accept

Hey, guys.

So.

Today has been a day of Acceptance.

It feels like I've finally given in to the flow of the wider universe, the constant motion of life.

Not gonna lie, it feels like giving up in a way..

But I think this feeling exists in a way which in the long run will only serve me towards the positive end. 

However, right now, it feels a little.....hopeless.

Correction: very hopeless.

I guess the point is, we give up, stop fighting all the goddamn time, Accept what Is.

And then, sure, a little hopelessness is fine. I effectively have just created a void of some kind, y'know?

However, now it's up to me to fill it.

Fill this void.

With Love, inspiration, and kindness.

The space which was filled with fighting and holding on, is now empty. 

Acceptance and Accepting makes new space.

Creates new space.

Which today, right now, right here, feels EMPTY.

Emptiness, void void void.

Dark matter.

But this is okay.

This is okay.

Let go of what was.

Be grateful for what is.

And have hope for what is yet to (be)come.

The third one has to now become a huge priority.

I have chosen this direction, I've started discovering and searching and looking and questioning, and the "stop" button doesn't exist.

So all I can do is hold on, keep my focus, ride my wave, and have hope for what is yet to Be.

Oh, and definitely have to give praise where praise is due for how far I've got.

So, here's to you, Acceptance!

I've met you, I'll keep you and the stuff that's gone - well, I'll replace it with something that gives me FORZA VITALE - life force.

Peace and love.

I hope wherever you are, whatever you are doing, however far you still have to go - that you always have someone to turn to for guidance, a hug, or just company.

A shared life.

With love, always.

M.

25

I AM.

It's my birthday today.

Happy birth day, to me.

I am thinking of the things I am, today.

I Am grateful.

I Am feeling like I'm really moving in the right direction.

I Am love, and I find love in so many places.

I Am trusting life.

I Am fluid.

I Am creative.

I Am making my opportunities.

I Am in motion.

I Am in motion.

I Am expanding.

I Am expanding my mind.

I have love for all of you.

Trust life.

See the bigger picture.

Serve Yourself first as the Master.

Ride the wave and give out Love.

So it will find it's way back to you.

Magic is something you make.

Love love love.

Yours truly.

M.

Everests

So, A. and I spoke about this thing, a long long time ago.
The idea of Everests.

Personal Everests.
And the fear of them.
And then I felt this question - when was the last time I climbed an Everest?

So, therefore.

It's time to climb the Everests.
All of them.
One at a time.
But it's time for the Everests.
And climb them we shall.

End of 2013.
There's still some time to go.
Time to do things.
Not loads, but there's time.
Time to be productive, time for things, and Everests.

Time to focus on what's important.
Ourselves.
Our family.
Our friends.
The people we want to communicate with.

He is able, who THINKS he is able.
And she who thinks she will climb her Everests, shall climb her Everests.


Today was a great day.
Listened to a great lesson, with a teacher I really really like.
So this is SUPER exciting.
Then went to the cinema with the Spaniard to watch a MUSE CONCERT.
Which was INCREDIBLE.
So intense days.
Crazy good, but intense days.

So now I'm going to try and get to sleep.
A rehearsal tomorrow.
And some lovely meetings.

Everests.
This is what I'm leaving you with.
E
VE
RESTS

Think about them.
And be brave enough to go for the climb.

With love and light.
M.


PS.

!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-hJq1GSV8Q
Please listen to this.



---

An Invitation.

Come, winter - rip us all bare.
Past the hot veins, and tear the cosy flesh.
Freeze us, entirely, claw down to the bone.
Remove the impatient muscle.
Watch the name
the title
the numbers
and the figures
tumble away,
fly off
(like they never were)
become one with the white.

Just leave the core.
So we can mingle, touch each other past the pretense. 
Press curious tongues against the icy void,
The heart of the bone.

Let the wind rage through - cold and impersonal -
As we stand, (un)moved, ready to confess.
Let it coil its way around my ever-fragile skeleton,
And caress my truth as I uncover yours.
No warmth, no heat.
No lies.
All unravelling, together, in near-perfect sync,
Faced with what we are.

The storms will start fuelling a different kind of fire.
Barren, bare, raw.
But true.

Come, winter.
Please.
Rip us all
bare.

need

"What do I need?"

Aaaaannnndddd we're back to that one.

My favourite question of all, the lack of which I realised last year?
That this wasn't in my vocabulary.

What do I want - oh, yes.
What do I crave - absolutely.
Or another favourite, what do other people need from me? Or need me to be?
Great.

But what do I need?
Apparently not.

So the age of What Does Maria Need is about to start.
I mean I swear I'll plaster this on my face or something.

What do you NEED.
M.


This was taken around 6.20AM, last Sunday morning, as I was walking home from this new place in Tallinn called Moment.
That night was circus.
That night was what I needed.

don't i know it

His voice.

End up where you really belong.
M.

i am

What you say after "I AM" comes looking for you. And fast.
Elisabeth Fayt

I am  p e a c e. 
Please-thanks.
Come looking for me!

Peace.
M.


This was a while ago.

people

So what about the people to fan our flame?
How and where do we draw a line?

I mean.
What?

What
what
what

Fan your flame.
Is that a purpose?
Is that a necessity?
What the f*ck.
I don't even know.

Whatever.
M.


Not "whatever" though, you know?
That's the point.
This is NOT "whatever".
This is important.

