see

fun

The 90s "spunky" (to quote A.) supermodels.

Bring it back.
I just cannot get enough of them and this attitude.
Just a bit more fun, and ballsy, gutsy.
And they don't look like their going to faint and die.
Rather like they're gonna cause some chaos, have stupid adventures.


Let's all be 90s supermodels - have the spunky attitude.
And we really shouldn't care this much.


Seriously.


F-U-N.

With spunky love.
Yours truly.
M.

waves

"If someone doesn't believe in me, I can't believe in them."

I don't know whose quote this is.
But this is the greatest truth.

If someone doesn't believe in me, I do not and will not - no, scrap that - Cannot believe in them.




Bring peace to my waves.
Bring peace.
I weather enough storms on my own.
I must give my Love for peace.
Child of storm, it just comes slowly.
But I must learn.
And I will.



Maria Listra, 35, -...and now fill this gap-
Writer?
Actress?
Anthropologist?
Humanitarian?
Educator?
Poet?
Artist?
Who?

Who.



A perfect stranger gave me a big bunch of flowers today.
And this made me very happy.


I want my ideals and my philosophy to drive my life.
Hand myself over to my soul.
In my heart I am a philosopher, therefore, I should live like one.


I love all of you.
This week, I'm taking everything very slow.
Babysteps.
I have time.



Seek beauty.
In everything.
Do no harm.
Make your heart happy.



So.
YOUR NAME. COMA. YOUR AGE IN SOME TIME. COMA. WHO? WHO? WHO?


Peace, always.
Yours truly.
M.

healing

I have a cold.
And it's bad.
So I'm in bed, drinking tea and trying to get rid of this nose blockage, somehow.

I googled this article about the emotional implications of illnesses.
I strongly believe that the huge huge majority of all kinds of ills we have are brought about through things in our lives, stresses, problems, whatever.
So this is what I found.

COLDS:Too much going on at once. Mental confusion and disorder.
AFFIRMATION:I allow my mind to relax and be at peace. Clarity and harmony are within me and all around me.
And in this instance, it's so right.
Confusion and disorder and so many things.
So here I am, with my cold.
But I plan to kick it out the door soon.

Love to all of you!
I hope you're embracing this spring, hardcore!

Peace.
Yours truly.
M.

exquisite

So the thing, mainly, is - I want my life to be exquisite.

And what I mean by this is that I want flowers, to sometimes see the sea and enjoy the little things.
Enjoy being, have good hair, eat good food.
Sometimes wear a big sunhat and maybe have a glass of wine.
Have a meaningful conversation with a stranger.
And sometimes not-so-meaningful ones with my friends.
I want music and birdsong and Nature.
Tastes and sounds and textures.
An exquisite life has people in it.
And joy in everything.


That's what I want and that's what I mean about an exquisite life.

Poetry, and sunlight, and freedom.

Freedom.
Above all, freedom.
Always.



Also, I have a problem.
I am fully aware that this makes me one of THE most ungrateful assholes ever to have walked the face of the Earth (..too dramatic maybe) but here goes - I hate my voice.
Not the sound of it, having it.
Especially lately.
It feels like, I'm blaming my voice for some things that have happened recently.
I know rationally this is ridiculous, but this keeps swimming to the surface.
This feeling of hatered towards my gift.
I'm too scared to say this out loud so therefore I'll write about this.


This is what is holding me back, this is the feeling that means that I'm holding on tight to my own tail and then wondering why I can't run forward.
This is the thing I keep coming back to.
All my restrain and life-boundary seems to be wrapped up in my voice.
All my freedom lies in it too.

It's so hard to muffle the voices saying it's not enough.
I guess by that way of thinking it will never be enough.

But I don't know how to shut it off.

But I can tell you here and now my friends that this needs to be solved, because if every time I sing it's going to feel like going through a meat grinder I will need to change profession.
And I don't want to do that.

So therefore.
A solution.
Turn off the voices, silence the chorus of disapproval.
I'm too good and too young for this.


My life was different when it was a theatre life.
It was very different.
So this really is all tied to the voice.
But it would be extremely stupid to run from this.

And one thing I have to stay away from is people who fuel any destructive fires.
I've got enough petrol as it is, thank you very much.
I rather need people who are gonna help me get rid of anything and everything flammable.


It's busy, in my head.


I wanna get free.
So I can use what I have been given.






And live my life, the exquisite way I want to.




With love.
Yours truly.
M.

news

ALMOST time for some COOL news!

Almost.


For now, I'm drinking tea, clearing out things, and thinking about cool things that could and should happen in my life.
And spring is coming!
May-June-July.

MAY-JUNE-JULY.

For any of you who don't know, these months in Tallinn are GLORIOUS.


So peace out, my darlings!
Magic is something you make.
Follow your own heart, and s_rew all else.

WITH LOVE.
Always.
M.

life

It's 0:26 right now, I'm in bed watching Twin Peaks, feeling like crap.

My voice is gone.

Why.

God this annoys me.

Something is clearly lurking somewhere and I can't find it.

