birthday 1/2

I started this post exactly a year ago when we celebrated my 24th birthday.
And I promised then to upload some photos of the celebrations, which I never did.

And since it's now been a year I feel it is entirely fitting to complete this.


So.
Happy birthday, to me, for last year!

Question.
What was I celebrating?
What does anyone ever celebrate?

I think I was celebrating Home.
Coming home, having done it, having lifted some part of something.
Some ..inescapable situation, or feeling.
I was celebrating, a victory of somekind.
And it was really worth celebrating.

This idea of celebrations is heavily on my mind since I simply cannot understand why I'm so not there with this one this year.
It's bizarre.
I've always been a huge huge huge fan of birthdays.
And now all of a sudden.

But I think I just really do feel in the middle of some processes, and it would be silly to claim any victories.
I'll claim them next year - and Jesus, will I have victories then.

 (PS. I don't want this to sound critical, as if I need to cut myself some slack. I am fully aware I've come so far, and some of the things are amazing already. Just when you have the steam, don't stop to admire the view. Use the steam. Heaven knows we don't always have it.)

Love to all of you.
M.

faith

Time to work on another old draft.
From some time in October last year, I think.


On life’s journey, faith is nourishment.
Virtuous deeds are shelter.
Wisdom is the light by day,
And right mindfulness protection by night.

Faith is an interesting one you know.
Faith in what?
What do we have faith in?

I once had a conversation in which I said I have faith in Love.
Love as the force of Universe.
The positive, creative force.

I remember this conversation actually.

And I still stand by this.

And also, we need to have faith in ourselves.

So much faith.

In what we're doing, in what we want, in how we see the world.

Faith. 

A strong force, at the same time, empty.

It's the potent void. 

Kinda magical.

Oh I don't know.

All I know is that we need it.

Faith as a thing, as an emotional capability.

And we can also have faith in each other.

My thoughts are scattered, but I'm getting somewhere, in general.

I want to have faith in Life and the Universe, always.

I don't ever want to lose faith in myself.

And I want to keep having faith in those around me.

I'm seeing some of the holes in my being that still need to be filled.

Some things have gone unnoticed and we need people to point them out in the most unexpected ways.

I have faith in analysis.

Finding the new pathways.

All change is scary, at least to me it is.

So having faith in something gives me some stability, gives me a sense that the wheel will keep turning, that some processes carry on, always.

We must keep our pack.

They are worth their weight in..I don't know, something far better than gold.

Our pack will help us See Clear, lick our wounds when necessary and let us sleep for a while by the fire as the rest keep guard at night.

And when you wake up, the pack will still be there, steady as the sun and moon.

Keep your pack, keep your head, keep your heart.

And take excellent care of yourself.

Because I mean very very bluntly put - if you won't, why in the name of the 7 seas would anyone else on the entire planet?

So therefore, lady up, and do it.

Show the rest of the universal system how to do it, how to Love you, how to Care for you, how to Give you what you need.

Give yourself nurture, body and mind, and feed yourself well, and sleep, and move, and educate and inspire yourself.

I'm still only halfway to learning how to do this, really.

Losing yourself in another person is ridiculous. 

There, I've said it.

Now all there is to do is to love (and live) by it, for life.

All any Tree needs is good and stable soil, space, warmth of the sun.

Life is like that. 

It is idiotic to go looking for some magical wisdom from any further than that.

Look at a tree and Think for a moment.

Let it sink in what you see and it's crazy how much the external world teaches us.

It's hard to stay blind to it here, in Estonia.

The weather does what it wants, we just run, panting, after it.

Trying to keep up, like chasing a young hotheaded mistress.

The Life/Death/Life cycle so clear on display it's almost funny.

The year of the Horse began today.

Happy Horse!

It's said that things get terribly pacy when the horse is in motion.

So apparently those who know how to plan their time have "won" already, even before the bell is rung for round 1. 

I plan to keep this in mind.

And so, good night, darlings!

I am going to sleep, dream well, and then wake up happy.

I like this thought.

Love, as always, to you all!!!

Yours truly.

M.

happy beginning

..of Autumn.

It has now officially started its absolutely unstoppable tour-de-force.

All I have for you is love and light and this.



Yours truly.
M.

‘As you walk and eat and travel, be where you are. Otherwise you will miss most of your life.’ ~Buddha

reading list

...from Rachel Brathen.
If you don't know her, go check her out.
http://www.rachelbrathen.com/

Anyway.
A super short reading list I plan to come back to after Finland and Midsommar.
Law of Attraction by Esther Hicks.
And also some Eckhart Tolle. I think this has been a long time coming.

I hope I get along well with these books.
I want some reading to really, really shake my brain.

And it's also time to update the blog appearance once more.
This always means a time to get back to writing and drawing and doing creative things a lot more.
Cause it annoys me to no end when I realise that I've been in a non-creative hole for a bit.

Oh, also, I realised the tour is starting soon so I want to start practising the piano, ready to utilise the grand pianos in the concert places.
So excited. For this.
Seriously.

And so here I am, downloading some music, drinking tea, and getting ready for my Fin-dventure a la Midsommar-madness.
Packing list also includes:
Swimsuit (for the forest lake YES)
Drawing pad (I need to sharpen dem pencils)
"Women who run with the wolves" (Recommend strongly)
And of course, in true Nordic style, mosquito repellent.

Have a super awesome weekend everyone.
I plan to return on Monday night having spent time drawing, swimming, breathing, meditating, probably skipping over some meadows, and just resting. Fingers crossed I get to row a boat. That would simply be nothing short of ideal.

So.
Not to underestimate the weekend ahead.
Not only is it the turning point in the year, and the seasons, plus it should also be some crazy moon situation, as I've heard.
Think good thoughts.
The shortest night of the year is so good for this.
And those Nordic ones reading this, go into a forest and see what's going on.
I mean, there's a reason our ancestors did that. Go find your luck and good fortune.
Spend some nature time. Get muddy and dewy and wet.

HAPPY SOLSTICE.
I'll leave you with Lana.

Peace.
M.

Friday

Well this weekend brought lots of new ridiculousness!
I'll have to post this in several goes.

Friday was lots of scaffolding stuff, of course.
But the evening brought with it "Tour de Night" (Tour d'ÖÖ in Estonian) - one of the main events of Tallinn Bicycle week.
It was basically wayy over a 1000 cyclists cruising around Tallinn. The Spaniard and I went along as well.
AND IT WAS AWESOME!

The beginning was fairly slow, cause there were just so many cyclists.
But as we got going it was so much fun it was ridiculous!
And I was so happy Spaniard came with me so we got a chance to share all the fun.
Afterwards we went to McDo on our bikes, Drive-In, thank you very much.
And then into town - on our bikes.
Seriously - this Friday was so golden!
We biked back around 2am. We took hold of the bus lane because why not. We were singing our hearts out and seriously, it was one of the best Fridays I can remember.
Spanish one went to her friends and I went home.
GOLDEN, I tell you.

And all of a sudden I've really fallen in love with this whole cycling thing. The city just shows a really different face when you're a cyclist, and it's a very very nice face.

Stay cycling, boys and girls.
M.

(I love the plastic bag. This was the very beginning of the night and I was on my way to dad's to pick up a bike lock and a backpack which is now my new friend.)

A pap from the Tour d'ÖÖ in May.

Samsara

For the purpose of lacking the human vocabulary, all I'm gonna say is - just watch it, please.
And watch Baraka, the previous one, for that matter as well.

Samsara meaning "continuous flow", is the repeating cycle of birth, life, death and rebirth (reincarnation) within Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, Yoga and Taoism.

Thank you, Ron Fricke.
M.