December 28, 2012

1 LESSON



Each has their own.
Everything is different
Men are different from women
And women different from men
And then each is different from the next
And every day is different
Every life
Every second
And what people do
And what they don't
And why they do what they do
And should they have done it
Should anyone do anything, at all
Or should we just not
Blah, blah, blah
I mean, really

Co-exist and co-inspire
That's all anyone can do
We see things and we can't act on it
Because these things are not our things
They are someone else's
So all we can do, is co-exist and co-inspire
And make sure we don't waste
Waste our time
Waste our talent
Waste our breath
Waste our sunrises and sunsets
And waste our joy
Because life is hard enough for us not to corrupt ourselves
So get on a swing
Laugh too loud
And delight in the ridiculous
Find someone to marvel with
Because everything is too serious anyway
Too serious and too sad
And too tragic
And too unfair and unjust
So keep hold of your own joy
Make sure you keep your shine
Be kind to yourself
And let others live through their own mistakes



We each have our lessons to learn.

With love.
M.

January 4, 2013

With the new year kick-starting, I seem to just forget to take a moment and breathe.
I won't do New Year's resolutions because they are not my style really - as in, I don't really like them.
So this year I will simply take time.
Take time to be. Cause there's such joy in being! And keep reminding myself. New habits are hard to start, but once we start a habit, the habit carries on and then forms us.
So, I will create a habit of taking time.
Taking time to make time.
I don't wish to live another year so that I get myself into ridiculous over-worked dead-ends. It's just an unpleasant waste of time, counter productive, so I am very much looking forward to saying, "yay! got rid of that".
So therefore, find an hour a day that is not tied to a laptop, or a phone, or a TV-set. 
I know I will. Just a little time to switch off.
And I am absolutely dead-certain it will make a huge difference.
I like being busy, but busy and busy are different. Once I'm so busy I would like to slice my eyeballs open - I mean, where's the fun in that. But with a little time for breathing, the busy becomes a nice busy. Like, waves. Being caught in it, buried under it, or riding it. The wave, after-all, is the same.

Ride your wave.
M.

January 25, 2013

Something happens.

You follow your path. You wake up, go to sleep, wake up, go to sleep.
You go through the steps and the motions. Think your thoughts and do your thing.
Swim and swim, and it's all fine.
You walk the path.
And then something happens.
Suddenly something just happens.
Something happens to you or around you that just flicks a switch.

Something
happens

And then you kind of, notice. 
Suddenly you notice the path, the track, the flow, the motions, and the steps.
Then after that you see what's happened.
You see you, on this track, that is not even yours.
You see the steps, that are not even yours.
And then you see, that this you is not even you.

All because something happened.
A little insignificant something that should've been added and drowned in the white noise that is life.

But it doesn't.
It won't fade out. This feeling stays with you.
It won't disappear, because it made you look up and see that this is not your path.
It nudged you off this course, that only you know how you got onto anyway.
It gives you back the greatest gift, the belief that you can do anything.
You can do what you choose. Become what you choose.
It gives you back your fire.
And oh my, it makes you so grateful.

Something
happens.

So have the courage to go again.
Throw the dice, again. Start, again.
Have the courage to tread a new path.
Because it will pay off.
And you will have people to help you and to care about you.
And at the end of this you will be a more balanced, grateful, content version of you.
The you that is strong and not scared and doesn't just dodge. But instead faces things head on, because why not. Because being a frikkin pirate of life is great, and courageous.
And so much better than being like a halfway version of yourself.
Because let's be honest, that can go and suck d*ck.
Be the pirate, be the Beyonce, be the adventurer, the traveller.
The poet, the painter, the dancer, the singer.
The child, the successful business woman.
The linguist, the acrobat.
The warrior and the wolf.

Because, WHY NOT.

The Devil still doesn't play fair.
M.

freedom

From http://lazyyogi.org/
Love him.

And I love all of you right now.

Light.
Yours truly.
M.

“Discipline, as understood by a warrior, is creative, open, and produces freedom. It is the ability to face the unknown, transforming the feeling of knowing into reverent astonishment; of considering things that exceed the scope of our habits, and daring to face the only war that is worthwhile: The battle for awareness.” ~ Castaneda

Discipline has a negative connotation to most people. It definitely had that connotation for me in the past. Meditation changed that for me. 

