4 days

What a ridiculous life, let's be honest.

And how much happens in 4 days, quite honestly.

Weird and wonderful at the same time.

So now it's the time for grace and gratitude, and hard work and concentration. And focus.

And creating self-stability.

Within the self and for the self and from the self.

Because balance is the key to all of it and the greater lesson behind the unnoticeable ones we are dealt all the time, every day.

So balance your seas.

I've really not had enough sleep lately, so I decided tomorrow I was just going to take a day to myself.

Sleep in, get my affairs in order, get MYSELF in order, do some laundry, sort a little, and the rest, you know?

No actual things, just the fillers, which are so necessary sometimes.

And I'm looking forward to just waking up to an empty schedule - divine.

Again, I have so much love for you all.

Inexplicable, and quite common lately.

Weird and wonderful again.

The only thought I really want to leave you with, is Accept the Good you are Given.

Yours truly.

Good night, darlings.

M.

sexual predators

So, here's an interesting article about the fascination behind "the bad girl".

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/features/bad-girls-a-history-of-unladylike-behaviour-8533215.html?fb_action_ids=10152671836260529%2C10152682033995253&fb_action_types=news.reads&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%2210152671836260529%22%3A495977153796177%2C%2210152682033995253%22%3A10150126484701136%7D&action_type_map=%7B%2210152671836260529%22%3A%22news.reads%22%2C%2210152682033995253%22%3A%22news.reads%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D

Eat away.
M.



I googled "bad girl". Sorry, minors!!

drugs

This is an interesting read.

http://blog.johannessiig.co.uk/posts/2013/01/why-all-drugs-should-be-legalised/#more-99

...because they're illegal?
M.

hang on

..but then again.
Isn't organising something "creation" as well?
Isn't that creating something.
I'm creating an event.
Creating.
Creative.

Okay, just so you know - my days are currently passing under the "Scaffolding concert" flagship.
And basically, in a nutshell, I'm organising it.
So.
As opposed to moan about not creating or not being creative at the moment, I should see this as absolutely creating something!
I mean. How the hell not?

We've got the singers.
We've got the scaffolding.
We've got the posters (currently in print).

Now we need to focus on the media and what we're actually singing.
Both points largely to do with me.
So hey, as opposed to moan about what we DON'T have or what I have NOT done yet - let's concentrate on what we HAVE done and what is already there.
And that's pretty sweet.

Oh, also.
Got some solid advice from A. earlier.
She told me to do something I like.
Simple right?
Wrong.
Apparently I can't get this in my head.
"Otherwise its impossible to do the things you have to do without wanting to RUN AWAY".
I mean, seriously.
That's just what it is.

Sometimes we think it's productive not doing anything fun and only doing the things we have to do, and completing to-do list after to-do list after to-do list, but the truth is, once we forsake fun and actually having a great time, we completely lose productivity.
So in the midst of all the stuff you have to do and I have to do, it is absolutely crucial that we sometimes switch off, just send it all to hell and do something fun.
This weekend I plan to have FUN.
It's been too long.

Also. Without fun, all the positive cool projects will start feeling like a burden, and lose all the positive cool-ness they carry.
And where in the Jesus is the point in that?

So thanks, A.

Point to her.

I hope you're having a great Thursday.
M.


PS. Super sneak-peek. I hope these will be up eeeverywhere soon. So excited they're finished!!

READING

For men, and women.
Read this, there's good stuff in there.

With love.M.

http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/comment/articles/2011-11/22/tony-parsons-men-commandments/

aujourd'hui

Today.

Oh, today.
What shall we do with you.

I mean, either I'm weird, or this is some sunshine disorder, or whatever.
Yesterday I was so full of everything, life and energy and desire to do stuff, mainly.
None of which is here today.
And neither is the sunshine.

Actually, the sun was so lush yesterday, I caught a bit of a face-tan.
I mean, mega.

But today is not yesterday.
Today is gray and real quiet, and a little somber.
A somber Friday.
I do have quite a lot to do, but somber-ness and me don't make for a very good working combo.
Besides, Place beyond the pines (yesterday) really put me in a little hole.
I think I'm partially still in it.

