dream

Break me out tonight
I wanna see the sun rising anywhere but here
Come with me
Oh, this could be
The only chance we get
We gotta take it
We don't do it now we'll never make it
Lose this crowd
Oh break me out
M.

song

This song actually changed my life. Only heavens above know why. I kid you not, I don't know why I think it ended up holding some sort of special relevance. No idea. Okay, I liked this song immensely at the time of being released and stuff, but still. Wu-Tang Clan? Life-changing?

Well, part of it were the theatrics of the video I guess. And there was something about this track that released the other (infinitely) more amusing side of me. As in - back then all I was or did was this 'child singer' business, which in itself held much work, much fun, but different fun. So by the time the teens hit me hard and this fairly slutty beat arrived in my existence..well. It was the beginning of something so many of my friends have now seen come out on many occasions, when the beats are appropriate.

Wu-Tang Clan, who would have thought.

Back-back, and forth-forth,
M.

perspective

This is like the best thing known to mankind.

I would and could sit in a rehearsal room till I die. It is my ideal atmosphere. Not performances, the rehearsals. The space, the physical space for rehearsals.

There is something unbelievably great about sitting in a rehearsal room. To sit in the space where things are going to happen.
Music or drama or whatever. Theatre, or singing, or writing, or dancing.

 

It is all about perspective, M.

jaanipäev

Jaanipäev.

One of my most most most most beloved nights of the year. I don't even know why really. It must be partly the memories, even though, come to think of it, my festivities have never been too extravagant. So maybe it is something that it does to me, or makes me feel. There's something very satisfying about a tradition that entails fires, everywhere, on one of the longest days of the year. It is saying, declaring we made it through the winter. Saying the very same thing our ancestors said hundreds and hundreds of years ago. Celebrating the summer, and light, and life. And fire. The fire without which we would not be much.
Estonians, I think, understand where they stand in terms of the nature around them pretty well. Not much of this arrogance that there's plenty of elsewhere. So that's why this one night feels special, a celebration of us, the people, living, on these very lands, that give it to us quite rough sometimes. But this one night, even if it rains like the heavens have opened, is worth celebrating.

(This is such a pile of sentimental goo, but that is exactly how it makes me feel. And i love it.)

We made it through the winter. We made it through the dark and cold. Once more. One more year, one more.
Head jaanipäeva.
M.

a restless soul

a restless soul. that's what i have.
M.

adventure

So what is this thing I have with adventures? And adventuring?

Insatiable, for adventure.
Adventure. Adventure. Adventure. Adventure. Adventure. What a strange word, if it's said or written multiple times.

Going somewhere new. Seeing something new. Or doing something unexpected in a place you might know. Or might not. Or getting lost. Or witnessing something new, or extraordinary, in a place which you might or might not know.
So many things count as adventure. Adventurous.
I have never been very adventurous, so this is all pretty new. I think.

No actually, I used to be. As a child. I was adventurous at heart but I never ventured far. I was the kind of Astrid Lindgren adventurer, seeing the great unknown everywhere. So I would find adventure behind every corner, which was nice, I never had to go far.

ADVENTURE, I CRAVE THEE,
M.

procrastination

Procrastination, you will always be my biggest enemy.

I really should be
- writing a list of my tour repertoire
- compiling a selection of songs for this summer course
- packing
- sorting some e-mails

Instead, I am watching football (redeeming feature: it is a good game.) and thinking of procrastination. Why? So many people do this. I think it's absolutely hilarious really, this cycle.

However, I console myself with the fact that tomorrow is also a day (simple pleasures) and that the night is so far from over. So I can still be productive. After the football, she says..

(For the time being however, I shall post some pictures, and then some photos from my travels to Schweiz.)

envy and greed

Envy and greed.

M.

Pam

"Let's go to the ladies room and stare at ourselves in the mirror."

It's just the way she SPEAKS.

True Blood, M.

to nordic or not to nordic?

So, how Nordic are we? And does it really matter?

(I realised I've wanted to post about this for a while now. So this is a post of snippets, all of which have something to do with why I feel Estonians should be regarded more Nordic, rather than Baltic.)
not to be confused with Scandinavia/ns, where we have no claim.

"Estonia has applied for membership in the Nordic Council, referring to its cultural heritage and close linguistic links to Finland, although normally Estonia is regarded as one of the Baltic countries. It is similar to the situation of Finland around 1920s as Finland was considered to be one of the Baltic States as well, as it too had emerged from Russian domination along with the other three countries under similar circumstances. While Finnish and Estonian are Finnic languages, Latvian and Lithuanian are Baltic languages. The Baltic states have shared many events and situations with Scandinavia over the centuries; today the flags of the three countries can often be seen along-side Nordic flags, paralleling recent friendship and cooperation since the fall of the Soviet Union."
"The term Baltic as a concept to group Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia has been criticized, as what the three nations have in common almost wholly derives from shared experiences of occupation, deportation, and oppression; what these countries do not share is a common culture or identity."
So.
I'm really confused as to why I'm so interested in the "Baltic" status of Estonia. It's always felt a little mismatched and I think the sentence above explains it really well - for all that we have to be proud of as a nation, it seems sad that the pigeon-hole where we belong on the map of Europe is based on suffering and loss.


