bodies

As summer is basically here for all intensive purposes, I have found myself thinking more and more about bodies.

It's always a topic - bikini bodies, summer bodies. 

For me personally the idea of faffing around in a bikini is not a problem, I don't cry about it.

However having said this, the approach of summer does make me think about the shape I'm in and how exactly I feel about this.

And then just now, I was on the bus, and I realized that I was telling myself that I shouldn't get into this summer shape excitement.

But why not though!

For starters, I'm lazy.

So therefore this is not brought about by a gnawing discontent with my softer parts, rather I just find myself faced with the realization that I do - for the most part of the year - neglect my body.

And the rebirth of the bikini summer time just makes me feel as if I'm meeting an old friend again, or as if all of a sudden I realized I've kept my pet locked in the basement. Which I wouldn't do.

So why does this body neglect happen.

I always get this omg summer is coming now let's get fit panic, and I think it can very easily come across as a response to the pressure from society to look as a stick, or whatever.

Truth is, this just comes - for me - from quite a positive place. Not go mental and shrink down on a leaf diet to fit into size Child swimwear, BUT it comes from a place of goddamnit sorry thighs that you haven't run or danced in so long, sorry arms that you haven't punched anything, sorry back that you haven't been bent. And sorry insides that I don't fuel you better.

I don't know if any women who get this summer approach panic excitement thing are with me on this one, but I just thought I'd share,y'know. 

It's not about punishing my fat layer because the sun is out. (Whatt.)

It's about letting my muscles run and jump, because the sun is out.

To an onlooking stranger both can seem the same I think. The reality is vastly different.

To me it's a reminder that I have this miraculous tool, my body, and a reminder of how much I DO like it.

(Even if the last time I really worked out was in October........)

(.....)

And I wanna do more!

SO.

Go crazy for your body beautiful, because it's amazing, because it's summer, because you have all the fresh things to eat.

Use the summer beach excitement to bounce about and whatever tinkles your nipples. do it.
Do whatever makes you feel great and celebrate.

This is actually going to be my solid spring-summer theme - celebrating.



Yours truly.
As always.
M.

news

ALMOST time for some COOL news!

Almost.


For now, I'm drinking tea, clearing out things, and thinking about cool things that could and should happen in my life.
And spring is coming!
May-June-July.

MAY-JUNE-JULY.

For any of you who don't know, these months in Tallinn are GLORIOUS.


So peace out, my darlings!
Magic is something you make.
Follow your own heart, and s_rew all else.

WITH LOVE.
Always.
M.

home

You can have the home you want.
Even if you're technically not a million miles away from civilisation.
You can still have the life, the atmosphere.

I saw it today.
Went to a rehearsal.
The guitarist who's summerhouse I was at for a while, this August.
And today we had a rehearsal at his house, technically in Tallinn.
But to the quieter, seaside suburb.

And Jesus wept, what a house.
The same atmosphere as in the summer house.

That's what I want.
I'd never seen anything like that.
That sort of atmosphere, not somewhere far far far away.

Magic.


Yours truly.
M.

last days of summer

Hello, 4th of September.
The nights have got really cold, but today was super nice.
So we were pretending it's still summer.

Happy pretend-summer.

Yours truly.
M.

today

The weather today is literally divine.


So, what's your definition of being successful?

There's this blog I sometimes check, when in need of something. I'm not her biggest fan, but sometimes she hits the right notes.http://www.bexlife.com/
I was listening to Bex's half an hour talk earlier on. And she stopped on the question of what we perceive as "success".

I mean, success is what people crave, very often. But what exactly do we perceive as "success"?
So, success for me, I guess, is living a life with health and family, a life in which I do what I enjoy, have people to share it with, and get paid good money. Enough to have freedom to travel, and explore the world. Challenging myself, and excelling at being Myself.

She had some pointers, some of which I really enjoyed -Identify your passion, write down things you love doing (even if this is watching trashy TV, or growing chickens in your back yard), circle the things that people might pay you for, and what people thank you for on a regular basis.
All extremely and I mean extremely useful things to do.

"Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard."
AEM said this to me, back when I lived in London. And he's right. I don't work hard enough, for my own measure. I used to work hard, now I pretend to work hard.
At this point can I just say I rock at deceit. I really do. I can convince everyone, including myself, of how "hard-working I am".
Lies.

Another one that I've always enjoyed, so much -
"Success happens when opportunity meets preparation."
This should put everyone's fear of failure (the greatest hinderance) to rest.
Do the preparation, do the homework, the go and channel it at the right people.
Boom.
I mean, life really is that simple.
We just like over-complicating it, starting with your's truly.

And so what I took from her and what I really plan on doing is this.
Work from "success" backwards.

In other words, take your idea of success and break it down, tracing it in backward steps.
Is doing whatever you're doing RIGHT NOW going to help you in the life you want, or is doing what you're doing the behaviour of the kind of person you want to be?

In order to be, you have to do.
There's no way around it.

So ask for opportunities, ask for favours.
And be ready to return them.
The asking for opportunities is something I really have to start doing.

And let's be honest, the whole aim of the game is to learn how to be "Best at being me".