But no, today has potential to be very very excellent indeed.
So let's turn this around, very soon, and properly.

I think this is the biggest thing that has changed.
I used to think that I can't and therefore didn't want to change my "bad" days.
But that is so different now.
I don't enjoy this anymore, at all.

Which means I have a choice.

And today, I choose to have a "good" day. No, really, a good day.
And see the people who want to see me, and I want to see.
Do the things I need to do.
Do the things I can do, and want to do.
And live a little you know.

I choose.
M.

moment

How good is it to just sit down sometimes.

Moment.
M.

hey guys

Today is Nanny-day!
My nephew is getting here soon and my desire to be an awesome auntie always kicks in.
I don't know what we're going to do yet, but I sure know he's gonna have fun!

Also, any day when it appears that I have a lot of hair on my head is automatically a good day.

And so, I'm gonna turn the Nanny wheel and see what I come up with.
And I started some interesting drafts late last night which I plan to finish today.

PS, had a very unexpected dream. You know when someone arrives in your dream and you wake up in the morning going "WHERE did you come from?" But it was a nice dream so no harm done.

With love.
M.

my visuals

So far, so good.
These are just a few photos from the past few days.

Sunday was the Estonian Independence Day so a big national celebration here. And so me, and dad+Mrs went to see the flag raised at sunrise (7:33am) and then because I am just so full of good ideas we ended up going for breakfast at like, just before 8am. Pancakes, juice and coffee. And had some really lovely chats.

And then today, because it was sunny, I wore sunglasses (E. reminded me of this option. And that suited me juuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine.)

(And there's two more pictures from Sunday. One is this fit chocolate cake I made, that had our "Tall Hermann" tower on it. So proud of my artistic flare, a la mothertrucking icing sugar. And I loved mum's table setting colours so papped that too.)

Visuals. 
M.

zzz..

So this sleeping thing they do nowadays...
Where are the z's? Seriously?

I want to sleep and I'm so awake.
Downside of a productive buzzy day.

must
wind
down

Goodnight, sweets. 
M.

va-va-voom!

If you want it, I'm gonna be Va-Va-Voom.
I like "too much".

M.

kardashians

Last night was hard.
I don't even know why but I just got so frustrated, with the endless packing (seems endless), and not having a date.
This is so boring, for everyone. Truly, truly boring.

SO.
New day, new stuff.
And for now I'm letting the Kardashian sisters cheer me up.
I don't like reality-TV really, it's never been my thing. And from what I knew about Kim Kardashian was like, just annoying. Void, and annoying.
But then, I don't even know how or why I started watching Keeping up with the Kardashians, and turns out they're good people. The other girls work hard, and their step-dad is a good man.
The eldest sister, Kourtney, has 2 kids with Scott Disick. Who I think is great. He's gone through some rough rough times, but it's so clear that those two love each other to the Moon and back.

And also, Kourtney, Khloe and Scott doing the rain dance, cause they're bored, is pretty great.

Cheer up Monday.
M.

hat and snow day!

So I always find that after I've changed my hair, either cut it or dyed it, I wake up the next day thinking "is this ACTUALLY nice?"
Especially the times when I've done it myself.
Like yesterday.
So this morning was one of those.

But luckily I'm still pleased with having a whole bunch of hair in the bin and not on my head anymore.
Also, can I just say, the joy that I feel for being able to have some of my hair in front of my face is unbelievable.

It's snowing fairly decent amounts today. And because it's -2 the snow is actually staying with us.
And therefore I've declared today a snow-day!
And a hat-day!

Happy Hat and Snow Day.
M.

under the same sun

This movie, "Under the Tuscan Sun", has been with me through every move I've ever seen.
I don't know how I found it, but it just arrived in my life and it has stayed.
I haven't seen many movies that have this effect on me. It's a mixture of brilliant writing (based on an autobiographical novel), a brilliant performance by Diane Lane, the colours of Tuscany, the great excitement-creating soundtrack and just, the sense of life giving new exciting opportunities, even when you really really do not expect any of them.
And as is the tradition, with boxes comes "Under the Tuscan Sun".
Yes, yes, yes.

