faith

Time to work on another old draft.
From some time in October last year, I think.


On life’s journey, faith is nourishment.
Virtuous deeds are shelter.
Wisdom is the light by day,
And right mindfulness protection by night.

Faith is an interesting one you know.
Faith in what?
What do we have faith in?

I once had a conversation in which I said I have faith in Love.
Love as the force of Universe.
The positive, creative force.

I remember this conversation actually.

And I still stand by this.

And also, we need to have faith in ourselves.

So much faith.

In what we're doing, in what we want, in how we see the world.

Faith. 

A strong force, at the same time, empty.

It's the potent void. 

Kinda magical.

Oh I don't know.

All I know is that we need it.

Faith as a thing, as an emotional capability.

And we can also have faith in each other.

My thoughts are scattered, but I'm getting somewhere, in general.

I want to have faith in Life and the Universe, always.

I don't ever want to lose faith in myself.

And I want to keep having faith in those around me.

I'm seeing some of the holes in my being that still need to be filled.

Some things have gone unnoticed and we need people to point them out in the most unexpected ways.

I have faith in analysis.

Finding the new pathways.

All change is scary, at least to me it is.

So having faith in something gives me some stability, gives me a sense that the wheel will keep turning, that some processes carry on, always.

We must keep our pack.

They are worth their weight in..I don't know, something far better than gold.

Our pack will help us See Clear, lick our wounds when necessary and let us sleep for a while by the fire as the rest keep guard at night.

And when you wake up, the pack will still be there, steady as the sun and moon.

Keep your pack, keep your head, keep your heart.

And take excellent care of yourself.

Because I mean very very bluntly put - if you won't, why in the name of the 7 seas would anyone else on the entire planet?

So therefore, lady up, and do it.

Show the rest of the universal system how to do it, how to Love you, how to Care for you, how to Give you what you need.

Give yourself nurture, body and mind, and feed yourself well, and sleep, and move, and educate and inspire yourself.

I'm still only halfway to learning how to do this, really.

Losing yourself in another person is ridiculous. 

There, I've said it.

Now all there is to do is to love (and live) by it, for life.

All any Tree needs is good and stable soil, space, warmth of the sun.

Life is like that. 

It is idiotic to go looking for some magical wisdom from any further than that.

Look at a tree and Think for a moment.

Let it sink in what you see and it's crazy how much the external world teaches us.

It's hard to stay blind to it here, in Estonia.

The weather does what it wants, we just run, panting, after it.

Trying to keep up, like chasing a young hotheaded mistress.

The Life/Death/Life cycle so clear on display it's almost funny.

The year of the Horse began today.

Happy Horse!

It's said that things get terribly pacy when the horse is in motion.

So apparently those who know how to plan their time have "won" already, even before the bell is rung for round 1. 

I plan to keep this in mind.

And so, good night, darlings!

I am going to sleep, dream well, and then wake up happy.

I like this thought.

Love, as always, to you all!!!

Yours truly.

M.

light the way

I must not forget this.



I don't believe in guardian angels really. Mum always has but they have never been my thing.
But many people along the way have said that I apparently have many.
As I said - it has never been my thing.

I now see it existed, for that reason.
As a guardian, to show me how exactly to carry on living my life.
Which is also why I saw the skies and the entire universe through it.
And myself, and my childhood, and the life I want.
The person I am, the person I could be, the person I do not wish to be.

And Love as I've imagined it.


Not to keep it this time, but to show me the way and path on which to carry on living my life.
Which is what I asked for.
Which is exactly what I asked for.
Direction and purpose.
For someone to show me the direction.

But I am only human so it has taken me this long to see it for what it was.
And as opposed to mourn the loss of something I thought I wanted to keep, I should rather be so grateful that I had this experience, this chance to shift my path.
To grow, and to change. Into someone a lot more like Me.

Because that's the greatest gift any one of us will ever receive.
And right now, I'm so grateful, it's stupendous.

And all this sense of loss or being deprived of something has gone, and all that remains is just gratitude, for having been given the chance to grow like that.
To have this reminder.
To have this sign-post.

It was never mine to keep, but it appeared to show me the direction.
Like in the folk tales.


And I have the Kaleidoscope to keep.
M.

sky

There's this boy I know.
And his eyes
-sometimes-
look like open skies

And they hold everything
And nothing
And all the spaces
In between all things

And it is so new
Looking into

me


M.