freedom

From http://lazyyogi.org/
Love him.

And I love all of you right now.

Light.
Yours truly.
M.

“Discipline, as understood by a warrior, is creative, open, and produces freedom. It is the ability to face the unknown, transforming the feeling of knowing into reverent astonishment; of considering things that exceed the scope of our habits, and daring to face the only war that is worthwhile: The battle for awareness.” ~ Castaneda

Discipline has a negative connotation to most people. It definitely had that connotation for me in the past. Meditation changed that for me. 

On the outside, it looks very disciplined to sit for an hour each day in absolute stillness and silence. But on the inside, it is incredibly freeing. 

Take the idea of focusing, for example. When your mind is scattered in several different directions, then it seems like it takes effort to focus. But when you are entirely present in this moment with what you are doing, then focus is natural. It is effortless. How hard do you have to focus when doing something you love? The focus comes spontaneously. 

Well, when you are always present with what is going on, that focus is natural to you. The same goes for discipline. It is a matter of clarifying your aspiration and aligning your desire in every moment. 

If you are always battling with conflicting thoughts and feelings, you will only succeed in making yourself exhausted. Recognize what you really want and need and how those two are one. Then sacrifice all of your urges and desires that stand in the way. 

Self discipline means to remain unmoved by the transient and unimportant things that crop up on a moment to moment basis. This comes with practice and familiarity. 

But it is also worth noting that the discipline is only thought of as such when those conflicts are there. Once distraction and inner conflict hold now power over you, then there is just peace and the natural way of going with the flow of your life, the Tao. Not resisting what must be done and not avoiding anything. 

Namaste

ability

It's quite odd.
How my ability to marvel, anything and everything, which I usually hold as my favourite characteristic about myself, just kind of disappears into the cracks in Tallinn.
God knows why.

It's getting REALLY BORING.

Maybe once I get a new flat.
And have a vinyl record player.
And I can play old recordings of Beethoven, and Rachmaninov, and Gershwin.
From that shop.
The shop we went to.
(..good god, I was happy)
Maybe when I have my own kitchen.
Where I can cook all the things I want to cook.
With my music.
And my books on a shelf.
The way I want them.
And my things.
My things in their places, and my order.
My scores, and learning the scores.
Painting, and drawing, and dancing, and laughing or crying.
Just BEING. Like I want to be.
And my cigarette breaks, on the window sill.
With really cold air.
My my my my my my.
Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine.
Mine.
Just unwatched, unmeasured, unassessed.
Unobserved.
Free to create through just being.

All of the things that I've seen this year:
All of the things that I've felt this year.
This has been quite the year.
I need to take it easy, so so easy.

I suck at seeing the larger context.
I just forget.
I really should keep that in mind.
The larger context.
Of everything.

How much change, and disappointment, and then growth, and Love can a person digest, without any side effects, in less than a year.


I'm a master of painting over and painting over and over, things with things.
Painting over, and deceit.


In other news, however, some hair colour inspiration.

Yours truly.
M.

imma upgrade

what kind of a person do i honestly want to be?

i seriously plan to upgrade.
seriously

and that's the question, rather than anything else

down to the little details

the V-Maria
the version
can do the splits
wakes up early to have a lovely breakfast time
has a positive future vision
does not postpone anything at all to the last second
keeps a clear structure of what she needs to do (to-do lists)
works out, because she loves it
knows when to ask for advice
makes her intuitive ideas a reality
takes time to meditate
works on her yoga practice
plays the piano
makes time for herself
dedicates time to living her life as herself
doesn't forget her drawing and photography
doesn't waste time on empty worrying or anxiety
keeps positive reminders in her space
eats good food
works at her languages

this
signifies
living
my
life

So that's what and who i actually want to be.


GO BE IT.
M.

create

I'm not creating, anything.
Lately.

Why.

Ridiculous.
M.

love

http://dani.metromode.se/

I've spoken about Dani's blog before.

This time she was talking about love. Not my usual topic, but it was just so simple.
Enough of the introduction, I'll just forward what she wrote.

‘’Love is what we were born with.  Fear is what we learned here.’’ Marianne Williamson.

LOVE BEGINS WITH YOU: Your inner voice is where your story of love begins: It is hard to feel worthy of love if someone is criticizing you all the time and especially if that someone is talking in your head.

True love isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated.

Love and kindness is a way of living.  Where there is love, there is no judgment.  Where there is judgment, there is no love.

Love is the great transformer,  the greatest medicine to heal the whole world.

Love is something you and I must have.  We must have it because our spirit feeds upon it.

Love is the greatest healing power of all.

Love fuels passion, hope and desire. It generates creativity giving us purpose and making us feel alive.

 All your love matters and makes a difference.

 Love is accepting others as they are, allow them to be themselves and stop trying to change them.

"Our life is a reflection of what we believe we deserve."

"

So what do you think you deserve?

Love.
M.

theatre

jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus


I want to have my hands and forearms elbow-deep in theatre.

Elbow
Deep

pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.
M.

Amelie

I don't know how this always finds its way to me, but this composer's music and I just seem to meet a lot.
You know, like when there's a thing that you just notice, again and again, without seeking it out.
Like when someone's talking about it, or you hear it somewhere, etc.

I love the film pretty whole-heartedly. If you haven't seen it, I really really really recommend it.
Some seriously super-super storytelling.

Composer Yann Tiersen. Awesome human.

Amelie.
M.