The tap.
Hmm, interesting.
There's this 'tap' theme. I don't want to give much away, in the hopes you'll watch it one day when you need a pick-me-up. But yeah, maybe that's why I like the idea of "the tap".
Interesting..

Bramasole.
Bramare, to yearn for, and Sole, the sun.
Yes, beautiful.

Say "yes".
With love.
M.

healing

So I found this photo, from like a few weeks back.
We had had a gig in a really really cold church, again, and I wasn't feeling good at all after it.
So, what helps for everything? A shot of vodka. Seriously. I don't even know why, but honestly it helps, to warm up. Properly warm up. Cause the feeling of damp cold in my bones is one which I don't like, at all. And also one which, the morning after, results in a full-blown cold. No thanks.
And since it was Christmas, which means mum gets some caviar, I decided to heal everything through the medium of vodka and caviar. And I papped it, because it was just so ridiculous. (That and my festively garish nails.)

The second one is my fresh baby-face today. I haven't posted a self-take from my bathroom in a while so I felt it was so fitting.

Hope you're all having a good day.
M.

Rise of the Guardians (2012)

GOOD FUN, GUYS!
Saw this yesterday with my nephew, and it was the 3D showing which I usually ignore. Most movies are just better in 2D.
BUT. Firstly, you could tell this was conceived with 3D in mind, which makes a huge difference. It had some stunning 3D moments. And the whole thing is really a Disneyland-joyride so 3D suits it fine.
It was dubbed into Estonian, but quite well done.
And it had a nice heartwarming point to it! Fit for all adults as well - "Don't forget to play, y'all."So all in all, this was great!

Sandman was my fave.
M.

YES!

turn right, or turn wrong

i've been thinking about this wrong
i've been thinking about singing wrong
cause i've always thought that at the point where i would rather not breathe, singing is not gonna improve anything, that it will just highlight what i can't do, or what i should be doing better.
BUT.
it's wrong.
singing is just the thing i'll need to do then, because all i need to do is follow what's already been written down for me.
that's all.
so simple, so clear-cut, so straight, in every way. so comforting, so steady and stable.
so clean. so clear.
so transparent.
so sure. and unchanging.
feet on the ground, something to latch on to.

i've been thinking about this wrong, i think.
M.

melon

A.J. bought me a melon!
So sweet.
A honeydew melon portion. So cute.
SOOO cute.

I'm still wearing my leathery wrist-band-thing from Hvar.
It's going strong.

I had a lot of hair yesterday.
And this was good.

Brain-dead Friday.
M.

maybe

Maybe it's too much - these big cities.

I mean, why are all these people here?
I went down to the shops today, and on my way to our microcosm I must have seen at least 20 different nationalities?
Not an anthropological experiment, but a trip to the bank, and then to the shops.
20 nationalities. At least.

Why are they all here?
I know why I am here.
Why are they all here?
But it was nice today.
I decided to smile at everyone basically. Not annoyingly though - just had a look about me that implied that I was not going to stab or shoot anyone at all (that is what "smiling at people" means here, most of the time. And okay, it depends where you are, and everything. Whatever.)
I had a chat with this girl, about her coat. (Leopard print. Turned out it was from H&M.)
Then I went to some Polish shop that I passed and got some nice tomato-and-pepper sauce.

There is an interesting play called "San Diego", by ...I've completely forgotten, and for the sake of this argument doesn't really matter (David Craig maybe?), anyway - an interesting play, "San Diego".
Amongst other things, it talks about ideas of belonging, and placement/displacement.
There's a bit in it where he discusses the amount of people a human mind can actually fully comprehend, as a microcosm of living together.
I seem to remember the number was 250.
Two hundred, and fifty.
That's the number of people at which the human mind still fully grasps its community.


Maybe it is too much.
M.