Culturally and linguistically it doesn't take a rocket-scientist to figure out where we stand in relation to other Nordic countries, or to Latvia and Lithuania. The Baltic states - the brave states, the states that did a great thing, the states which stood shoulder-to-shoulder and helped one another gain independence, and so on. And that of course is a bond that will not vanish. A positive bond. A one-of-a-kind. History is too bloody and brutal for such an anomaly to fade away. But to form an exclusive group, a cell of nations based on this?

Of course this whole argument is two-sided. On one hand, it is easy to see the "Baltic" concept as rising from decades of oppression and occupation. On the other hand, the "Baltic" concept is one of independence, and joy, and freedom. Having said that, could we realistically distance ourselves from the suffering that brought with it this liberation however sweet? Or should we stick to it? Or should we look further back, before the rise of the Soviet Union, and go back to the cultural and linguistic ties and follow where they are so overtly leading?

"The Nordic countries are characterised by similar structures of their societies and cultural traits. This results not only from similar environmental realities and thus traditional livelihoods but also from a shared history."The shared history is there. And anyone who has visited Estonia and either one of our Nordic neighbours for example can see or rather sense the similarities.

As right as it feels to honour the events of the last 20-30 years, upholding them to such an extent feels like we're kind of off-track. Of course upholding the Baltic sign is necessary but should it define us? Especially when the rest of our history is calling us home, somewhere else.
The reason why this should be looked at now is because of how young we are as a country. We can always go "back to the roots", but would it not be better to do it now that we are still trying to get our feet firmly on the ground? The pace of development throughout Europe and the world is not showing any signs of slowing down so surely knowing and sensing where one is grounded can only be a good thing. Especially nations as small as us.



So.

Who cares?

Well. It seems politics of this kind do and do not matter. It is somewhat like highschool, or even kindergarden. What you do as an individual isn't really in direct coherence with the group you belong to. You can earn your stars and stripes how you wish, get the grades or not, and be either naughty or nice. The "mass" around you doesn't do that for you. However, the perception of you externally is in direct accordance with the cloud in which you hover, whether we like it or not. Obviously modern day politics are more advanced than schoolyard games and hierarchies. But some emphasis needs to be placed on the people. How do Europeans perceive one country or another? Tourism turns many cogs so therefore the "mass" cannot be dicounted for. And so, what is the difference whether the country in question is a Baltic one or a Nordic one?

The Danish flag, Dannebrog, the Nordic cross, fell from the sky during a battle in Tallinn, Estonia, according to Danish legend. Tallinn - the capital of Estonia - has got its name from two words: "taani" and "linn", meaning "Danish town". Estonia was passed back and forth between Denmark and Sweden until 1721 - almost a third into the 18th century.

"Víkingr frá Estland" - my absolute Viking-heritage dream-come-true. Turns out we were pretty hardcore. There's stories of Estonian Vikings in the Icelandic sagas.
Estonian Viking sailors - Oeselians - used ships with a high prow shaped like a dragon or a snakehead.
The main god of the Oeselians was Tarapita, thought to have strong links with Thor.


Geographically Baltic, Nordic at heart?


If the Gulf wouldn't be there..., M.

none of this

(For starters, I do not like Lewis Carroll, but I like this quote.)


The thing is, none of this has to be complicated.

And that's the problem, isn't it?

Leia meel, M.

schwarzwald

I think this photo sums up mine and A's humongous adventure supremely well.

"It's just a massive forest."
Well, YES, but a forest of massive dark coolness wrapped in witches and spirits and identical winding roads and valleys.
It is so not a forest - it's the Forest. It's the Black Forest.
(which in simple terms is on one hand one of the greatest experiences of my life, and simultaneously the James Bond of forests.)

Schwarzwald,
M.

100

A hundred posts.

A hundred thoughts.
Or just a hundred things.

A hundred posts reaching back to 2008. 4 years and a bit, of life, and people, and meetings and partings, and being reunited, and getting lost, and being happy and being sad, and accidental wet shoes, a hundred chances, and opportunities lost, or seized, a hundred colours and shapes, a hundred things that feel like a hundred years or absolutely nothing else at all than a hundred quick flashes.

But I guess that is the way it goes.

I am happy that in between the lines and in between these hundred posts there are so many things I didn't let go, or didn't miss. I took the chances, sometimes regardless of common sense or better judgement, an have therefore averted regrets. Or at least those which truly matter - the missed moments that absolutely definitely will not come around again.

A hundred.

SADA, M.

june

Where did June come from? I mean, I know where it came from, but I don't. The Month of June. Mental. 

First night of Cendrillon last night, and it went very well, I think. If one gets a shout-out after the curtain call ("Fairy Godmother, i love you!"), it must have been good. And I think I thought it was good. It was focussed. 

And Prince Charming, played by a girl, winked at me right at the very end. And I have 4 different costumes - a WW2 Army pin-up dress, a very cool pyjama combo, a silvery dress and rhinestones glued to my face and a floor-length black Grecian dress. Compared to the one maid outfit of Figaro, I am actually overjoyed. 

Also, the words "magnificently wonderful" from Dame Felicity Lott are just, ... just ridiculous.

I like jelly,

M.

cinderella

I choose to believe our production of Cinderella is like this.

A dream is a wish your heart makes,M.