On the outside, it looks very disciplined to sit for an hour each day in absolute stillness and silence. But on the inside, it is incredibly freeing. 

Take the idea of focusing, for example. When your mind is scattered in several different directions, then it seems like it takes effort to focus. But when you are entirely present in this moment with what you are doing, then focus is natural. It is effortless. How hard do you have to focus when doing something you love? The focus comes spontaneously. 

Well, when you are always present with what is going on, that focus is natural to you. The same goes for discipline. It is a matter of clarifying your aspiration and aligning your desire in every moment. 

If you are always battling with conflicting thoughts and feelings, you will only succeed in making yourself exhausted. Recognize what you really want and need and how those two are one. Then sacrifice all of your urges and desires that stand in the way. 

Self discipline means to remain unmoved by the transient and unimportant things that crop up on a moment to moment basis. This comes with practice and familiarity. 

But it is also worth noting that the discipline is only thought of as such when those conflicts are there. Once distraction and inner conflict hold now power over you, then there is just peace and the natural way of going with the flow of your life, the Tao. Not resisting what must be done and not avoiding anything. 

Namaste

monologue

(Excuse the language.)
(Didn't wanna delete it though. It adds to the tone.)

[2/24/2013 10:42:40 PM] ML: oh yes
[2/24/2013 10:42:49 PM] ML: f***ing jesus. this is gonna be so weird
[2/24/2013 10:42:56 PM] ML: F**K i want to work in theatre
[2/24/2013 10:43:41 PM] ML: so why not?
[2/24/2013 10:44:04 PM] ML: lol, i just had an internal A. go - well whats the f***ing problem then ASSHOLE? (less aggressive than that but you know)
[2/24/2013 10:55:48 PM] ML: okay
[2/24/2013 10:56:02 PM] ML: emotions. lots of fear. that i would like to "release" into the universe. and replace with excitement, thanks.
[2/24/2013 10:57:23 PM] ML: i hope youre sleeping. im still gonna carry on
[2/24/2013 10:57:40 PM] ML: f**k this is so exciting
[2/24/2013 10:59:50 PM] ML: i might vomit
[2/24/2013 11:00:51 PM] ML: i havent been this excited in so long. and i will do my f***ing utmost not to bury this under "expectations" and "fear" and "brand" and "image"

[2/24/2013 11:02:06 PM] ML: and i will write this monologue down


I've come back to the drawing board, and this idea is always there.
Always.
So why not.
I always say this, but these things take time.
As long as we are talking, and thinking, it is fine.

Yours truly.
M.

how-to noodle

For starters, I'm not posting this to discuss building self-esteem.
So I called it:

"10 Steps to Noodle".

I'm super in love with some of these points.

First of all.
Know yourself.

That is just such an infinite well of inspiration, and excitement.
Something that will never ever run dry.
Just - imagining all the things that I still haven't discovered about myself.
I mean, think about it?
All of the things that my body and mind are capable of, and could be capable of.
Infinite.
All I need to do, all YOU need to do, is just Do.
You cannot be without doing.

Secondly.
Understanding what makes you feel great.

This is absolutely not as easy as it sounds.
Sometimes the true joys and passions are hiding.
Somewhere under the floorboards of your being and your soul.
Again, all the joy in finding out what they really are.

What we really are.

That.
Is.

Magic.

So there you go.
10 steps to Noodle.
I like them.
They are simple and nice, and just positive.
Life-affirming, kindness-affirming.

Lovely.

With love and light.
Yours truly.
M.

release the swag

www.polyvore.com

So.

With the arrival of autumn, my annual feeling of being the most boring person in the country has returned.

So this has created my joint project with A. for turning on the outer swag.
The pretty one suggested going on polyvore.com, which might change my life.

Also, just to be clear, this boringness is absolutely external.
I don't feel interally boring.
I just think I look ridiculously boring.

Also, adding some boyfriend jeans to my wardrobe.
And using Kandee Johnson's videos to learn some new make-up tips.

Because this is where my head is at.
And apparently I consider this very important.

Yours truly.
M.

done

This week is finally over.

I'm so pleased.

Re-cap.
Did some TV recording stuff, then some rehearsals, put together a programme for this school/education concert thing, had two of those on Friday, also saw some theatre, had some interesting emotions, and consequential thoughts, then a great catch-up with M-L, and then a good night out.
And it's done, and I'm so so pleased.

