long time love

Серге́й Васи́льевич Рахма́нинов

This day has just been "ugh"

It's been a fabulous-fabulous day really, from beginning to afternoon, then to the middle and the evening, to the very pleasant female-filled end.
Dad made some sweet food, then went and saw the fire-lights-candle-whatever show in one of the beautiful parks in Tallinn with some friends, and then ended up on M's sofa chatting, eating chocolate. I mean, sweet. A sweet day.
But there's still been so much "ugh" seeping out, from everywhere.

My head feels like Rachmaninov's 3rd piano concerto (which in itself is nothing new at all). No movements in particular, just all of it. From beginning to end. If by any chance anyone who will ever happen to read this will have listened to the whole thing, you can relate.
To those who haven't (and I recommend it soooo hard if you can stomach classical music, not all recordings are good though...), it is brilliant and great fun (if it can be called that), but it's intense. And somewhat, like, thick. Over-filled.
It is my absolute favourite piece of classical music or just music or anything ever, but I don't really fancy my own brain feeling like that, from cell to cell.

So that's where we're at.
I wish I had some aloe-vera juice which makes stuff so much better.
But I don't have any.

And I wish I would know a few things which I don't know at the moment, and can't really find out either.
Or maybe I could, but I'm just reluctant.

I want to game. My PS2 and Lara Croft would do.

And I want this flat so much I could actually weep. It is so perfect, for me. It's tiiiiiiiny. Tiny tiny tiny. But what else would I need? I only need a tiny amount of space.
And I don't want to post any pictures because that would only make it worse.
And I'd like to curl up there, in my one room of 26 sq m, and eat ice-cream. Estonian ice-cream. Jesus this is getting so so so
But I can't get it right now, and I really wish, really hope it will not be gone in a few months or so, when I could actually start looking at it properly, but. "ugh". You see? "ugh" crept in.

So.
I wrote a letter. Which in a perfect-hypothetical world would have a use. But in this one it doesn't.


There are so many good people, and I like that.
But I don't like unpredictable behaviour. I ♥ control, or whatever.
No, actually, I don't heart control. It's not control, it's just, with some things I prefer knowing where I stand.
The rest of it can go however it wants to go and three cheers and an absolute whatever to it.

Letters and Rachmaninov.
I ♥ my cat.
Head ööd.
M.

CRAVING

I have a craving.
It's for "eating brunch in company".

 

 

 

to my beloved summer

This has been a truly inspired Wednesday. (half-irony)

I went to see a new production of "Faust" at the Estonian National today. It was good. I loved the production/staging and the way they had played with the shift in action when Satan comes along. As it should be. I mean, that is just a mental turn of affairs in itself? Satan, physically, turns up. Against all odds. And I think there are no other ways of seeing it, really.. Satan is trouble, and chaos. (In the operatic, and literary sense.) Otherwise Satan could/would be something else. Whatev.
As an aftermath I did listen to about 3-4 hours of Natalie Dessay and felt great about the universe.

Then Wednesday stopped being inspired, and started being -- this.

I've been ploughing through home magazines. I'm riding the high so much. I want to have a nest, my own "box" if that's all it is. But I want it. And I want to put all my crap in it. And it will be my crap. And I will invite someone over for tea.
Or someone over for instant noodles because I might not yet have a kitchen.
Or give someone a place to stay after a night out when they can't find a cab.
Or just a place to come and borrow sugar.
Or a hairbrush.
Or some music.
Or some DVDs.
Or borrow socks.
Or a dress for going out.
Or whatever the hell one might need, at any given point in time.
Or come cry.
Or come tell ridiculous stories from the night before.
Or just for some wine, and a big fat catch-up.
Or just come do a whole load of absolute-whatever.

And it shall be (so) glorious.

Today was the day I realised summer was gone for good. Not that the weather's been cheating or anything - it's proper autumn. It's just my extended holiday has kept me somewhat under the idea - not idea necessarily, rather the feeling - that summer was still here, or some of the holiday-ness of it all.
But then this inspired Wednesday for some reason carried with it the knowledge that it was over. Officially. My summer of 2012 is finito. Byyyeee!

And it has been great.
And I think it's going to carry some of its wonderfulness into the 2012/13 season. Or at least I've really got my fingers crossed for that.
But dear, oh dear, it's been wonderful.

So, I would like to take this tiny second to thank all the [insert word that means makes one jump up and down a little in sincere, unspoilt joy] people who've been around at some point or another this summer. Cause it was great. Simple as.
You've made me laugh, or (very) happy, or just given me some of that everything-is-so-awesome-actually type-of-contentment feeling, or made me feel in general, or made me act like a true idiot, which usually is the absolute best of it all.


I took this picture (below) yesterday. And yesterday was fantastic.
Thank you, summer.
I'll see you again next year.
I will miss you.
You have been so good to me this year, and you will forever be my favourite.

With love and gratitude,
Yours
M.

MY FEEEELINGS

I LOVE THIS SONG.
It just makes me very happy.

Almost time for "goodnight".
M.

stupid

I think I drafted this post around 3 weeks ago.

I might actually post my to-do list just so I can make it official that I actually am going to do these things!
Because this is simply getting ridiculous.

✓Phone Eve (about Sunday recording)
✓Pick a song
✓Phone Urmas (about the music) and take the music to him
✓Find the music (conclusion: I don't have it, so I'll go get it)
✓Move Mum's computer (and cheers to the fact she doesn't have a laptop)


In the meantime I'm going to try and figure out why in the name of sweet Jesus Christ himself I do this. I understand if I would enjoy this process of delay-delay-delay, but I don't. In fact, I hate it, quite actively. If anyone, anyone at all, figures out why, why, and WHY I'm doing this and how it makes sense, please PLEASE feel free to comment below. THAANKS.I've got my Twilight t-shirt out, and on. I mean business.
No, but seriously. This is really bugging me now. Do I like apologising? Or like, what?

Aloe Vera juice-drink actually rocks. There's no better way of saying this.

And I'm so planning next summer's holiday, already. Already. And it's elaborate.

I just thought I'd post it now. Better late than never.M.