ability

It's quite odd.
How my ability to marvel, anything and everything, which I usually hold as my favourite characteristic about myself, just kind of disappears into the cracks in Tallinn.
God knows why.

It's getting REALLY BORING.

Maybe once I get a new flat.
And have a vinyl record player.
And I can play old recordings of Beethoven, and Rachmaninov, and Gershwin.
From that shop.
The shop we went to.
(..good god, I was happy)
Maybe when I have my own kitchen.
Where I can cook all the things I want to cook.
With my music.
And my books on a shelf.
The way I want them.
And my things.
My things in their places, and my order.
My scores, and learning the scores.
Painting, and drawing, and dancing, and laughing or crying.
Just BEING. Like I want to be.
And my cigarette breaks, on the window sill.
With really cold air.
My my my my my my.
Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine.
Mine.
Just unwatched, unmeasured, unassessed.
Unobserved.
Free to create through just being.

All of the things that I've seen this year:
All of the things that I've felt this year.
This has been quite the year.
I need to take it easy, so so easy.

I suck at seeing the larger context.
I just forget.
I really should keep that in mind.
The larger context.
Of everything.

How much change, and disappointment, and then growth, and Love can a person digest, without any side effects, in less than a year.


I'm a master of painting over and painting over and over, things with things.
Painting over, and deceit.


In other news, however, some hair colour inspiration.

Yours truly.
M.

Sunday

Today has been very calm.
Woke up, had some breakfast and went to help dad with building a fence.
Pictures to follow.
And now I'm taking some nap-time, then packing my bags and going to gig number 15.

But for now, some visuals.

With love.
M.

i do not have a plan

I don't.

That's the long and short of it: "I. do not. have. a plan."

I started this post on the ..maybe the 11th of August.
But now I'm back in business. I think this no-plan business was largely brought on due to some emotional rollercoaster-ing. No one knows.
But now we're back in business. And I'm listening to Croatian radio. And 212, trying to learn it by heart for E.

The reason I write in English is because it distances things slightly. I think I'd live through everything a bit too hardcore in Estonian.

This is a really good Croatian radio station, called Borovo I think.

And now it's the 20th of August. And I'm back in Tallinn, and there's WORK TO BE DONE.

Man with a plan.M.