MUSIC

Oh my JESUS what new FRESH music does to me!
My spleen has been doing an excited dance for a few hours now!
And it's SO NICE.
Hello, spring, hello, doing things, and hello, no fear.

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new ageI'm Radioactive, Radioactive

Radioactive.
M.

cindy

Oh, Cindy.
Cindy
Cindy
Cindy

I can't even, I mean, yeah.

Cindy.
M.

taste

The taste that your lips allow.

What a funny life.
M.

what i want.

As if we had wings.
M.

clothes

Okay, guys, I have a problem.

This is not going to be as pointless and shallow as it sounds at first.

So.
I don't know what clothes I like.

Explanation.
Lately I'm just having a really really tricky time finding anything I feel good wearing. I guess it's just that I'm not entirely sure the kind of person I want to put across at the moment.
It was easier in LDN because there none of this matters.
But I touch-down in TLN and there's these people and journalists and whatevers (which I cannot stress enough, I'm grateful for) but the downside of this is, it is just hard to change.

I have these patterns here. The automatic shapes and things that I do, and things I represent and therefore, clothes I wear.
It's like, I arrive and there's a pre-decided Maria Listra waiting here, who I've created, and I kinda leave myself going "HUH?". Like I leave me on the doorstep.
And so now I'm home, with a load of clothes, and they just don't feel good on. They feel like they belong to someone else and this is a very strange sensation. So I've slowly been going through my clothes to see which ones I actually like wearing and which actually feel like me.

And so there you go. My clothes problem.
I don't know what clothes I like, I don't know what clothes like me, and whatever. Summer's so easy, I just run around half naked all the time, which suits me fine.
So for now, I'm just gonna go about being a little confused.

I
don't
unerstand
clothes
ugh

Clothes.
M.

what do clothes say?

the one to set you free

The amount of love I have for this tune is crazy.
M.

I could be the one to make you feel that wayI could be the one to set you free

l'été

And as usual, I miss the summer.
But it's coming.

Slowly, but surely, it will come.
M.

i follow rivers

This song
This song
This song
This song
This song
This song
This song
This song

Be the ocean where I unravel.

Can I follow?
M.

SD

Kanye West wearing Scott Disick.



I'VE GOT A CHARGER.
M.

loneliness

(This following post was brought about by the fact that I just saw an old friend who I used to be really close with in school, just when I moved here. And up until today, hadn't seen him in 4 years.)

Okay, so.
There's this thing that really confuses me. This thing that I do.

I make myself lonely.

Explanation.
I have lots of friends and lots and lots of acquaintances, that I've just gathered from Estonia and UK and all around the place, with these (almost) 7 years of travelling and roaming about the place.

Then I just seem to do my best not to see them.
And then I feel lonely.

Is it just me or like, this just does not make any sense, at all?

Okay, I would get it if I don't see anyone (apart from like my main 5-6 people) and then I'm absolutely jumping off the walls over the moon happy with this situation.
But this is not the case.

So therefore, through some logical-deduction, this makes no sense. At all.

If I don't want to be lonely, why do I make myself lonely?
Why do I cut myself off from all these people who would like to see me, or hear from me, or both?

Granted, I like solitude, form time to time. I like living in a serene, quiet surrounding - okay, fine.
But to self-create this loneliness? Think that I have to friends or people and almost envy those who do? When it's actually me who's creating this.
NON
SEN
SI
CAL

I mean, I have no idea.
M.


(If there is anyone else who does this, please please let me know why would anyone actually do this.)

Mamma Mia!

Mamma mia.
I heart Mamma mia.
Simple as.

ABBA's tunes are just genius.
And it's a very good plot for the songs to work, really work.
I mean, I think I've watched it an offensive amount, but it just keeps coming out again and again.
So good, so feel-good.
And I think we all need more things like that.

Also, I don't think anyone can really not admit how great the cast is.
Stellan, Meryl, Colin, Julie as well, and of course Pierce - I mean, really.

VOULEZ-VOUS, and feel-good.
M.

I MISS THEATRE

I miss you, I say! Seriously!
I miss theatre so much.

This little outburst was brought on by this circus show I just watched (not live, TV broadcast), by this Canadian troupe called Cirque Eloize. Their show "Rain" - Comme une pluie dans tes yeux.

http://www.cirque-eloize.com/
I think they are worth checking out.

The show had this amazing sense of nostalgia about it. It's not usually my thing, but it worked so so well. This bittersweet circus cabaret with the most amazing acrobats, some songs, some silly bits, not with clowns but exceedingly charming people.
Just, I love circus. I think it just holds what I hold dear - the playful nature. I don't like animal circus, nor do I think it's necessary.
Circus is about grown-ups doing what we should be doing - marveling at the world, and responding to it. The laughter, the amazement, and the music, and just, all of it in this big glorious nostalgic French pie. Superb.
And just silly enough.
And I liked how simple it was. I'm a big fan of Cirque du Soleil but their stuff is just so grand in scale (I don't know a better word for describing this). Eloize's stuff was so much more low-key, and simple, like I could go away from seeing their show and do some of it myself - just have fun.

Awesome. Truly awesome.
Thanks, ETV, for broadcasting good things.
M. 

been a long time

You taste like whiskey when you kiss me, oh
I'd give anything again to be your baby doll


Something about this place.M.