tonight

I'm really angsty tonight.
It's so boring.
Seriously.


I put a wash on, and I'm watching this documentary, super interesting called "Forks over Knives" again about food and the effect it has on the human body, and "Food Matters".
Again, masterpieces.
SO FASCINATING!


And I'm angsty.
I don't know why but I am and it's really really snacking on my insides.
Tomorrow I'll wake up at 8AM and get stuff done.
This is not nice.


I'm getting my nails done tomorrow, and buying some crayons.
I want my hands and fingers to aid my thinking.
And I think I'm getting my body mass and all that measured tomorrow.
The pharmacies are doing it for free until the end of the month, so I thought why not.
Interesting to find out.


I hope this is gonna disappear soon.

Night, darlings.
M.

stuff

10/03

Today I woke up away from Tallinn, around 7.30AM, at the Pisces.
Her house is literally in the middle of this field.
It is divine and fills me with the purest of energies.
Coming to Tallinn never goes down too well.

Then I had a meeting.
We're recording this cover, for the summer.
Then I had a lesson.
It was ace. The Teacher is CRAY good.
Even on days like this.
I have SUCH gratitude that she exists.
SUCH gratitude.

Then I ate some cake, came home, and covered every part of myself in coconut oil.
Hair, skin, you name it.
I think it will fix everything.
Then I also cut some hair.

Then I made annotations on this aria, by Bellini.
Translated the whole thing and got my head around it a little.

And now I'm here, sat, on the sofa.
Just downloaded the new Greys Anatomy.
And soon, I'm off to bed.

I also booked some serious treatments today.
Found this Thai place in town, with Thai women doing the treatments.
I need someone with serious skills to bend me open, shift some energies and release whatever is going around in my system.
My back feels like it's carrying half of the Universe.

I feel this is the kind of week we're gonna have.
One where you really have to take care of yourself, when necessary.
Don't postpone it, don't over-look it, don't ignore.
Just listen to your body, and act accordingly.
It's your strongest nest and castle and stronghold.
Don't wreck it.
It's amazing.


Speaking of which - I should eat better.


With love.
Yours truly.
M.

8/03

Hello, guys.

I didn't find my jumper today, and I got so annoyed.

Like, angry.

Part of this magic is that the flat is still up on the real estate website, and we're waiting for the buyer. 

So I still don't have proper storage space for my clothes. 

And today I got so inhumanly annoyed, and I really didn't enjoy it.

So.

Big clothes clear out coming up. 

I realized rummaging through everything today, looking for my jumper, that I don't like half of what I have and another 25% just either is too big too small or too something.

An easy deduction and voila - I actually want to keep a quarter of everything.

And this is just clothes.

Too much STUFF clouding my space.

Even if I don't have it in my immediate surroundings, it's still there.

The energy of too.many.things.

I once told my dad that I'll want space and order to surround me once I feel ordered on the inside.

And I guess we're here then..

Just this unstructured mess and disorder annoyed me so so much.

I never gave a crap about anything like that.

So yay! 

P for Progress.

With love.

M.

LIFE MOMENT

So.

The other day in rehearsal.

I had a proper life moment.

I love having moments of clear realization or understanding about things.

And my thing at hand was my voice.

Point is.

We've had two concerts now, and it's UH-MAZING.

Seriously.

It's going so well.

I can't even.

Crazy.

So now I'm back in my room, I'm staying in the theatres quarters, watching National Treasure 2. 

I have some lemonade and a KitKat.

This concert is so cool.

It's just an incredible program and I love the people and just yep.

I am one happy cat.

Seriously.

Happy birthday, to everyone.

And good night.

I love you all.

Yours truly.

M.

turn it into

There was this thing somewhere - "Don't dwell on the past, but turn it into art."

I have been creating somewhat lately, or at least I don't feel uninspired.

But still, I feel, there's so so much room, for more.
So many things I want to do and so so many things I want to accomplish.

So many ideas that are kind of there, but kind of not.
Seedlings.

But hey, can't rush stuff.
It gets there, when it gets there.
And I'm not brave enough to talk loudly of not-even-new-born ideas.
But soon.
I'd love to talk about these things, out loud, soon.

For now, keep creating.
And I'll do the same.

Yours truly.
M.

Tuesday

This was "Tuesday".

My mood carried on being so good, it was a little bit criminal.
And it has kind of spread its tentacles into today as well.
Which is nice, of course.

So today is gig-time!
It's almost 2:30pm, so I have 2 hours to sort my stuff.

I need to pack, make sure I have everything, and shower.
And eat.
After yesterday I literally looked like I genuinely live inside a cave-hole-thing.
It's time to sort that.

Happy Wednesday.
M.

to-do

- have a good breakfast

- pretty one and lenses
- food-shop (and band-aids!)

- clean the kitchen
- tidy livingroom
- give the key to dad
- pack clothes and bedding
- pack phone charger, and washing stuff
- take a sewing kit
- pack bikini

- oh, and stop the over-thinking

To-do.
M.

aujourd'hui

Today will consist of or has consisted of:
7AM wake-up
Writing a to-do list
Going to the library/getting music
Radio interview
Rehearsal
Figuring out what I'm singing
TV-people filming at the scaff? (actually scaffolding in the church)
Drawing a plan of who is standing where on the scaff/sending it to the sound designer


Actually, now that I've written it out like this, it doesn't sound that bad!
Woo! This was a good shout!

Peace.
M.

Let's bitch on this day.
PS, that's still a lollipop.

READING

For men, and women.
Read this, there's good stuff in there.

With love.M.

http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/comment/articles/2011-11/22/tony-parsons-men-commandments/

morning

I think every day would start just that little bit better (apart from Sunday mornings, which are just another thing entirely), with a mug like this.
Also, not every morning. But just those mornings when you need the world (or your mug) to tell you to get off your ass and do stuff.

