light the way

I must not forget this.



I don't believe in guardian angels really. Mum always has but they have never been my thing.
But many people along the way have said that I apparently have many.
As I said - it has never been my thing.

I now see it existed, for that reason.
As a guardian, to show me how exactly to carry on living my life.
Which is also why I saw the skies and the entire universe through it.
And myself, and my childhood, and the life I want.
The person I am, the person I could be, the person I do not wish to be.

And Love as I've imagined it.


Not to keep it this time, but to show me the way and path on which to carry on living my life.
Which is what I asked for.
Which is exactly what I asked for.
Direction and purpose.
For someone to show me the direction.

But I am only human so it has taken me this long to see it for what it was.
And as opposed to mourn the loss of something I thought I wanted to keep, I should rather be so grateful that I had this experience, this chance to shift my path.
To grow, and to change. Into someone a lot more like Me.

Because that's the greatest gift any one of us will ever receive.
And right now, I'm so grateful, it's stupendous.

And all this sense of loss or being deprived of something has gone, and all that remains is just gratitude, for having been given the chance to grow like that.
To have this reminder.
To have this sign-post.

It was never mine to keep, but it appeared to show me the direction.
Like in the folk tales.


And I have the Kaleidoscope to keep.
M.

Friday

Well this weekend brought lots of new ridiculousness!
I'll have to post this in several goes.

Friday was lots of scaffolding stuff, of course.
But the evening brought with it "Tour de Night" (Tour d'ÖÖ in Estonian) - one of the main events of Tallinn Bicycle week.
It was basically wayy over a 1000 cyclists cruising around Tallinn. The Spaniard and I went along as well.
AND IT WAS AWESOME!

The beginning was fairly slow, cause there were just so many cyclists.
But as we got going it was so much fun it was ridiculous!
And I was so happy Spaniard came with me so we got a chance to share all the fun.
Afterwards we went to McDo on our bikes, Drive-In, thank you very much.
And then into town - on our bikes.
Seriously - this Friday was so golden!
We biked back around 2am. We took hold of the bus lane because why not. We were singing our hearts out and seriously, it was one of the best Fridays I can remember.
Spanish one went to her friends and I went home.
GOLDEN, I tell you.

And all of a sudden I've really fallen in love with this whole cycling thing. The city just shows a really different face when you're a cyclist, and it's a very very nice face.

Stay cycling, boys and girls.
M.

(I love the plastic bag. This was the very beginning of the night and I was on my way to dad's to pick up a bike lock and a backpack which is now my new friend.)

A pap from the Tour d'ÖÖ in May.

enough

How gracefully we let go of the things that are not meant for us.

Enough, child. Enough now.

Really, honestly - enough.
M.

experience, my darling

Okay, I feel like I should write a semi-conclusive post about the experiences I've had of late.
There's so much stuff that I think I'm already starting to forget.
And I don't write this up anywhere.

So, where do we start.


Prince Rama and the birthday of the Cinema "Friendship", yesterday.
And the girls being super.
Imagine Dragons - Radioactive. Thankyou, A.
Make my systems blow.
New friends and people, S. and K. and E. a little.
And going out with K, and V.
RHIZOME.
Mutantants.
Tallinn Music Week in Von Krahl.
And Inga Copeland in Von Krahl - the music music music

Spanish one's truth time hitting the nail
on the head

Dance more
Dance
so much dancing lately

Easter service singing

Skype conference talking.
More safety in my own decisions

Della Reese and my ringtone "Come on a my house".
Best decision ever
ever

And one of the songs K sent me just making me get up, around 1am, and spending 6 minutes upside down. Mostly in downward dog, leg up, and trying to get back to my friend, supported headstand.
Why
no one knows
And Hallelujah emerging.
Last time I listened to that, 2nd of September 2006.
And it came back last night
Like I told myself not to listen to it unless I'm home.

Dying my hair dark
Lifting heavy stuff
Warrior time

Rhizome Rave
And new people, new people

And K and M-L.
Just, YES.
YES
And dancing with A.
The dancing

And whiskey shots and freedom

And my Guru cousin's lectures and seminars.
New insight
And logical insight
Techniques and things to do, how to get rid of the unwanted.
And everything to do with his place, Lilleoru.
Flowervalley

Looking for things to fan my flames.

The greedy kid being not greedy.
Change yourself and the world around you will change.



In conclusion.
The not-so-subtle message:

WELCOME
TO
THE
NEW
AGE

I Give Thanks.
M.


Ps, I bet I'll read this back in some time, and not understand one. single. thing.
Whatever.

And below, my trusty, trusty, trusty, trusty Hamsa.

wanderlust

My wanderlust is just out of control.



It's all I think about, every day, basically all the time.
Just this need to go and explore and adventure.
This is not a need to "go on a holiday", or to get a tan or get drunk in beach-side bars.
It's just a true yearning (the purest of these I've ever had) to go and see and explore.

This is just out of control.

Out of control wanderlust.
To See, and Breathe.

I just want to wander/wonder with an open heart with room for it to be Open.
With space, and freedom, and the safety to open up which comes with this freedom.

I mean, to be honest. I don't really need to leave the country for this.
This is not the point.
There's plenty to See here, on this tiny speck of wild land.

Plan.
Everything is possible.
I just need to plan.
Plan, plan, plan.

At least, I know what I need, and what I truly desire.

And that is good.
M.


Don't ever deny yourself your true nature.