Onto the next one.

Love.
M.

wind over heaven

This tattoo was first noted on October 23, 2011, when Johnny played at the Continential Club in Austin, Texas while promoting The Rum Diary.
It is believed to be Wind over Heaven from the I Ching, an ancient Chinese text called Book of Changes.
Its meaning is -

"Forcing your way will only bring misfortune.
Remain focused on your path and remove obstacles with gentle actions.
Look at the long term.
Plant the correct seeds now to reap a harvest in the future.
Cultivate patience, tolerance, adaptability and detachment.
Accept that all you can do is change yourself."

Wind over heaven.

Yours truly.
Love and light.
M.

how-to

My simple how-to for cheering myself up?

AC/DC and green tea, with jasmine.

Seriously, the riff of Back in Black is just unbeatable.
Just as a thing, and then thinking of it in Iron Man.
I mean, this just cannot be beat.

It's like the instant-coffee of cheering myself up.

Also.
I never talk inspirational women.
Helen Mirren, though, guys.
You know.

Helen Mirren.

Peace out, and I hope you're having an excellent Thursday.
Happy whatever.
Happy anything/everything to you.

With love and light.
Yours truly.
M.

more

lessons

move

I
need
to move

fear

So, first of all.
Lately, in my life, I'm scared a lot.
Of everything.
Moving, not moving, singing, not singing, theatre, these school concerts, writing up some things, attention, heartbreak.
You name it, I'm scared of it.
I mean, at some point, I became terribly scared of my email inbox.
To the point of panic.

But then I realised.
This fear is not mine.
I've never known fear.
Really.
Like, really, truly, never known it.
I learnt it at some point in my life.
But it's not mine.

And now I've realised I don't like seeing fear, it makes me very .....annoyed.
Watching it. Witnessing it.
Watching people get frightened, over the things that should not warrant fear.

Let's differentiate between fear and fear.

The primal fear one would feel when faced with a giant bear monster thing, waiting to eat you?
Yes, fine. That can stay.

But the kind of fear, this helplessness in the face of something new?
No.

Also, let's just say. There are some people for whom either social situations or lighting a candle or going to the store or blah blah blah is very difficult.
But let's be very honest here.
For most of us, we have been taught to fear things.
To be helpless, and to feel scared, in the face of something new.

I saw that today in the face of my nephew.
This taught sense of helplessness.
It makes me so angry.

Because it hinders life.
Do more of what scares you.
Because chances are, this fear isn't yours.

It was given to you, like unnecessary legacy.
Yours truly.
M.

plug

Life is not Sunday on a park bench.

I need to stop watching my life go by.
I need to stop watching it all go by.


This is going to ramble-y.


I'm not a child, and the world is not them.
All those situations that made me feel unnecessary, unimportant, powerless.
Basically for all intensive purposes invisible.
So I duplicate this in my life.
Like a magnet, I pull from the Universe the situations, the people who make me feel like that.
Like a magnet, a really strong magnet.
Cause we are, super strong magnets.
Who pull, and pull, and pull, and pull, and pull, and PULL.
Relentlessly pulling, until we die, and the magnet stops.
Unless we become a different magnet.
No matter what, the only thing we cannot stop doing, is pulling.
And I have pulled the things that make me feel unnecessary, and powerless.
We duplicate.
And I have and am making my life a very long list of situations and environments where I feel powerless and unimportant.
And I do this to myself, unknowingly, again and again.
And feel this again, and again, and again.
Someone choosing someone else, me not measuring up, not being enough, feeling like leftovers.

And if the plug isn't in the drain, it will run empty, forever, until you just stick the plug in.
(Or the water runs out, of course..)

And the necessary anti-bodies for this, the plug in this instance is the understanding.
Understand the situation, deconstruct it, see it for what it is.
And understand that my worth is not equal to the situation.
Or maybe it's not even about the worth at all?
Maybe it's just a choice.
Choose different, want something different.
Make a decision.
Very powerful things, those.

And then give yourself the situations in which you feel necessary, important, and in control.
Opposite of powerless, and definitely opposite of invisible.
Make the opposite the mantra.

And fill it all up again.
Plug in, and everything.

this_is_where_i_come_to_think


Plug.
Yours truly.
M.

perfect

This is a post about perfection.