Get shit done.
M.

day and night

What
happens
during
the
night?

I don't understand it.
I go to sleep feeling perfectly alright, having been hideously useful during the day, done some concert stuff and so forth. Watched some Brideshead Revisited. Dream of some cool theatre stuff.
And then I wake up.

And somewhere between sleeping, and becoming fully awake, something happens.
And I wake up ..not sad, or anything. Just empty I guess.

And I battle it.
I battle it with music, and melon and more Brideshead and good thoughts.
But I would like to wake up and not have to 'fight' something.

The reason I'm writing about this is because this has happen for a few days now.
And it's just getting very tiring to be honest.

These are the times.
M.

Ella

The divine.
I really should listen to more Ella.
It would fix and solve and relax a lot a lot a lot of stuff.

This song was basically the first one on Youtube, it doesn't really matter which one it is.
Point is. She has no time, no era, no nothing.
She just is.
Whatever, rhetoric fails.

Fitzgerald, I bow to you.
M.

doing things

Hey yo!
I'm doing things. Yay!
I mean, I've just set up a little work station in Vapiano, with my diary/note-book and my laptop, a latte and some biscuit thing.
And so I'm emailing people, and messaging people.
Hence, I'm doing things.
And also, I've been not doing things for so long. So I'm super happy.

And also looking for a good place where to go and finally get my drivers licence sorted.
Spring's coming.

And like Ricky Martin says, "let me undress your soul".
I mean, yes, Ricky. I hear ya.

The beat of the day is a great, great, ridiculous, and great song.

Happy Thursday, guys!
M.

stuff

There's a chance that my stuff is arriving soon!
We're talking like a week. This would be such a load off my mind. At the moment it just feels like my poor boxes are hovering somewhere around the other end of Europe. And it's just so not pleasant.

So YAY! I really hope the rest of this runs smooth.

Boxes. 
M.

nest

This is too crowded with things for me, but for about 8 hours I would like to be in this room.
Have some tea, eat some noodles. Burn some incense, and smoke some shisha, with apple tobacco, please.
And think some thoughts, and draw.

Crowded room.
M.

2012

About time for a recap.
I've been putting this off for a while, but here goes.

A good work year. When I'm doing the projects and concerts I never consider that I'm working necessarily. I enjoy it so much, and in that sense I'm hugely privileged to have a "job" like that. That I get to sing. But then in retrospective I always call it working.
So here goes. A good work year. January kicked off with a double portion of Opera Holloway. Händel and "Samson" first, and then Massenet and "Cinderella" second. Then there was the April tour which was such an awesome, ambitious project. It was my baby. I had never conceived a concert tour idea on my own, beginning to end. So it meant a lot. Then in February I found Sue, and started working with her. Then in July I had the insane summer tour, 22 concerts, in 25 days. Which was the most amazing learning opportunity. It helped me grow in the right direction so so much, and I'm so grateful for it. Then August was for Abingdon, September had the birthday celebration concert of a renowned pianist, in Talllinn. And December, again tour time.
2012 was amazing for travels. Apart from the bi-country lifestyle, I went to Switzerland in May to see A. Then there was August and Hrvatska, via Finland. And then 2 mini-trips to Stockholm, for some Scandinavian chaos and mayhem.
2012 was a good year for friends. I gained some new ones that I'm really grateful for. And saw some old ones I hadn't for a while.

2012 was a great great year for me. Just on some new found personal level, 2012 was good for me. I feel like I started thinking, actually thinking about what I was doing, and that I took responsibility for my decisions. For once, I didn't just carry on going, and I didn't think of what someone else expected of me. I took my chances and grew from my setbacks.
I think in a few decades I'll look back on this year just gone and really understand just how significant it was. I feel better than I used to, more at peace, more balanced and more grounded.
And I feel like I'm really starting to enjoy being me.
2012 also marked the beginning of my transition towards a healthier life, physically, mentally, emotionally - in every possible way. I've worked through some of my crap and I feel like I'm truly finally moving in the right direction.
It's also the year when I realised I can stop justifying. If I'm happy with what I'm doing, or what I look like, or what I'm doing with my days, then so be it. And that is all the justifying I will ever need to do.

I'm grateful for a good year and for having the amazing people in my life, my lovely lovely friends, my family and my cat, of course. Thank you for being there for me through the more or less interesting times. Thank you for having good advice and being the best motivation/inspiration. Thank you for pushing me when I'm stuck, or guiding me when I'm lost.
Thank you for a great year.
And let's make this one even better.

Here's to tuning in.
Bye-bye, 2012.
M.

old ones

Here's some photos from when A. was here, middle of Jan.
We had a great snow-day, which consisted of watching Dexter on my bed and eating a big big breakfast. Since I didn't have a breakfast tray I used a baking one instead.
And it was snowing.

And the gray long jumper I'm wearing in the bottom photo (bought from the pretty one) just induces useful-ness. So I'm wearing it today.

Happy Friday.
M.

coffee

I spoke to E. and got some motivation to do stuff!
So now I have my coffee and my apple and we're doing this!

Motivation.
M.

anger management

So, let's say you find yourself in a situation, where you have 2 simple options.
A) you break a lot of things that you would not like to get rid of
or B) find a way to NOT do this.

I would personally recommend B.
I mean, yes, it can feel superb, but trust me, the annoyance at having broken your own belongings that arrives after is dull as dishwater. So, stick with B.

My form of anger management.

Obviously followed by the 2nd movement (which is enough to literally tear your heart out with the bittersweet sounds, turn it into and pie and eat it with some vanilla whipped cream), and then the 3rd.

And/or cut your hair.

Nothing that Shostakovich can't fix.
M.