magnetic

I hope the thing that was here today and now has hopefully left was actually a magnetic storm.

Cause this day was not fun.

In other news.
- worked on the program for tomorrow
- sorted some music for a concert on the 30th so next Saturday
- did some awesome daydreaming/planning with the pretty one
- felt her babyNINJA'S HEART BEAT.
(let's just let this sink in)
- joined Instagram (I'm not yet taking pouty selfies, but knowing me, this will happen)
- watched many episodes of Hannibal (the new one with Mads Mikkelsen, LOVE)
- agreed to an interview on Monday
- and ate lasagne

So that was my day.
Tomorrow will be busy.
Wake-up, rehearsal, concert-ready, concert, rehearsal.

I really want to get all the social media things into a structure.
I mean, yeah, it's not usually my cup of tea.
And I always feel like I need to understand, visualise in my head, what role they have.
What part to play.

 So for now, I'll leave you to bedtime.

Yours truly.

M.

January 4, 2013

With the new year kick-starting, I seem to just forget to take a moment and breathe.
I won't do New Year's resolutions because they are not my style really - as in, I don't really like them.
So this year I will simply take time.
Take time to be. Cause there's such joy in being! And keep reminding myself. New habits are hard to start, but once we start a habit, the habit carries on and then forms us.
So, I will create a habit of taking time.
Taking time to make time.
I don't wish to live another year so that I get myself into ridiculous over-worked dead-ends. It's just an unpleasant waste of time, counter productive, so I am very much looking forward to saying, "yay! got rid of that".
So therefore, find an hour a day that is not tied to a laptop, or a phone, or a TV-set. 
I know I will. Just a little time to switch off.
And I am absolutely dead-certain it will make a huge difference.
I like being busy, but busy and busy are different. Once I'm so busy I would like to slice my eyeballs open - I mean, where's the fun in that. But with a little time for breathing, the busy becomes a nice busy. Like, waves. Being caught in it, buried under it, or riding it. The wave, after-all, is the same.

Ride your wave.
M.

nighttime

I completed my Wednesday to-do list!
I did all of that.
And that's pretty sweet.

Then went to stay with the Other Pisces, with the Spanish one. She lives 40 minutes out of Tallinn and it was absolutely more divine than I-lack-the-word.
We got there just in time for sunset, watched the sun go down down down on a beach. Then ate some smoked fish and watermelon and ice-cream, and then chatted about life and the universe. And got tucked into our mega-snug beds.

Morning time brought breakfast and sunbathing and more chats about life.
The energy is so good with those two - good to chat spiritual stuff. I don't think I've ever had that. So my gratitude goes out to the Universe. Muchos gracias.

And back to the capital I came, riding on a jolly yellow bus.
Did a soundcheck, saw a dance-puppet piece with E. (which was pretty super), had a rehearsal and sorted some other stuff for the Scaffolding gig (which is in TWO days?!).
AND I borrowed a bike from the pretty one and rode that home which made me happier than a pup with two tails.

Over-all, busy-Maria.
And I cannot wait to get away again.

With love.
M.

start

With the new year kick-starting, I seem to just forget to take a moment and breathe.
I won't do New Year's resolutions because they are not my style really - as in, I don't really like them.
So this year I will simply take time.
Take time to be. Cause there's such joy in being! And keep reminding myself. New habits are hard to start, but once we start a habit, the habit carries on and then forms us.
So, I will create a habit of taking time.
Taking time to make time.
I don't wish to live another year so that I get myself into ridiculous over-worked dead-ends. It's just an unpleasant waste of time, counter productive, so I am very much looking forward to saying, "yay! got rid of that".
So therefore, find an hour a day that is not tied to a laptop, or a phone, or a TV-set.
I know I will. Just a little time to switch off.
And I am absolutely dead-certain it will make a huge difference.
I like being busy, but busy and busy are different. Once I'm so busy I would like to slice my eyeballs open - I mean, where's the fun in that. But with a little time for breathing, the busy becomes a nice busy. Like, waves. Being caught in it, buried under it, or riding it. The wave, after-all, is the same.

Ride your wave.
M.

day 2

Photo-a-day-challenge word is "busy".

I don't like busy.
My year (Jan-July) ran at such an outrageous pace. Of course it is fantastic to have opportunities (and I am very grateful for them) and to really run with them. Being hardworking has never been nor will it ever be a bad thing. I think it's just learning to differentiate between hardworking and almost unforgiving.
We are all human. And I often forget that, I think.
So now I'm sacking off "busy". I've been trying to do this for a while now. It took the help of my former house mistress (boarding school) to understand that I was living in this pattern of work-work-work-burn-out-cry-be-very-ill-then-repeat. Why would anyone choose to do that?
So once I'd realised yes, that is indeed what I do, I decided to really try and work at changing this.

It's not even about how much you do. Or how "busy" the schedule is.
You can have a crazy schedule and not be busy.
Busy, for me, stands for a way of doing things. I would much rather have a lovely full schedule, of exciting projects, cool opportunities and so on, so forth, and not be going about being "busy". You can do all that, and more, be enjoying it, be productive, in control - and not dying (not literally obvs).
Maybe "busy" is the opposite of "in control" for me (not literally, more like a feeling.) "Busy" is the sense of something running away from me, or me trying to catch something. Of there being too much of too much.

So no more busy for me, thanks. I'd like some everything, a lot of it, please, but addressed with a zen-ed head on my shoulders.
"Busy" out of my brain.

So instead of capturing "busy", I will capture the opposite of busy.

These pictures were taken during my month-long session of life in Tallinn. It was divine. And not busy. I did plenty, like plenty-plenty, but I was not busy. I was very active, but no 'busy' in sight.
Ahh, Tallinn.

My yoga challenge hasn't kicked off. I will have some words with myself (ha ha). No but seriously.
But I did do some hardcore zumba today. It has hardcore. And good.

This is a ramble-y post.

What does "busy" mean to you?


Green tea, and peace out.
M.

would you stay, just a little?

"what we think, we become."
so let's think good, kids



Today's been a busy one. And tomorrow will be nice.
I need to finish some stuff. But I'll plough.
It's boring to be nice. It's nice to be nice. And it's nice to be boring at the moment.

I think I should start saying goodbye to Tallinn. I'm flying on Sunday. That's 5 nights and 4 and a half days. (Who's keeping count.)
I think that's just short of the time I'll need to say goodbye.
This is going to be so hard, I'm quivering already.

Pizza tomorrow, at E's new place. Pizza and cold cans of Coke, from her fridge, in her place.
I'm so so happy for her, just so happy about all of this.

Of course, this has fuelled my own burning desire for a place. A box. Maria's box. Maria's little box. To be honest, this must be getting boring already - considering I whine about this quite often.
But not to fear, these cogs will start turning soon.
And I'll be writing about my fridge, and my place.

We celebrated today. With some champers and cake. I think most things in life, regardless of the tonality or particular shading, should really be celebrated with cake and champagne.

Back to London.
This is the first time in 7 YEARS (that's SEVEN YEARS) that I've been in Tallinn this far into autumn. 3rd of October. This hasn't happened in 7 years.
I don't really even know what to think about it.

I'm still working towards understanding why I don't think this one is the "ideal world" I keep talking about. I'll figure it out, and start doing all the things I say I'd do.
And it will be fun.


give in to me
M.