Okay, so when I was a 5-year-old, my dad asked me why I use the word "hate".
You know, like kids do it, "I hate this", "I hate that", "I hate peas", et cetera.
So he said, why not say "dislike".
He told me the word "hate" had a lot of negative energy, for me and for others, using a word that strong, that powerful.
So I dropped it, and I don't use it.
I just don't.
I rarely, rarely - rarely - close enough to almost say "never", feel strong enough to "hate" anything, at all.
Strong dislike? Sure.
Hate? No.

I will now.
I hate this search for "perfect", or "perfection".
I hate it.
The Perfect Wedding, the Perfect Man, the PERFECT holiday, the PERFECT dress, the PERFECT hair, the PERFECT PERFECTION.
Seriously.

(.. keep going with me.)

The thing is.
To seek perfection or to seek The Perfect person or state, implies that at some point we get to stop working, and stop growing.
It implies that at some point change will stop occurring.
Therefore, it implies the arrival of stagnation.
Blissful (I'm sure), yet stupid stagnation.
Almost like a catatonic state.

The question is not whether "perfect" exists in this world or not.
I don't care.
The point is that we simply do not - and honestly do not - need it.
We don't need it.
It does us no good.
No good, at all, as living, breathing, sweating, bleeding human beings.
We are alive.
This implies not being stagnant! Ever.
Stagnation in human beings implies a flat-line.
No heartbeat, no blood pressure, no cells growing, and renewing.
Perfection makes us strive for a goal, an end-point, when we really should have two eyes focused on the journey.
This magical, awesome, brilliant journey.
Also called Life.
There is no "perfect", there is no end point.

There is just the boundless giving random-ness of the great Universe kaleidoscope.

Perfect has nothing to do with it.


It's like this phrase: Picture Perfect.
But you know what? It's also un-alive.
And I come at this as someone who has the highest regard for the art of photography, photographers and photos.
I really do value it as an art and respect it, but real life?
Real life is not picture perfect.
This endless talk about - this looks perfect, and that looks perfect.
Fine for selling something, an advertisement, or dolls, and of course snapshots of our memories.
But we cannot be Picture Perfect because we are alive.
And that is magical.
And I don't see why anyone would ever want to change that.
Change the magic of being alive for giving into the hunt for this rigidity.

We are alive, so alive.
Perfection cannot be duplicated.
Maybe newborns are perfect?
Maybe the fact that the sun rises and sets, is perfect?
Maybe flower-like frost on a window, is perfect?
Or maybe laughing till you cry with friends?
But it cannot be manufactured.
It happens.
Maybe it exists after-all.
But to chase it would be certain death for the living cell.

It just Is.
We just Are.

So let's just Be.

Yours truly.
Love and light, as always.
M.

endless

This is one of my favourite quotes, potentially ever.
Ever.

“So therefore I dedicate myself to myself, to my art, my sleep, my dreams, my labors, my suffrances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger - because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being.”
- Jack Kerouac


Just this, in all of its honesty.
The hot and cold of this quote is just staggering.
And the thing is, we all have this. This endless absorption and hunger, for life, for new things, for seeing and seeking our personal truth.
Being like a hungry, hungry sponge.
We all have this.
And it should be able to run free.
This personal hungry sponge.
Free and wild.

Happy sponge, guys.

Yours truly.
M.

people

People who make each other extraordinary.

I like that.
There was just this bit in Grey's Anatomy (which might as well be my bible you know).
And there was this bit, about, "I would rather be with you, than be alone, because together we can be extraordinary".
And I like that.
I like the idea (and the reality) of having people, or seeing people, who just lift each other, who click, and something amazing happens.
They bounce off each other, there is something, a 3rd energy, something completely new.
A chemistry.
They just
make
each other
extraordinary.

And I love witnessing that.
So much.

IT is extraordinary.
Extraordinary.

And this happens all over the place.
With friends, colleagues, musicians in rehearsals, actors, dancers.
Or simple strangers.
It happens to strangers.

And it's amazing.

So when you find it, see it, or feel it, appreciate it.
Take it in.
And if you can, don't let it go.

Yours truly.
M.

Oh and, heal your psyche/psychology and find You.

light

I'm passing over.
Seriously, lightest ever.
New territories, kids.
New territories.

Yours truly.
M.