loneliness

(This following post was brought about by the fact that I just saw an old friend who I used to be really close with in school, just when I moved here. And up until today, hadn't seen him in 4 years.)

Okay, so.
There's this thing that really confuses me. This thing that I do.

I make myself lonely.

Explanation.
I have lots of friends and lots and lots of acquaintances, that I've just gathered from Estonia and UK and all around the place, with these (almost) 7 years of travelling and roaming about the place.

Then I just seem to do my best not to see them.
And then I feel lonely.

Is it just me or like, this just does not make any sense, at all?

Okay, I would get it if I don't see anyone (apart from like my main 5-6 people) and then I'm absolutely jumping off the walls over the moon happy with this situation.
But this is not the case.

So therefore, through some logical-deduction, this makes no sense. At all.

If I don't want to be lonely, why do I make myself lonely?
Why do I cut myself off from all these people who would like to see me, or hear from me, or both?

Granted, I like solitude, form time to time. I like living in a serene, quiet surrounding - okay, fine.
But to self-create this loneliness? Think that I have to friends or people and almost envy those who do? When it's actually me who's creating this.
NON
SEN
SI
CAL

I mean, I have no idea.
M.


(If there is anyone else who does this, please please let me know why would anyone actually do this.)

hat and snow day!

So I always find that after I've changed my hair, either cut it or dyed it, I wake up the next day thinking "is this ACTUALLY nice?"
Especially the times when I've done it myself.
Like yesterday.
So this morning was one of those.

But luckily I'm still pleased with having a whole bunch of hair in the bin and not on my head anymore.
Also, can I just say, the joy that I feel for being able to have some of my hair in front of my face is unbelievable.

It's snowing fairly decent amounts today. And because it's -2 the snow is actually staying with us.
And therefore I've declared today a snow-day!
And a hat-day!

Happy Hat and Snow Day.
M.