I mean, I want to get to a point where I have opportunities of singing and making other art and/or connections in Europe and around the world, so I have to start behaving like that person.
As opposed to shutting myself off, and building this ridiculous shell.
Makes no sense.

In order to be, you have to do.

And after-all, it's summer, everything is fine, it's a Thursday, and the sun will rise tomorrow, so why not give it a go.

From the depths of Yoloheim.
Yours truly.
M.

home comforts

This and this.

Since two-thirds of the summer are over, there's a part of me that already has an eye on the coming of autumn.
It is forever on my mind.
Time for home comforts.



Another thing I found was this.
I really want a wall like this.
My homage to sea, which I love, all quiet, terrible and utterly free.
It is where I'm most at peace.



I feel really ..un-ordered.
In my thoughts.
Like, old baggage.
Leftovers.
But, nothing that pen and paper can't handle.

Work to be done.
M.

the Return

And once again, I'm back!

These past few months have just been a string of leavings and returnings.
And so I have once again returned from Finland.

My stay with A. was super peaceful.
We did some rowing (I have a blister hole in my hand to prove it), spent a lot of sauna time, had some excellent food cooked by her parents, points to a marvellous stake a la Father, did some talking, a lot of board-gaming, face-masking, sunning, reading, tea-drinking, plenty of sleeping and so forth.
In one word: summering.

Sadly I have absolutely no photos.

So yes, I've no returned to Tallinn with a head full of thoughts, that need to be organised.
Pronto.

And I'm also planning to go back to Finland again, next week.

Summer-time.
M.

Last week in visuals

Down South.

I decided to pick some blueberries in preparation for the breakfast next day.

Our gig on one of the islands. Obviously an actual storm hit when we arrived.
Everything tried to fly away, from the music, to the music stands, to like, the sound stuff.
It was super. My inner storm wolf was pleased.

Beach attire. We stayed at my auntie's house, which is next to this lake.
Needless to say, I spent every minute I had to spare there.

The pianist dude we're driving around with said the other day that we've passed the 4000km mark.
Happy July!

We gigged at this manor house as well.
And the owner is a super cool man.
Best idea in the world - hammocks all around the place.

My auntie's house.

lately

Lately I've been thinking a lot about where I'm gonna go next, with my life.
I know there is a next step that needs to be taken, but what is it I cannot say to save my life.

I sometimes read my past posts from the few months gone by (I write so much I never remember all the stuff I've blurted out).
And at some point not too long ago I wrote this post in which I was talking about the life I want.

Amongst many other things I said:

"I want to get my feet wet, travel and sing."


As always, I don't remember having paid this sentence any attention what-so-ever. Which is a good thing, otherwise I would not have written it down quite like this.
It just feels like a key, to something.
A door or a portal to the next part of my life.

"I want to get my feet wet, travel and sing."

And below are the pictures from yesterday.
Another full house!

Have a good Thursday!
M.


This was the mirror in the church.
OH and then we climbed the church tower, that was super cool.

kesäaika

I'm super in the mood for blogging.
This is nice.

https://soundcloud.com/onlychillstep
First of all, this is my current beat.
100% current beat.
This was our Fin-dventure soundtrack as well.
I plan to walk in chillstep through this summer, and onwards.



I have quite the to-do list for today but currently I am concentrating on coffee, an elongated breakfast and 24.
Jack Bauer is not having a good day, as per usual.
Later on I think I'll go over the things I figured out in Finland, and make some coherent notes.

I start the tour in exactly a week.
This means it's get-your-thoughts-focused-o'clock.
And it's only 11.30AM.

Sometimes it's hard just be to okay. Scrap that - not okay, rather "awesome".
What I mean is - because there's this constant sense of "I have to do this", or "I have to do that", and all these thoughts about life and career and whatever, along with some problems, and "issues". Blah blah.
So, it becomes hard to just ride the wave. And genuinely say, yes, I'm doing really well, and not for a day or so, but for a longer period of time.
But this is what we all need to practice.

Kyllä tämä kesäaika kestää koko elämän.

I'm doing pretty super, thanks.
M.

reading list

...from Rachel Brathen.
If you don't know her, go check her out.
http://www.rachelbrathen.com/

Anyway.
A super short reading list I plan to come back to after Finland and Midsommar.
Law of Attraction by Esther Hicks.
And also some Eckhart Tolle. I think this has been a long time coming.

I hope I get along well with these books.
I want some reading to really, really shake my brain.

And it's also time to update the blog appearance once more.
This always means a time to get back to writing and drawing and doing creative things a lot more.
Cause it annoys me to no end when I realise that I've been in a non-creative hole for a bit.

Oh, also, I realised the tour is starting soon so I want to start practising the piano, ready to utilise the grand pianos in the concert places.
So excited. For this.
Seriously.

And so here I am, downloading some music, drinking tea, and getting ready for my Fin-dventure a la Midsommar-madness.
Packing list also includes:
Swimsuit (for the forest lake YES)
Drawing pad (I need to sharpen dem pencils)
"Women who run with the wolves" (Recommend strongly)
And of course, in true Nordic style, mosquito repellent.

