gay

I'm currently watching a documentary called "Out There".
It's a BBC doc by Stephen Fry.
It's a doc about homosexuality, or rather the stupidity it encounters and meets all around the world.
The stupidity and brutality and violence and just, no.
But I won't pause on this now.

Still, here's a link to part 2.
Do watch it, it's worth it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tc19KxerK7U

There was this guy who used to be in a boy band, was told to suppress being "too gay" by the manager, and then it kind of stuck with him, for decades.
This habit of hiding, or pretending.
"Fake" as he called it.
A duplicate of himself.
A cheap copy.
Now he is an actor making his way in Hollywood and still is struggling so so much with being free, being himself and being honest.
Just the very way he is.

Well, anyway, this isn't a post about homosexuality, but this is a post about freedom.
Personal freedom.

This we must value most, personal freedom.
And all we can do is respect others, do no harm.
To get rid of this blind violence.

We can only do our part.
Hear others, really hear them out.
Try to understand.
The only force to reverse any of this is love and love and more love.

There is so much pain in the world, so much anger and so much blindness.

Seriously.
Just watch this documentary.

It's just about freedom, and love, and understanding.
And compassion.

We can never run out of compassion, it costs nothing, at all.
It requires no age, no sex, no religion, or geographic placement.
Compassion and kindness - it just is.

I just watched a bit of the documentary, where a Brazilian mothers recounts the death of his 15-year-old son.
Tortured and murdered by a bunch of guys who abducted him.
Just because he "looked gay".
Such hatred shocks me to such an extent.

The freedom to love, whom we love, how we love.

Yours truly.
M.

faith

Time to work on another old draft.
From some time in October last year, I think.


On life’s journey, faith is nourishment.
Virtuous deeds are shelter.
Wisdom is the light by day,
And right mindfulness protection by night.

Faith is an interesting one you know.
Faith in what?
What do we have faith in?

I once had a conversation in which I said I have faith in Love.
Love as the force of Universe.
The positive, creative force.

I remember this conversation actually.

And I still stand by this.

And also, we need to have faith in ourselves.

So much faith.

In what we're doing, in what we want, in how we see the world.

Faith. 

A strong force, at the same time, empty.

It's the potent void. 

Kinda magical.

Oh I don't know.

All I know is that we need it.

Faith as a thing, as an emotional capability.

And we can also have faith in each other.

My thoughts are scattered, but I'm getting somewhere, in general.

I want to have faith in Life and the Universe, always.

I don't ever want to lose faith in myself.

And I want to keep having faith in those around me.

I'm seeing some of the holes in my being that still need to be filled.

Some things have gone unnoticed and we need people to point them out in the most unexpected ways.

I have faith in analysis.

Finding the new pathways.

All change is scary, at least to me it is.

So having faith in something gives me some stability, gives me a sense that the wheel will keep turning, that some processes carry on, always.

We must keep our pack.

They are worth their weight in..I don't know, something far better than gold.

Our pack will help us See Clear, lick our wounds when necessary and let us sleep for a while by the fire as the rest keep guard at night.

And when you wake up, the pack will still be there, steady as the sun and moon.

Keep your pack, keep your head, keep your heart.

And take excellent care of yourself.

Because I mean very very bluntly put - if you won't, why in the name of the 7 seas would anyone else on the entire planet?

So therefore, lady up, and do it.

Show the rest of the universal system how to do it, how to Love you, how to Care for you, how to Give you what you need.

Give yourself nurture, body and mind, and feed yourself well, and sleep, and move, and educate and inspire yourself.

I'm still only halfway to learning how to do this, really.

Losing yourself in another person is ridiculous. 

There, I've said it.

Now all there is to do is to love (and live) by it, for life.

All any Tree needs is good and stable soil, space, warmth of the sun.

Life is like that. 

It is idiotic to go looking for some magical wisdom from any further than that.

Look at a tree and Think for a moment.

Let it sink in what you see and it's crazy how much the external world teaches us.

It's hard to stay blind to it here, in Estonia.

The weather does what it wants, we just run, panting, after it.

Trying to keep up, like chasing a young hotheaded mistress.

The Life/Death/Life cycle so clear on display it's almost funny.

The year of the Horse began today.

Happy Horse!

It's said that things get terribly pacy when the horse is in motion.

So apparently those who know how to plan their time have "won" already, even before the bell is rung for round 1. 

I plan to keep this in mind.

And so, good night, darlings!

I am going to sleep, dream well, and then wake up happy.

I like this thought.

Love, as always, to you all!!!

Yours truly.

M.