packing, and emotions

And once again - it's happening!

I'm going somewhere.
Destination this time: STOCKHOLM.




It's been 5 months since my last visit to the Lolcat town and A. and I decided it was simply time for the next leg of this TLN-STHLM romance.
I leave tonight, and back on Monday.

Plans are:
*coffee
*walks
*pastry
*cheeseburger
*movies (ARAGORN)
*sofa

That's it.

So I'm currently just packing, need to shower and get myself into travelling order.
Pisces and I are going to a yoga class before the flight.
It will be such a nice to kick-start an absolutely stress-free weekend.


Not that I've been stressed lately.
It's not stress.
I've just realised how much I repress myself emotionally.
So for the past week I've been concentrating on feeling as much as possible.
This has worked through theatre, a MUSE concert cinema broadcast and some other things.

I'll elaborate on these soon - UH-MAZING.

But in short - overdose.
I thought I'd rather bash myself on the head with feeling-feeling-feeling-feeling-feeling, y'know?
And then do this STHLM break and return calm and ready to deal with emotions on a running daily basis.

Makes sense to me.
And I really hope this actually works in practice as well.

At the moment I'm still too drained from all of it to come to any conclusions or notice a difference.
But I bet it's there, waiting for the storm to calm and then shine like a frikkin' angel.

And so.
I leave you for now.
Off to pack (one pair of jeans, and an array of jumpers), then to curl my hair (just. because) and go to town.
Simple pleasures.
Can't always hang your hat on the hot and heavy.
And when I say this, I do speak from experience.

I tend to get too snobby sometimes for calling time on the analysis.
Analysis is vital.
And I will not back from this.
But sometimes, just curl the hair, and drink the coffee, and wear the pink, and just whatever.
Sometimes just whatever it all, because we don't want you to get tired.


So take a break.


Love and light.
Yours truly.
M.

ability

It's quite odd.
How my ability to marvel, anything and everything, which I usually hold as my favourite characteristic about myself, just kind of disappears into the cracks in Tallinn.
God knows why.

It's getting REALLY BORING.

Maybe once I get a new flat.
And have a vinyl record player.
And I can play old recordings of Beethoven, and Rachmaninov, and Gershwin.
From that shop.
The shop we went to.
(..good god, I was happy)
Maybe when I have my own kitchen.
Where I can cook all the things I want to cook.
With my music.
And my books on a shelf.
The way I want them.
And my things.
My things in their places, and my order.
My scores, and learning the scores.
Painting, and drawing, and dancing, and laughing or crying.
Just BEING. Like I want to be.
And my cigarette breaks, on the window sill.
With really cold air.
My my my my my my.
Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine.
Mine.
Just unwatched, unmeasured, unassessed.
Unobserved.
Free to create through just being.

All of the things that I've seen this year:
All of the things that I've felt this year.
This has been quite the year.
I need to take it easy, so so easy.

I suck at seeing the larger context.
I just forget.
I really should keep that in mind.
The larger context.
Of everything.

How much change, and disappointment, and then growth, and Love can a person digest, without any side effects, in less than a year.


I'm a master of painting over and painting over and over, things with things.
Painting over, and deceit.


In other news, however, some hair colour inspiration.

Yours truly.
M.

turn it into

There was this thing somewhere - "Don't dwell on the past, but turn it into art."

I have been creating somewhat lately, or at least I don't feel uninspired.

But still, I feel, there's so so much room, for more.
So many things I want to do and so so many things I want to accomplish.

So many ideas that are kind of there, but kind of not.
Seedlings.

But hey, can't rush stuff.
It gets there, when it gets there.
And I'm not brave enough to talk loudly of not-even-new-born ideas.
But soon.
I'd love to talk about these things, out loud, soon.

For now, keep creating.
And I'll do the same.

Yours truly.
M.