the next 3 concerts (2 on Saturday, one on Sunday) and then we're done!
It'll be so so sad!
I'll miss this bunch of people.
It has already been such a learning experience.

Seriously.
Life makes my head spin.
In the most wonderful way.
But I feel a little like a 5 year old who is spinning just a little too fast.
This feeling of great joy, and a little bit of fear, at toppling over.
But I guess even if my head starts to spin too much, and I do topple over, I will have people to gimme a hand, help me off the ground, and laugh it off.
So again, I always get back to this one point.
Fear is human.
Fear is natural.

Happy 3AM, everyone.
I've got too many thoughts.
Love to all of you.

Yours truly.
M.

LIFE MOMENT

So.

The other day in rehearsal.

I had a proper life moment.

I love having moments of clear realization or understanding about things.

And my thing at hand was my voice.

Point is.

We've had two concerts now, and it's UH-MAZING.

Seriously.

It's going so well.

I can't even.

Crazy.

So now I'm back in my room, I'm staying in the theatres quarters, watching National Treasure 2. 

I have some lemonade and a KitKat.

This concert is so cool.

It's just an incredible program and I love the people and just yep.

I am one happy cat.

Seriously.

Happy birthday, to everyone.

And good night.

I love you all.

Yours truly.

M.

night

Hey, guys!

I'm still up and it's nearly 3:30.

Mum came back from seeing Santa with my nephew and was giving me all the Lapland news.

It's nearly time for my next tour, we kick off on Friday and have 6 dates.

We're not rehearsing in the capital so tomorrow I leave for Tartu, which is in southern Estonia.

We have a pianist rehearsal tomorrow and then two orchestra rehearsals on Thursday. So sweet!

I haven't done anything with a big orchestra in so long, so I'm super psyched for this.

It's got some tricky bits in the program but let's do it!!

Tomorrow before we leave for Tartu, I need to pack, print all the lyrics, stick some crap in the washing machine, ring my hair dresser and eat lots of pasta, just for banter really.

For now, I'm trying to get sleepy.

Adrenaline overhaul.

Peace and love, darlings.

Be safe.

Yours truly.

M.

tao

Love
Embracing Tao, you become embraced.
Supple, breathing gently, you become reborn.
Clearing your vision, you become clear.
Nurturing your beloved, you become impartial.
Opening your heart, you become accepted.
Accepting the World, you embrace Tao.
Bearing and nurturing,
Creating but not owning,
Giving without demanding,
Controlling without authority,
This is love.” 
~Lao Tzu, The Teachings of Lao-Tzu: The Tao-Te Ching

Yours truly.

M.

giving life

I'm working through my old drafts.
And this one I wrote in May.

I guess there was always gonna come a time for these thoughts.

I've always lived a very career-driven life.
If life would've been a little different somehow, family would've been the thing to drive me.
It was just such an unexpected feeling.

**
..And it was good for me to finally say it out loud, that I want a family, I want children and that I want to be a mother.

And then one of my Ones got pregnant, which literally shifted so many things.

So.
All I'm saying is, I think giving life is a wonderful thing.
A wonderful potential spinning at the very core of all things.
A wonderful space, a potent void for SOMETHING, you know.
Something where there was nothing.
So therefore we can never really run out of hope, I think.

Magic.
That is actual magic.

(I'm just going to carry on browsing my old post drafts.)

Be kind.
With love.M.

An illustration from a book of songs.

gun

i'll be the smoothest thing to touch your skin

Emiliana Torrini and Gun.

Musique.M.

dreams

We don't need to know what we're good at to dream.
Maybe these crazy dreams we get every now and then are there to show us what we would be good at.
If we'd just give ourselves a chance.

Maybe that's what the dreams are for.

Take them seriously.
I mean, we gotta for it to work, you know?

Goethe on öelnud: "Sel hetkel, kui inimene ennast millelegi täielikult pühendab, tuleb appi ka Ettemääratus. Juhtuvad kõiksugu asjad, mis muidu poleks juhtunud, terve sündmuste vool, mis toob inimeseni kõik ettenägematud juhtumid, kohtumised ja abi, millest poleks osanud unistadagi." - See more at: http://alkeemia.ee/artiklid/Unistamisest/l-5/c-1280/#sthash.LfbzKGEe.dpuf

Goethe has said: The moment when an individual commits themselves to something whole heartedly, predetermination steps into play. Allsorts of things start to happen, that otherwise wouldn't have, a whole flow of events, that brings unforeseen happenings, meetings and help, that one could not have dreamt of.

Goethe.

Yours truly. 

M. 

first

First morning, and first evening.

Let this year unravel.

Exactly two months till I turn 25.

And I have every intention of taking this by the balls.

Let this year bring Light.

Imma sleep now, last night was madness, today was Joy and now I'm just calm.

Good night, darlings.

Yours truly.

01.01.2014

M.