Something is clearly troubling me, and it's showing in my voice.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Concerts coming soon. 

Where is excitement.

Upwards and onwards.

I do love you all.

With love.

M.

choose

“Choose the positive. You have choice, you are master of your attitude, choose the positive, the constructive. Optimism is a faith that leads to success.”

—

Bruce Lee

understand

So this is what I've been thinking.

All I need, is for my person to understand me philosophically.
All the rest can be overcome and whatever, doesn't really matter.

What I mean by this is - if I have to justify myself or over-explain myself, that is a no go.
If I have to justify why I believe that things WILL be better, and life CAN just go the way I want it to go, if I commit and make a plan and work for it, if someone makes me justify all this - the answer is NO.
If someone wants to question my enthusiasm for the future that I want -  S C R E W    Y O U.


Do not question my faith in a future of my own choosing!

Do not. question. my faith. in a future of my own choosing.
Just. Do. Not.

Therefore - NO.


I'll take my future, I'll take my belief, and faith, and hope, and screw you.
I am a realist.
Just in my world, this does not mean being an asshole pessimist.
It means helping and nourishing my own enthusiasm and the enthusiasm of others.
That TOO is realistic.
So f_ck you.

And THAT, my dears, is what I've been thinking.


With love.
Yours truly.
M.

visuals

Hey, guys!

Happy spring!

I hope it's spring where you are.

Anyway. Life's been a general mumble-jumble for the last few days, so here's a visual catchup for you, instead of a written one.

Short version:

Had a gig on Thursday, then changed the backgrounds on my phone, always a big thing, and now I'm off to the National to practice (a friend of mine works there and she hooked me up with a PRACTICE ROOM). 

Message of the day: Give up.

Really - Give. Up.

We don't know anything, and we cannot control anything.

The sooner you give up, the sooner you can start enjoying life and just seeing where life takes you. 

Have faith in the good to come, but Just. Give. Up.

Stop fighting the current, give up and see where the forces carry you. 

Adventure, right?

Love, forever and always.

Yours truly.

M.

hunger

Forever blood thirsty.


I'd be such an excellent Viking warrior.
Seriously.


Bring back the fight.
With love and fire.
Yours truly.
M.

eclipse

This full Moon and red eclipse situation is such fun....
Literally, today has been crazy!!
The energy is just insaaannne.
But hey, all this Moon drama comes bearing good news and positive changes, so a-okay!
Bring it on, let's do it.
Out with all the old, IN WITH ALL THE NEW.


I want to fall in love with actions, not words.
I want to fall in love with reality, not ideas and wishes.
Reality, not fiction.
ACTIONS, not words!!

Seriously, sometimes I wish I just wrote about everything, names and all just how it is.
I know I won't, but sometimes I would really like to.


So.
I really need to be kinder to myself, respect myself more, love myself better.
This is really a task.
A real real task, a big task.
And this needs a plan.


Out with the old, out with all the old.
Time for ALL the new!

This is what full Moons and especially eclipses are about.
Cleansing, and purifying.
Jamming people into dead-ends so they would have to get rid of the crap.
Claw out.


Red is the colour of love and hate.
Red is the colour of blood and blood is life and death.
All the dualities.


If I could I would put some heads on spears.
Really.
Instead, I'm watching Vikings and thinking of starting Thai boxing on Sunday.
It's been a while coming.


Forever soft, forever strong.


NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Please-thanks.
Yours truly.
M.

belong

This man said something really nice yesterday.


He believes that people are born where they are born for a reason.
And I really like this thought.
I like this thought of our souls being where we are for some reason.
Because we could do something here, or help with something or better something.
I like this idea, of placement.
I really like this.

There's something really beautiful and serene about it.


So I was placed here.
And truth is, there IS a lot I could do here.
And I've always said what I'm most interested in is not people looking at me as I sing and then clapping, but rather making a difference.
Doing something and therefore leaving something behind.
I care about legacy.
And other people, especially young people.


This will not be very water-tight with some of you, and yes, travelling and searching and yearning, I know this too.
But I really, really like him saying it.
It somehow struck some chord or another.


Where do we belong.
What could we do.
Why are we where we are.
With love.
M.

direction(s)

First of all.
Can I just say.
I know most of this makes me sound like an actual psycho, all this emotional instability et cetera.
BUT. It's not like I'm moaning or whatever because I think it's super nice.
This is just a by-product of what happens when a person undergoes some serious changes.
And these changes are positive!
But GOD it's hard sometimes.
Hard and BORING.
But whatever.
I much prefer being what I'm like right now, than what I was like before.
So I'll take the sh*t parts with a big pinch of salt, and on we go.
**

Well, well.
All this just keeps going up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down.


Same with today.
Everything is up and down.


Mid-April.

God, what/such confusion.


I really want something to hold on to in this current madness.
And so I shall hold on to the idea that this will pass, and the seas will most definitely calm down.



Peace and love.
Yours truly, always.
M.



Two photos below.
One from yesterday, one from this TV show from 2010.