Have a super awesome weekend everyone.
I plan to return on Monday night having spent time drawing, swimming, breathing, meditating, probably skipping over some meadows, and just resting. Fingers crossed I get to row a boat. That would simply be nothing short of ideal.

So.
Not to underestimate the weekend ahead.
Not only is it the turning point in the year, and the seasons, plus it should also be some crazy moon situation, as I've heard.
Think good thoughts.
The shortest night of the year is so good for this.
And those Nordic ones reading this, go into a forest and see what's going on.
I mean, there's a reason our ancestors did that. Go find your luck and good fortune.
Spend some nature time. Get muddy and dewy and wet.

HAPPY SOLSTICE.
I'll leave you with Lana.

Peace.
M.

tourist(s)

Sunday was a day for tourists.
And we were the tourists.
Me and the Spanish one.

Walked about, a lot.
And just enjoyed Tallinn.
Our capital, our darling capital.

And it was the first day of summer season legs for me.
Somewhat blue and pasty, it was sooo nice.
And my hatttttt.
And my Barbie satchel. That I've had since I was 5.

Here's one for syncing energies.

Ride the wave.
M.

summer

26 degrees and my hat came out to play.

Hello, hat.
M.

run

visual

l'été

And as usual, I miss the summer.
But it's coming.

Slowly, but surely, it will come.
M.

as soon as

First of all, can I just say, how ecstatic I am that I have time to blog.
This started out a long time ago as just a one-post-every-few-months. A few of us left the country, either to study somewhere else, or for a year abroad, and the easiest thing to keep a finger on the pulse with all these now-international friends was blogs.
And then when I ran into a tricky patch I stopped completely. It cracks me up, seriously. There are like, 6-7 month holes in my blogging, back in the day. This seems so silly now.
I think I stopped because I was too tired or too sad to post "all the happy things". I mean, what? Why should I be impressing anyone with this anyway? Seems so silly.
So therefore I now use this space to think out loud. I like being alone, thinking on my own, and this is a superb way of recording this process.

So therefore, I'm so pleased about this.
Thank you for reading. I hope I don't pour too much develop-and-grow-in-yourself stuff on you.

Back to the post.

As soon as summer comes, and I will visit A. in STHLM, or when she's in HEL on her island, THIS is happening.
And oh my oh my, I'm already looking forward to it.
As soon as I get my ass over the January line it feels like spring is creeping (for me). And if spring is creeping, I start making summer plans.
And this is one of them.

Rowing boats. Why do I love thee so.
M.

to my beloved summer

This has been a truly inspired Wednesday. (half-irony)

I went to see a new production of "Faust" at the Estonian National today. It was good. I loved the production/staging and the way they had played with the shift in action when Satan comes along. As it should be. I mean, that is just a mental turn of affairs in itself? Satan, physically, turns up. Against all odds. And I think there are no other ways of seeing it, really.. Satan is trouble, and chaos. (In the operatic, and literary sense.) Otherwise Satan could/would be something else. Whatev.
As an aftermath I did listen to about 3-4 hours of Natalie Dessay and felt great about the universe.

Then Wednesday stopped being inspired, and started being -- this.

I've been ploughing through home magazines. I'm riding the high so much. I want to have a nest, my own "box" if that's all it is. But I want it. And I want to put all my crap in it. And it will be my crap. And I will invite someone over for tea.
Or someone over for instant noodles because I might not yet have a kitchen.
Or give someone a place to stay after a night out when they can't find a cab.
Or just a place to come and borrow sugar.
Or a hairbrush.
Or some music.
Or some DVDs.
Or borrow socks.
Or a dress for going out.
Or whatever the hell one might need, at any given point in time.
Or come cry.
Or come tell ridiculous stories from the night before.
Or just for some wine, and a big fat catch-up.
Or just come do a whole load of absolute-whatever.

And it shall be (so) glorious.

Today was the day I realised summer was gone for good. Not that the weather's been cheating or anything - it's proper autumn. It's just my extended holiday has kept me somewhat under the idea - not idea necessarily, rather the feeling - that summer was still here, or some of the holiday-ness of it all.
But then this inspired Wednesday for some reason carried with it the knowledge that it was over. Officially. My summer of 2012 is finito. Byyyeee!

And it has been great.
And I think it's going to carry some of its wonderfulness into the 2012/13 season. Or at least I've really got my fingers crossed for that.
But dear, oh dear, it's been wonderful.

So, I would like to take this tiny second to thank all the [insert word that means makes one jump up and down a little in sincere, unspoilt joy] people who've been around at some point or another this summer. Cause it was great. Simple as.
You've made me laugh, or (very) happy, or just given me some of that everything-is-so-awesome-actually type-of-contentment feeling, or made me feel in general, or made me act like a true idiot, which usually is the absolute best of it all.


I took this picture (below) yesterday. And yesterday was fantastic.
Thank you, summer.
I'll see you again next year.
I will miss you.
You have been so good to me this year, and you will forever be my favourite.

With love and gratitude,
Yours
M.

L'ÉTÉ

Now, let us all wink at this image, please.